Hi,

Im 22 years old, university student in special education and I work as a psychoeducator.
I would describe my love life as a soap opera... im not joking crazy stories that you see in movies...
I have a hard time to get attached to someone... and I usually get bored easily of men after a month of dating... it could be for many things... But 2 years ago, well I met this guy that I was head over heels for and I don't even know why because he is so not the type of guy I would fall for... but I did anyway I was crazy for him... he still loves me. But things are just not the same anymore and I don't think I can go back into a relationship with him again... I have been single for the past 3 months... I have started dating again and I seem to be going back to my old ways, meaning getting bored of men fast... and moving to my next adrenaline rush..?
Why is that?
Will I ever be able to be stable?

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Originally Posted by cassandrita

Hi,

Im 22 years old, university student in special education and i work as a psychoeducator.
I would describe my love life as a soap opera...im not joking crazy stories that you see in movies....
I have a hard time to get attached to someone....and i usually get bored easily of men after a month of dating....it could be for many things....But 2 years ago, well i met this guy that i was head over heels for and i dont even know why because he is soo not the type of guy i would fall for....but i did anyways i was crazy for him....he still loves me. but things are just not the same anymore and i dont think i can go back into a relationship with him again........i have been single for the past 3 months....i have started dating again and i seem to be going back to my old ways, meaning getting bored of men fast....and moving to my next adrenaline rush...??
Why is that?
Will i ever be able to be stable??

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Why you do what you do is like the rest of us. It's because this is what we learned to do. You just learned some things too well. You are stuck in a pattern of behavior that doesn't work for you any more. The good news is that you recognize it.

Your answer to your second question is yes, but only if you do the work to become able to be stable. That means looking into yourself with honesty and courage and seeing what you do, then learning how to do what you truly want to do instead.

So, lots of drama in your love life, but you are bored. Tell me, what causes the drama? And what is missing that would make you not bored?

The guy you were crazy for, and who was not your type, what about him made you crazy?

Last questions for now, what is your feeling about your adrenaline rush? Is this your addiction?

Tao

Aww I miss being like this


I still get bored

But now there's 'ONE' that I can't get over. BS! BS!!

You just have really high expectations in your guy. You want 24/7 fun! You're choosing excitement over comfort. There's no problem feeling this way, but eventually, you will have to realize that no guy can keep up with you and give you constant excitement. The day you accept that reality is the day that you can settle. But until then, my advice would be to just have fun because you're obviously not ready to settle down!

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cassandrita agrees: correction... im not looking for 24/7 fun... im looking for someone that I can fall in love with for the person he is... when u are comfortable with someone, everyday is an exitement an adventure... whatever you do is fun and interesting...

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That sounds contradictory. You say that if you fall in love with someone, you will have excitement and adventure every day? Isn't that the same as 24/7? Anyway, let's not get technical.

I'm not sure if you lack experience, but there's no way to have excitement and adventure EVERY SINGLE DAY. There are going to be days where it's a bit LESS EXCITING with your significant other. If those "less exciting" days are enough for you to break up with your significant other, then you're going to be searching for a very long time.

So, the next question is: What makes you comfortable with a man? If you/we know that, some guidance can come your way. To get somewhere, you will need to look into yourself and find out how to grow beyond this and have a good (stable) relationship.

I asked you a few questions in an earlier post and you answered one. It was "The guy you were crazy for, and who was not your type, what about him made you crazy? Your answer was helpful: "i felt security and he is the first guy i was able to visually picture myself starting a life with." That's very useful. Security, comfort, and I presume trust, respect, safety, and other healthy feelings. That's all something you want.

So, what causes the drama? What happens? What are you doing that repeatedly triggers the same pattern? (You do realize that this is a pattern, right?What has been missing that would make you not bored? What is your feeling about your adrenaline rush? Is this your addiction?

On another note, I suggest that you reply to each of these posts by using the "Quote User" and not the "Rate this Answer" button. That one is for people to evaluate each others advice. It does not get its own place in the conversation thread. Look at some posts if this doesn't make sense. They are running conversations that string together.

If you quote the user instead, you will get a new window that shows what statements you are responding to plus space for you to type.

Please look into yourself and describe what goes on and what is going on.

Tao

Will you be stable? Of course you will. You just haven't met Mr. Right yet. There are tons of guys out there that are always interesting and once you meet one, you ll be in a happy lasting relationship. =P

Best wishes!

Keep dating if your enjoying it, and don't let self doubt stop you.

One day you will find someone, or find out more about yourself.

If you're an Adrenalin junkie, skydiving or bunji cord jumping may be a good hobby, and a way to meet the man of your dreams.