I have been friends with my guy friend for 10 years he has always teased me and dropped hints that he likes me-like he would stare at me and make these sly remarks. Since then I married another man but my heart and feelings were always with my other guy friend. He advised me not to get married from the beginning. We recently started having sex together but I was separated from my husband at the time this took place. A few months go by and my guy friend disappears and not a word from him and then Poof he's back! I am legally still married but every time my guy friend and I have sex he disappears. I know that he has feelings for me; and he does not act this way with other women. So why does he ignores me when I try to communicate with him? I want my friendship back.

Well if you're married, he's probably trying to go no contact so that he can get over you.

You know he still has feelings for you, so why don't you leave him alone until he stops having feelings for you. The you can actually be friends.

Yeah I understand what you are saying but he knows that I am going through a divorce. The last time we were together he asked me whether I communicated with my husband like he was fishing around for answers to see whether I am actually going through with my divorce. And besides, that's not a valid reason to stop talking to a friend because I'm married.

Maybe he doesn't want to get too attach to you because your still married but he doesn't mind having sex with you.

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Originally Posted by Diane2009

And besides, that's not a valid reason to stop talking to a friend because I'm married.

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Disagree with this statement. He is and always has been more than just a friend to you and deep down you know this. The events that have played out have proven this as well. Not to throw you under the bus but when you committed yourself to the vows of marriage it was your duty to leave behind this sort of "friendship." I highly recommend sorting out the real status of your relationship before continuing to be involved with this "friend" or heaven forbid, starting something new. 10 years is far too long to be on the fence about anyone...

Best wishes and luck.

Its like when he wanted something more at the time I was so immature and really didn't think he was all that interested in me. I saw all the signs but I was plaiying hard- to- get now it seems like he is doing the same thing now. Do you think I can't just be friends with my guy friend? Just friends and no sex involve.

If I was him, I would be extremely hurt the day that you got engaged and then even worse when you got married. I'm sureprised that he even tried to contact you.

If he keeps talking to you, he will never be able to get over you. You have to let him get over you before he can try to be your friend again.

I doubt you can just go back to being just friends since the lines have been crossed. It seems like you have some feelings for him stronger than just friends.

Also, the question is does he want to be your friend?

Why wouldn't he want to be my friend? All I want is to have things back the way they use to be and still be able to hang with him. Besides, I even told him how I had a crush on him but at that time he was playing hard to get so I decided to move on to keep from being hurt by him. Besisdes I told him I wanted a relationship with him doing the time I was separated and he says what can he expect from a relationship with me knowing that I was still married. He hides his feelings instead of just telling me how he feels. That really drove me into the arms of another man from the beginning him not being able to tell me how he feels.

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Originally Posted by Diane2009

Why wouldn't he want to be my friend? All I want is to have things back the way they use to be and still be able to hang with him. Besides, I even told him how I had a crush on him but at that time he was playing hard to get so I decided to move on to keep from being hurt by him. Besisdes I told him I wanted a relationship with him doing the time I was separated and he says what can he expect from a relationship with me knowing that I was still married. He hides his feelings instead of just telling me how he feels. That really drove me into the arms of another man from the beginning him not being able to tell me how he feels.

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Maybe he wants to be friends, but he can't be friends with you as long as he still has feelings for you. You have to give him time to recover first. The day you got married, your friendship with him obviously changed.

Just leave him alone. He will find you when he's ready.

Thanks I wish and others for your input to my situation!!

Well one more thing, why is it that when I ask to come see him and we do have sex that I don't hear from him until at least a month or two passes by? :confused:

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Originally Posted by Diane2009

Well one more thing, why is it that when I ask to come see him and we do have sex that I don't hear from him until at least a month or two passes by??:confused:

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It doesn't matter anymore. If you ever become friends again, you can try to ask him. Until then, we have no idea, no point speculating cause there could be a thousand different reason(s).

I think he's ignoring you because he's had a change of heart. Maybe the change from flirty friendship to lovers means that he sees you differently now.

However, there is no point in second guessing what's happening. Why don't you ask him?

If your friendship is as good as you say then you should be able to talk about what's happening.

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

I think he's ignoring you because he's had a change of heart. Maybe the change from flirty friendship to lovers means that he sees you differently now.

However, there is no point in second guessing what's happening. Why don't you ask him?

If your friendship is as good as you say then you should be able to talk about what's happening.

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That's the point I try to talk to him and even about other things not relating to him but he continues to ignore me. All I do is think about him day and night. Do you know by any chance that might symbolize Gemini54?

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Originally Posted by Diane2009

That's the point I try to talk to him and even about other things not relating to him but he continues to ignore me. All I do is think about him day and night. Do you know by any chance that might symbolize Gemini54?

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Well, if he won't speak to you and he used to, I'd say that's a pretty strong message.

He won't tell you how he feels now, and wouldn't in the past either it seems. From what you say, it sounds as if he's been elusive and strung you along for your whole relationship, so I don't think that he's a good friend.

You may want things to go back to how they were, but I'd say the likelihood of this is extremely slim. He avoided revealing himself to you in the past and he's doing it again, but this time he's just not around.

You've been chasing a romantic dream with him, sadly I think that you're discovering he's quite different.

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

Well, if he won't speak to you and he used to, I'd say that's a pretty strong message.

He won't tell you how he feels now, and wouldn't in the past either it seems. From what you say, it sounds as if he's been elusive and strung you along for your whole relationship, so I don't think that he's a good friend.

You may want things to go back to how they were, but I'd say the likelihood of this is extremely slim. He avoided revealing himself to you in the past and he's doing it again, but this time he's just not around.

You've been chasing a romantic dream with him, sadly I think that you're discovering he's quite different.

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It's not a relationship. Its like I was playing hard to get from the beginning and now he has turned the tables. Every time he see's me he is at a lost for words and just stares at me. I try to talk to him about other males and if he did not care about me then it seems like he would have answered me regarding these other dudes I like. Matter of fact I believe he hates when I mention other guys because he definitely turns silently.

Well he ignores you because emaybe he feels ashamed that your still married and if you want your friendship back you need to fight for it and not just have sex with him you should make him sit down and talk to him

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Originally Posted by Diane2009

It's not a relationship. Its like I was playing hard to get from the beginning and now he has turned the tables. Everytime he see's me he is at a lost for words and just stares at me. I try to talk to him about other males and if he did not care about me then it seems like he would have answered me regarding these other dudes I like. Matter of fact I believe he hates when I mention other guys because he definitely turns silently.

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Um, why are you playing these silly games?

You play hard to get and try to make him jealous by talking about other guys?

No wonder he's keeping his distance. I would be too.

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

Um, why are you playing these silly games?

You play hard to get and try to make him jealous by talking about other guys??

No wonder he's keeping his distance. I would be too.

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When I say from the beginning I mean I was so immature around 2001 when he started to flirt a lot with me and vice a versa. Now that I'm older and over the years my feelings have grown stronger for him. It seems like he is playing hard to get now but I know he still has feelings for me but he has been hurt before. Its not my choice that I like talking about other guys but it's the only way I can try to break the ice with him. If I talk about feelings he still will not say much about that area of interest either.
:o