My boyfriend I have been going out for a little over a year now. We've been living together for about 8 months and are expecting a baby in three months. We did move very quickly but we are in our mid twenties and know what we want.

The problem that we are having now is that we aren't really getting along anymore, everything sparks an argument between us. My problem is mainly with his relationship with his female friends. He has been friends with them over 8 years which I respect, however it has been very hard to accept him having so many close women in his circle. True, Platonic friendship between men and women to me is very rare, so it was very odd at first. The problem is that he keeps the friends very separate from me, he says we should meet but they live states away. When I did try to befriend them online they declined to be friends with me. It sounds childish, but I need to see that this indeed is just a friendship and nothing more, because it hasn't been proven to me yet. More female friends seem to come out of the woodwork every couple months, and it irritates me. Why does he need so many female friends, am I not consoling & supportive enough to fulfill that need? Why does he have to lock his phone? We live togather and are having a baby. He complains I am never happy, I try buy in reality nothing has changed. It's hard to be comfortable and happy when I am not sure is what he says is true. Trust early on in our relationship wasn't earned as it should have been and now we are suffering the consequences. I am too jealous and need to back off or is ignoring my need for security in this relationship?

Ok 2 things caught my attention. First if you tried to "friend request" them and they denied is it because they have never heard of you? He probably has never mentioned you. If they are states away how would they know any better.
Second why on earth is he locking his phone unless he has something to hide?

No, I believe he has told them who I am. A few months back I got into with one of his other friends I thought was trying to talk to him, and she told them of course. First of all my hormones were flipping I found out a little later I was pregnant. They didn't accept because they think I'm spying, but I'm too old for that. We have a family and I want to let the drama go. This is our first child and I need to be mature and make trueces.

I don't know why he locks his phone. He said he'd rather break up than show me, which hurts. I don't know what to do. Something has to happen.

Ok then if they were upset because they think you are spying, then why are they upset? Do they have something to hide? If not then there should be no upset. I don't see this lasting honestly. Your in your 20's and you both know what you want, but I think your wanting different things.

Sadly, I believe that we do want two different things.

Seriously, red flags are popping up all over the place! If he'd rather break up with you than show you the contents of his phone, he's hiding something. All of these women? Very suspicious.

While it is entirely possible to have platonic friendships with the other gender, I myself have almost always had more male friends. However this particular situation definitely does seem very, very fishy, if for nothing else, the locking of the phone.

In my opinion people don't go out of the way to hide things that don't need to be hidden.

The bottom line is that he definitely has something to hide and you've lost a lot of trust in him. Without trust, you won't have a healthy relationship.

This isn't about his friends, this is about you and him. You need to let him know that you're having a hard time trusting him. If he can't do anything to regain your trust, then he's not worth it.

I'm very sorry that you have a baby with him, it is a blessing, but it also complicates things because you are forever connected to this guy.

With friends like that who needs enemies?
If they're all really only friends, even if you were spying, why should they be so upset? They shouldn't have anything to hide. And locking the phone is definitely NOT OK. For the sake of your baby, I'm suggesting have a really serious talk with him about these issues. If he's not hiding anything he should have no problem showing you. And if those girls are really just his friends he'll have no problem telling them to give you a chance and get to know you, not judge you for some raging hormones as a first impression. But make it clear, if he doesn't get it together you and the baby are gone. Because if he doesn't get it together, you'll always be fighting and tense over the same issues and that will not be a healthy environment for your baby.

Quote:

---

My boyfriend I have been going out for a little over a year now. We've been living together for about 8 months and are expecting a baby in three months.

---

Too much, to fast, crash and burn! Sorry that's way to fast, and I think you missed the fun getting to know each other, and establishing the communications to work together, to build a future, if there is one.

Quote:

---

We did move very quickly but we are in our mid twenties and know what we want.

---

I know, each other, but obviously doesn't mean you both want the same things out of life or have the same plan to get it.

Quote:

---

The problem that we are having now is that we aren't really getting along anymore, everything sparks an argument between us.

---

Between being strangers, yes strangers, you have the stress of a new child, what's more confusing than a new life, and a new child, and a cloudy future, throw in mistrust over his friends, and what do you have... misery.

