Ask Me Help Desk - Daughter and Depo

My daughter has been on the depo shot for years. She is 34 now. It might sound odd
Her mother asking questions but please let me speak.

My daughter lost her only child a year ago. Her daughter's name is Megan.
Megan died three days before her 14th birthday. Megan was my daughters world.

My daughter Mandy is devastated by losing Megan. Mandy's depo shot was due in late April
And due to all the side effects and with her depression I talked her into not taking the shot anymore.

I hope Mandy has another baby... not to replace Megan because that could never happen.
But to give her back the reason to wake up of the morning. So here is my question...

The year before Megan died Mandy got pregnant while being off the shot. But she had a tubal pregnancy and it ended. Her husband is on heavy shots of steroids. Could that have caused her tubal pregnancy? Could the depo shots have caused her tubal?
After she had the procedure to take the baby out of the tubes the doctor said her tubes
Look good. Is her chance of having another tubal great? I have heard that the shot slows
Down the eggs.
I know I have rambled on but I am so worried about my daughter and don't believe
She will heal until she gets pregnant. I am so worried this depo shot has ruined her chances. Any advice you can give me I would appreciate it.

Mavis

I know you're her mother and they say mother's know best but somehow having a baby when it sounds like she's still dealing with the loss of her first child and then what I'm sure must have been a stressful tubal pregnancy doesn't sound like such a great idea. If she wanted another baby right now why did you have to talk her off the shots? So far, with the information you've given, my advice is to back off. Babies aren't a quick fix to things. I've seen depressed people have babies because they think it will make things better... I haven't seen it work yet though. I've seen it make things much worse...

Quote:

Originally Posted by justcurious55

i know you're her mother and they say mother's know best but somehow having a baby when it sounds like she's still dealing with the loss of her first child and then what i'm sure must have been a stressful tubal pregnancy doesn't sound like such a great idea. if she wanted another baby right now why did you have to talk her off the shots? so far, with the information you've given, my advice is to back off. babies aren't a quick fix to things. i've seen depressed people have babies because they think it will make things better...i haven't seen it work yet though. i've seen it make things much worse...

I think you mis interpreted what I was saying. I have not pressured her into anything.
She didn't need to take Depo because she is depressed and that makes it worse.
I am grieving for my granddaughter also. I know babies are not a quick fix and if that is how it sounded it was not meant to be. My daughter does not feel the need to get up of a morning. I am just worried about her and would never push her.

OK. I looked up a little about the depo shots and it says that the side effects can linger anywhere from 6-18 months after the last shot. So the shot could continue to worsen her depression for a while.

Has she tried any sort of counseling or therapy? That's a lot to handle. Burying her child plus losing another before it was even born.

I'm still not understanding whose idea her having another baby is. Hers? Or yours?

First, let me offer my condolences on the loss of your grandchild. It must have been incredibly traumatic and I'm sorry your family had to go through that.

I know you have the best of intentions, but I have to agree with justcurious55, it sounds like you're focusing too much on her becoming pregnant again. I'm sure the thought of a new life helps bring you comfort, and you might expect the same for your daughter, but it may do just the opposite to a parent who's lost a child. Only time will tell. She could probably benefit from counseling -- which can help her focus on the future, as in "life goes on"

Do you know if she and her husband have talked about having more children? She's still a young woman and has plenty of time to try if/when she's ready. Just be careful to tread lightly; I know you wouldn't want her to feel like she's disappointing you if she's not willing to try for another baby.

To try and answer your original questions, its unlikely that her husband's steroid use had anything to do with a tubal pregnancy.

Typically, having a previous tubal pregnancy does mean she's at risk for the same thing to happen again. However, that is often due to scar tissue/damage, so she may not have as high a chance of occurrence as other women. Truly, only her doctor can answer that with any certainty since he knows her personal situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

First, let me offer my condolences on the loss of your grandchild. It must have been incredibly traumatic and I'm sorry your family had to go thru that.

I know you have the best of intentions, but I have to agree with justcurious55, it sounds like you're focusing too much on her becoming pregnant again. I'm sure the thought of a new life helps bring you comfort, and you might expect the same for your daughter, but it may do just the opposite to a parent who's lost a child. Only time will tell. She could probably benefit from counseling -- which can help her focus on the future, as in "life goes on"

Do you know if she and her husband have talked about having more children? She's still a young woman and has plenty of time to try if/when she's ready. Just be careful to tread lightly; I know you wouldn't want her to feel like she's disappointing you if she's not willing to try for another baby.

To try and answer your original questions, its unlikely that her husband's steroid use had anything to do with a tubal pregnancy.

Typically, having a previous tubal pregnancy does mean she's at risk for the same thing to happen again. However, that is often due to scar tissue/damage, so she may not have as high a chance of occurence as other women. Truly, only her doctor can answer that with any certainty since he knows her personal situation.

I really appreciate your email and how you put it together. I don't go to message boards for help. But I felt really desperate to help my daughter. After getting the email from JUST CURIOUS I felt like I was on trial. I wasn't going to write anymore but I really do appreciate your concern. So, I re read my post and I guess I see why I look like a pushy Mom. I am not good at expressing myself. Mandy has told me plenty of times before Megan died that she would like to have another baby. I have only tried to comfort Mandy and to reassure her that her previous plans to have another baby is still OK. I know Mandy is not ready anytime soon to have a baby. I just know if she had one she would love it so much and just maybe it would help fill her heart. So I was so worried that when and if the time comes that previous problems from before might prevent it. So my questions that I posted, I am so thankful for your response. I don't want my daughter growing old and not have a precious child. I know how important my children are to me.Megan was my jewel. My first grandchild.None of us will ever get over losing her. Going through her liver transplant at age two was extremely difficult for us all. Mandy is getting therapy If not for that I think she would not be here today.
She is a wreck! It is so hard for me to see her the way she is. I still have the whole in my heart. I hope I answered in such a way that I don't sound pushy and un caring. Thanks again.

I'm sorry that you felt on trial. That was not my intent.