I am 30yrs and have been calling a girl for a year now before I finally got the guts to ask her for a relationship. She never really used to return my calls or messages but always seemed to sound excited when she did pick up my calls. She only called back when I ever I stopped calling for a long time during which she will strangely accuse me of forgeting her. She always promised to hang out with me when ever I came to town but was always chaning her mind unless I seriously insisted. I never made a move anytime we went out until I finally asked her out over the phone. She said she enjoys talking to me and that she would get back to me soon with an answer. Waited 3wks but she said she was not yet ready to talk. I insisted until she sent me a text saying she wanted us to sit down and talk(as if that ever really happens) because doing it and expecting a reply over the fone wasn't right. She textd that she waz seeing someone and wasn't interested and that she was sorry but that we should be friends. I said OK. Strangely now, we are closer than ever, she calls me, hangs out with me, rest her body on me. She even said that she sent that text because I was pestering her. Asked about her boyfriend and she refused to comment on it even though I told her I'm just her friend. But now I don't want to continue as friends anymore. So I stopped calling. But she called me and kind of sounded angry that I wasn calling her. I just told her that I haven't forgoten her, but that I have just beeen busy. What do I do now. I love her but I don't want to be a wuss. Sorry for the long storry guys

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants. She keeps you dangling on one end, while she probably does the same on the other, with her boyfriend.

It is never a good idea to be 'the rebound guy', or 'the rescue guy', or the 'guy that's always available when you screw up guy'.

Clearly you wanted a relationship with her, although I think you were too pushy. On the other hand, she has come clean about the boyfriend. She may think you will be a good friend for her needs, but you don't need her as a friend if I read you right.

Should she mature and not play games with people, dump the boyfriend, work through the aftermath, and THEN call you, that might be another story. But for her to jump from the frying pan into the fire, is not a good spot for you to be in.

You may feel love for her, and that gets confusing. We tend to read too much into the words of those we love, and take them at face value. I think it is fair to say that she's not relationship material for many reasons. Mostly because she has a boyfriend, but also that she would consider you as some sort of backup plan.

If I were you, I'd send her an email, and politely say that you are not interested in a friendship with her, you have all the friends you need. And you are sorry that things didn't work out, and into a relationship, but you have decided to move on.

If you take charge of your emotions and your life with this girl, you will feel so liberated! Unhook those chains, and move on to greener pastures. While you are fussing over what won't be in your best interests with her, you may be missing out on some golden opportunities.

Good luck to you.

She knows you like her and if she liked you back, she would have let you know a while ago. The fact that she has a boyfriend, means that she only sees you as a friend. Don't misinterpret how she feels about you. You've basically became her little brother. She thought that by clearing the air with you, and letting you know that she doesn't want more than a friendship that you two can move past the tension and actually become friends.

You're interpreting all her signs and twisting it to make it seem like she's interested in you. If you can't handle being friends because your feelings for her are too strong, then you need to stop talking to her until you get over her before you can be friends again.

When a female has a guy, and messes with you, what makes you think she is interest in anything but the game she is playing?

Geez guy, she is being with you behind someone's back, and that could easily be you. Walk away from this one.

Talaniman Rule - If she has a boyfriend, take the hint and leave her alone.

You don't want this one. If she can easily go behind her boyfriend's back and talk to you and hang out with you then what makes you think that she can handle a serious relationship with you if things do become more than what they are. You deserve better cut all the strings and move on.

