Hey Everyone,

I've recently started dating a new guy and the sex is great, very attached and caring. I am happy really with it. BUT... before we had sex he had told me he takes a long time to get there and that was grand with me. Now the first time we were together I gave him oral as I figured for a guy that takes a while this might speed up the process a bit... and it did, everyone had big smiles on their face... all happy ;)

I hope that this isn't too much information but its quite a specific problem really. When I'm giving him oral, he tends to self stimulate also.. no problem there.. but as he gets into it the 'strides' get a little faster and longer, which in turn I end up having a hard time getting into it as it feels like really he could do this without me being there?

I don't know really, I know that this is a very sensitive subject and also that it has been a barrier before and don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill but at the same time, I don't want to feel obsolete.

Any suggestions on what I should do?

Or tips on how to get him there faster in alternate ways?

(He tends to always finish from oral)

Girls, boys... everything welcome!

Thanks.

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Originally Posted by neverme

I hope that this isnt too much information but its quite a specific problem really. When I'm giving him oral, he tends to self stimulate also..no problem there..but as he gets into it the 'strides' get a little faster and longer, which in turn I end up having a hard time getting into it as it feels like really he could do this without me being there?!

Thanks.

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Hi neverme, yes isn't it the truth ! LOL. Very amusing way of putting your problem and you were very polite about a sensitive subject.

You could do away with the oral and get him to where he should be by foreplay of stimulating his anus by way rolling your finger around the opening, and probing a little bit. If you don't want to probe, then just roll your finger around the rim. Just a suggestion but I know where you are coming from.

Ms tickle

You are there to assist and if it is really about his pleasure, he is showing you how he likes it... maybe you can take some pointers and find out how you can take over the job for him?

As a guy, I would find it very stimulating if you did the stroking and oral together yourself. Without getting too graphic, stimulating the prostate by massaging either the perineum or rectum will trigger the climax.

You said he always finishes with oral, were you wanting to go elsewhere before finishing? You can tell if a guy is getting ready when the testes draw upwards.

Have you tried TELLING him this?

Seriously--if you can't talk about issues you have in the bedroom with the person you're in the bedroom with, then what the hell is the point of getting into the bedroom with them?

I suggest talking to him about how YOU feel about it.

I'd ALSO suggest that if he has such a hard time reaching orgasm, that he knock off the masturbation entirely for a while.

I have no problem doing both and normally do, having said that I think he's quite conscious of the amount of time it takes him to ejaculate, it is quite a while.. it really is no issue for me, but then because of this he will try to get himself there faster... I don't want to take over too much because it seems to be a very sore subject and he seems to be satisfied with the whole 'set up'... if I can get myself to.. ill try the anus, have before to mixed reviews so I'm a bit apprehensive. LOL

Well we live a good distance from each other and I have spoken to him about it, its not that big an issue really... just seeing really if anyone had any tips to get him there... eg anal stim etc... to be honest he is a few years older than me and although there have been no complaints or anything I just wanted a bit of a 'helping hand' haha

You just have to help him feel comfortable, this apparently helps him. I would take your time and communicate about what works for both of you. Communication is a wonderful sex enhancer as well, but it can really help put him at ease, not like he is required to give a performance... help him relax.

Thanks justy... ya no new relationships, been a while since I've been in one and the last was with a girl so just getting used to all the eh... in's and out's of being with a guy again!

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Have you tried TELLING him this?

Seriously--if you can't talk about issues you have in the bedroom with the person you're in the bedroom with, then what the hell is the point of getting into the bedroom with them?

I suggest talking to him about how YOU feel about it.

I'd ALSO suggest that if he has such a hard time reaching orgasm, that he knock off the masturbation entirely for a while.

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Really, I don't know why adult sexuality experts on this forum are so 'in your face' with advice. And quite frankly Syn, I find your advice really insensitive, is that normal for an adult sexuality expert ? I mean I am in my 60s, have not had a lot of lovers but I still know a little about what pleases a man and I have never had complaints, the body is still very nice, supple and appreciated and appreciative, so maybe I should call myself an 'adult sexuality expert'.

Your response to this post sounds harsh and I don't think the OP needed that (although she is not complaining, I know that). If I had your advice I would think, wow, what am I doing so wrong ? When I don't think she is, if she is here, asking, and I got the impression she communicates.

Okay, sorry, I will stop. I hate soapboxes.


Ms tickle

He may get off on the mutual stimulation of his hand and your mouth. That may just be his preference to "finish". As the others mentioned, try adding other sensations.

Try ice for a cold mouth.
Or a finger or small vibe in or around his anus.
Massage his perineum (the area between base of penis/testicles and anus) while giving him oral.

Then ask him if there's anything new he'd like to try. Have him put his hands over yours so you can learn exactly the way he likes to be stroked during oral. He may have some other ideas or he may be satisfied with the way things are! Don't beat yourself up about it if he's not complaining.

I have to say this, but what about your satisfaction neverme, or is it a one way street and he is on it. Has he ever asked how you like it ? I don't have any problem (when I get in this situation) making it known IT IS A TWO WAY STREET. No, didn't yell, just emphasizing my dear. :)

Kindest regards

Tick

Hi neverme, you said, "When I'm giving him oral, he tends to self stimulate also..no problem there..but as he gets into it the 'strides' get a little faster and longer, which in turn I end up having a hard time getting into it as it feels like really he could do this without me being there?!"

This caught my eye. When you really get down to it, we could all do it without someone else being there. The translation from masturbation to doing things with someone else takes some time and some adjustments. Of course, it's more fun sharing with another.

How did he stimulate himself when you were not there? At this point, what worked then that still works now? What is fun is finding out together what works with two people. Talk about it with him. If he has issues with taking a long time to climax, where do these issues and thoughts originate?

Did he, for instance take a long time when he was a teenager? Is it quicker when he is alone? Why or why not? What are his fantasies? What would he most like from you, with what he knows at this point? Don't ask worried that he will take it wrong. Ask in the spirit of joint exploration.

Stroking his testicles as you're giving him oral should pump up (no pun intended) the excitement. Also using a vibrator on the base of his penis can work.

These techniques work just as well, if he's inside you. Remember to use the vibrator on you too! That way you can both finish satisfied.

Had a talk with him and he's calmed it down a bit, a bit more conentration on my own pleasure so all is good :D thanks for all your help guys...

Heck... I'd never jump in and start stroking when a woman was putting her heart into a BJ. No way can you get a rhythm going that way. Not that's not to say you can't do something with the OTHER handlike lubing up a finger or two and slipping it in his butt at the same time... that usually takes a BJ up a few notches as far as simulous goes.