I suggest you both get some brutal honesty about your feeling, hormonal as you may be, and put aside the arguments and get this child delivered safely.

Usually this means one of you shutting up, and doing the right thing, when you see an argument coming. Which of you, I just don't know, but for sure he isn't here to be told that, or else I would.

Sorry, not to be harsh, but while I understand your suspicion over the female friends, and his phone, I think this is a battle for later, when something can be done, after your child is born.

I say that because seeing how you have rushed headlong into everything else, somebody has to recognize this and slow this train down to a better pace.

Well, I agree with 88sunflower, as well as, I have to say that you are being way too over protective, and you are forgetting what your with him were, maybe he needs a little bit of space, and try being more nice to him and happy around him. Jealousy won't help you at all, it will just destroy the relationship, so you don't want to be too jealous. I think he feels a little disturbed for the fact that you're being too overprotective, and you have to remember that you are on your mid 20s, and maybe having a child that fast might seem good, but it can get someone confused. He'll eventually pull himself together, he just need more time to re-adjust then u, that's all. In case you wonder I'm only 16, oops.


Oh, and yeah, you're too jealous and he too inattentive

Sounds suspicious to me.
To me friends of the opposite sex are friends before you get together and maybe an occasional friend after.
They're coming out of the woodwork and states away sounds like he is on chat rooms and/or date sites currently.

How long has he known these women? How often does he see them? What are the circumstances that he sees them? Does he go see these women that are out of state?

He sounds like he is taking you for granted and putting more effort in these other women.

To me if you have a casual platonic relationship with the opposite sex then you should not be so protective of HIDING it from your significant other AND you should be more than willing to say, ''Honey, I'm going to have a drink with Mary at Such and Such bar
Want to come along?"


You say you both know what you want as your excuse for jumping into a relationship but I have learned that knowing what you want and seeing what you ended up with months or years later is two different things because I have known many guys that only let you see the real them way after you fall for them. Some times they NEVER let you see the real them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jonesey0984

sadly, i believe that we do want two different things.

---

Then don't waste time. Move on and be happy.

Ok, now I may get reddied for this but I am going to do it anyway. Personally, a phone is something private, the relationship I am in now is the first one where I don't care if she goes through my phone. In previous relationships, I never let them see my phone, just didn't happen. I write a lot of stuff in my phone, that is deeply personal. It's my "journal" and I use it to write songs to help me vent. I also have many female friends, they are strictly that. Why should he have to show you his phone? Just because you are insecure in who he is friends with? Sure, they might think that you are spying on him and that's why they ignored your friend request. Or maybe they were confused as to who you were, never assume people know who you are. I am on the guy's side here, while he does some shady things to you. I can see his point, his phone is his private area. Having girlfriends and locking his phone doesn't mean he should have to show you his phone. It's invasion of privacy to me.

Try sending a personal message about who you are to his friends along with a friend request. Make it more personal.

Just because you are insecure in who he is friends with? Sure, they might think that you are spying on him and that's why they ignored your friend request. Or maybe they were confused as to who you were, never assume people know who you are. I am on the guy's side here, while he does some shady things to you. I can see his point, his phone is his private area. Having girlfriends and locking his phone doesn't mean he should have to show you his phone. It's invasion of privacy to me.



I would not feel insecure about his friendships, but we've been together a year. We live together, there are not many things I don't think I don't know about him. I leave my phone unlocked, cause he is a part of my world I don't hide things. I am just an open person, I don't live under locks. That's the way I am. It's his iniative to allow me into his world or not. The best I can do is for our child right now. I would never beg his friends to befriend me, if his world is that separate then it should stay that separate. Im not forging my way in, because I have given all I've got and put my cards on the table a long time ago.

This relationship have too many red flags.

I know when your pregnant your hormones are uncontrolable but you knew about his female friends before hand. If you couldn't deal with it you should have left. There is no sense in trying to change something you can't nor make it all about you.

My fiancé has female friends just like I have male friends but he introduced me to his friends a long time ago just like I introduced him to mines. I not jealous of his female friends nor is he of mines. We trust each other and he knows my friends are just friends.

You was right when you stated this relationship moved too fast.

Btw, him locking his friend and having new female friends popping up here and there is very supicious.