Girlfriend break up with me. Need opinion to stay or move on
My girlfriend recently broke up with me and I need advice on what to do. Stay and try to win her back or to leave.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She is attractive, intelligent, educated, likes music and dancing. We met while she was an undergraduate in college and I was a 1st year medical student. She is currently 24 and I am 27. I was her first boyfriend ever and she was my 2nd girlfriend.
The first year of the relationship was great. We saw each other through rose tinted glasses. But as time passes, we saw more of each other flaws and annoyances and the relationship became more rocky. In the three years that we dated, I discovered that my girlfriend is a "clean freak". She spent a lot of time washing her hands and often asked me if my hands are clean whenever I did something like touching her or her hair. During many erotic encounters, she would stopped to ask me if I had washed my hands. Even if I had washed them, she would smell my hands to make sure I had used soaps. After we have (safe) sex, she would put on her pajamas before we can cuddle to fall asleep in the warm bed and tell me to go wash myself so that I don't stain her bed or get my sperm on her body (she is obsessed about getting pregnant). She does not seem particularly high-strung, but this pattern of anxiety strikes me as really weird. I do not enjoy it. Throughout our 3 years of being together, most of the sex we do were oral. Intercourse happened only 40-50 times total throughout the 3 years with most of it being in the first year. At first I did not like it that we have sex so rarely, but over time I put up with it and got used to it. Still, I was not happy with our sex life and the fact that she doesn't really consider my needs sexually.
I am a very caring person, but my girlfriend seems a little self-centered and not very affectionate. For example, whenever she is tired, I would ask how she is doing and give her body massages or make her hot chocolate. However, if I was tired, she would acknowledge it, but do nothing. I would often tuck her into bed by giving her a 30 minutes massage before she fall asleep, but she has never done the same for me. I would at time make her breakfast in the morning before she goes to work or offer her a hug or a kiss, but she doesn't do the same unless I ask for them (these things get worse and worse as the relationship progresses). Furthermore, there is an imbalance in the generosity department throughout our 3 years of dating. I happily take her out for lots of nice dinners in restaurants, which she clearly enjoys -- while she gives me tea, bread and ham in her refrigerator. I did this when I didn't even have a job or stable income while she was working with a decent salary. She had never taken me out to a nice restaurant. The two time that we went out to a nice restaurant, her parents took us. For Christmas, I gave her a nice sweater, Godiva Chocolate and nice earrings; I got a shirt. (I don't put much importance in the money, it's the care and consideration.) On the other hand, I should emphasize that she does seem very kind on a moment-to-moment basis -- Asking for my opinion at times and ready to offer me a hug and a cup of tea.
Recently, I withdrew from medical school to pursue other opportunities (I plan to go back and finish up medical school, but she doesn't know that). However, I don't think she like this idea. I am currently looking for a job and I still haven't found one and I moved to the same city as she is in (Boston) to work on our relationship more, but when I moved to Boston, she broke up with me. It couldn't have come at a worse time, when I have no job or school. We still hang out and she is jealous if I see other girls, but at the same time, she doesn't want to be with me. She said she is not in love with me anymore.
Right now I am just thinking of either throwing in the towel to end this relationship or try to win her back. I have thought long and hard about it and I think I should let her go and move on myself because I don't see this relationship as healthy for me. But every time I think about her in another guy's arm, I get jealous and I have trouble letting her go. I even snooped in her Facebook account and found out that she had been talking and going out with a guy two months prior to our break up. They were holding hands while going out dancing and to the movies with each other. I confronted her about this and she said they were "just friends". I told her that friends don't hold hands with each other and she said they do. I don't know, but this doesn't seem right. Then she got furious at me for getting her Facebook password and snooping on her. Am I wrong here for snooping? The reason I did this is because I had a hunch that she had an emotional affair with some guy and it was confirmed after I read her message exhanges between the guy and her on Facebook.
Anyway, what should I do and help.
Ex-girlfriend saw I posted here on this forum and got mad
Threads merged
My ex girlfriend of 3 years saw a message I posted here and got really angry. She broke up with me 2 months ago and I am currently trying to reconcile with her.
The message I posted was under another thread dealing with the topic of whether ex ever regret dumping or moving on from their partner and whether the grass is greener on the other side. I posted my experience saying:
"I was with my ex GF for 5 years and then I broke up with her. Then I dated someone else for 3 years. To tell you the truth. I do regret dumping my 1st GF of 5 years. The grass is not greener on the other side. It's just different (and in my case, less green on the other side).
Would I go back to my old GF of 5 years? Who knows, but I rather let time pass or date other before I make that decision. However, my old GF of 5 years was the best I ever had and I doubt I will meet somebody like her again."
So basically, she was browsing through my webpages' history and saw the message I copied from above and now she is mad at me saying in these past 3 years that we have been together, she was being used and I was just with her for convenience. She turned herself into the victim and I suddenly become the bad guy.
Is it a good thing that she saw my posting and my true feeling or will this posting be another reason and tool for her to justify why it is right for her to break up with me?