There is this girl I first met 10yrs ago through her cousin. We got friendly for 2wks but nothing intimate happened(although she had a thing for holding my hand). We never saw again until early this year during a weeding when she approached me and reminded me where she knew me from(I had forgotten)and thinds we talked about in the past. During the night party, she clung to me alone, leaning, flirting, dancing,holding me all in public(as she still does today). She's 25 and I'm 30. I really like her and would want to date her because we communicate so openly,joke,play a lot and feel so comfortable around each other. I only had a prob with her once when I called her for another date and she said she waz busy then but would call back later that day but she never did(neither did I in annoyance)until 2wks later(saying its been long and al that we talked). But I waited another 2wks ltr boyfriend I called her back(didnt want to suddenly sound desperate and anxious) and we hung out as she looked overjoyed again though she admitted that she felt bad because I sounded cold towards her the last time she called me(I just lied that I couldn't rembr or was pissed because som1 owed me money and al). But I never asked her why it took her so long to call me and neither did I explain myself. Anyway we hung out and she flirts even more this time. She loves us talking about relationships, dating,marriage topics in society and all and this makes me even see her more as a serious girl that knows what she wants. The PROBLEM is that she suddenly mentions that she has a BOYFRIEND(I didn't even ask to know except that I once told her that I liked straightforward girls) and admitting no one is perfect. I just acted cool believing that was the end between us. But she still insisted on me inviting her to my house for dinner and all. She came the next day for dinner and flirted even more. We haven't kissed or romanced and I haven't told her anything about my feelings or made any moves. What the hell is going on and how do I handle this situation. When and how should I even call her etc. Sorry for the long story but your advice has helped me in the past and I know it can now

Talaniman Rule - If she has a boyfriend, take the hint and leave her alone.

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Originally Posted by Jeha

she has to pick to either to stay with the other guy or to break it off with him, its up to u to talk to her about it.

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I disagree. It's up to him to leave, she has a boyfriend, that's that.

Cheater alert!

This woman is flirting with you and leading you to believe that she is available. But, she has a BF - which she just happened to mention in passing.

She knows how to push your buttons and you're falling for it.

Don't get involved and stop letting her paw you. Tell her you're not interested in someone that's not available. Tell her you are surprised that she wouldn't have told you something so important. Let her know that you're an honest person that behaves with integrity and that you can't continue to see her.

Think with your head not your d*i*c*k.

Leave this whole mess before you have to worry about cleaning it up.

Threads merged

Why does evry girl I come across(particularly those I really like and communicate freely with) end up after a while telling me when I ask(or at times even if I dont) that she has a boyfriend somewhere? Worst, why do they continualy enjoy flirting so much with me to the extent of getting annoyed when I suddenly stop communicatng with them?even some of the ones that I have dated still admit that there is som1 else. I'm 30, nice, gudlookin and have a masters degree(though presently unemployed). Wats really going on and how do I put and end to this from happening again?

I have used the "I have a boyfriend line" when I have felt overly pursued. That the male was a bit too available, bit to interested, a bit too obvious and I wasn't feeling any sort of attraction for him. Most often I would do that with men that I wasn't friends with or close with.

Sounds like overall you might have some dating approach issues.
Lack some confidence.
Lack some experience, even though you are 30.
How do you meet women?

I'm sorry but I just have to point it out... you have a Masters degree and you spelled good looking gudlookin? ;)

I would think it only fair that if a flirting conversation goes too far that one of the two parties dicloses whether they are actually available.

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Originally Posted by kideo

even some of the ones that i have dated still admit that there is som1 else.

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Explain this... you have dated women while they had a boyfriend?

There are endless amounts of women so the good thing is no matter how much rejection you get odds are pretty good that if you keep trying the right one comes along.

Women always like to flirt. They like the attention you give them.

I get the "I have a boyfriend line" all the time. It doesn't bother me. I just move on to the next girl and the next one, until I don't get that line anymore.

It has worked pretty well so far...

Try not to be so "in to them" when you talk to them. It makes you look clingy and needy. Just go with whatever happens and have fun.

At least you know early on so you don't spend all of your time chasing someone who is not interested.

Ask them right off the bat when they start flirting if they have a boyfriend.
Maybe say something like "Now what would your boyfriend say?''
Maybe flirting is something that you need to avoid.
Actually get to know the free and single ones before you get too ''into them'' as jmw said.