Ask Me Help Desk - Will it work between me n my ex or will my husband get between us?

I am 23 and was married to my husband who is 64 we have been married for only 3 years and have a 20 month old son and I'm due our 2nd son in just 3 weeks.our relationship was getting bad months ago we were always rowing and the police were being called we spent all day every day together I was 220 miles away from all my family and friends so I only had him and my son for company.then about 5months ago after a big row and violence I went on Facebook and typed in my ex and he came up I thought he was in a relationship at the time so it was only for someone 2 talk to but he was my 1st and only ever true love even though it was 7 years ago my feelings for him have never changed so it was very easy for me to fall back in love with him.. I have left my husband and have now moved back to where he is and were my family are and we are living together and things seem to be going great I'm so happy to be with him but I have concerns as in 3 weeks time I'm going to av a baby that isn't his and its going to be hard for him to be at a hospital watching me give birth to someone else's son isn't it?I'm really scared that it will change things between us as I've got to have contact with my husband as he has got my other son at the minute until the court case in 5 weeks so apart from at the weekends whern I get my son we are used to being on our own and soon I'm going to have all this baggage and will have to have contact with my husband.. when I go in labour that's the worse bit because I want my new partner there but I no my husband is going to want to see his son can someone please give me some advice thanks

Before you get involve with someone new you need to resolve your past issues. Your getting to attach to your ex too fast.

Your husband was abusive and I'm glad you remove yourself from and child from that situation and now you need to work on a divorce.

Also, I don't know your husband but he might try to interfere especially since your ex going be in the delivery room while your going birth.

Get out and over one relationship before you consider messing around in another

You got married when you were 20 to someone who is 61? How did this happen?

Anyway, given that you have 2 children with your husband, he's going to be in your life for the rest of your life, regardless of his behavior. They are his children and he has a right to see them, will have to support them and potentially be at the birth as well. After all, he is their father.

Is there a counsellor or social worker at the hospital or local clinic that you can talk to? You need to get calm and objective advice about your situation because this could turn into a living hell if you don't. I know that it's a difficult time because you're having a baby, you're in a new relationship and you haven't resolved the separation from your husband, but you need to start dealing with this mess.

Once you have talked to someone professional, I think that you need to have a calm talk with your husband. I guess it's up to you to decide if you want him to be physically present at the birth, but if he wants to be there it's probably not appropriate for your BF to be there. My suggestion would be that he should take priority given that it's his child, but that's only my humble opinion.

Good luck, my thoughts are with for a safe and happy birth.

Um, if you're married, then I think you need to reconsider your marriage first.

Then start thinking of you with your ex. But to be totally blunt, your mind will get between you and happiness, sorry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nestorian

Um, if you're married, then I think you need to reconsider your marrage first.

Then start thinking of you with your ex. But to be totally blunt, your mind will get between you and happiness, sorry.

Thanks 4 your opoion but I have tried at my marriage for some time and it just won't work.he is not a person I can talk to either and although he is 64 he more like a 4year old.dont get me wrong he is a brill dad and does everything he can 4 his son and he will for this one but as far as being a husband goes he is crap.. he will always be allowed in his kids lifes il never stop that as he is their father and they deserve to see and be with their dad as much as they can.but as far as I go I just can't spend time with him as all he does is argue with me and pits lots of pressure on me.I know if I let him come to the birth it will be a nightmare all he will do is argue with me and giving birth is hard enough without extra pressure and stress.my nan will be there with me like she was with my 1st son but I don't think I can let my husband be there.as far as my boyfriend goes I no this isn't his child but in al fairness he has been the 1 who has supported me the last 11weeks and came to my appointments with me as my husbandwas living 220miles away until last week.my boyfriend also gets on really well with my other son and I'm not sure but if he isn't at the birth then things could change between us after baby is here.and I don't want that to happen he is the man I've always loved and wanted to be with and now I've got that I really don't want that to get destroyed but I'm really scared because I've lost him once and he destroyed me 4 4 years I turned to heroine and crack and nearly died I lost 1 baby of his and aborted another because he got with sum1 else and she got pregnant and I knew I lost him then.but it was my husband who saved me and got me clean I have been for 3 years now and id never go back.my kids are my life now and I want them to have a good happy life and I will be the best mother I can.but I am scared my boyfriend will hurt me again and I no it will destroy me.he says he loves me lots and he is older now and its time for him to settle down and be happy.he has been having a hard time to he is strugling to see his daughter and his mum died last year and he says he has never been happier.. he goes to work and can't wait to get home to be with me.he does anything he can for me and really tries to make me happy which he does.but I'm also pregnant and my hormones are everywhere and all I have to do is look at him and I cry because I love him so much.how caqn I make sure I don't lose him?

I won't say much because this post disgusts me. Honestly, you are coming off as selfish, this guy you're with cheated on you, got another girl pregnant, then you got addicted to heroin and crack. You're husband picks up the pieces and helps support you getting clean and you bail?

Resolve one relationship before jumping into another. If your "man" can't accept the fact that your husband will always be apart of your life(at least 18 years) then that's on him

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I won't say much because this post disgusts me. Honestly, you are coming off as selfish, this guy you're with cheated on you, got another girl pregnant, then you got addicted to heroin and crack. you're husband picks up the pieces and helps support you getting clean and you bail?

Resolve one relationship before jumping into another. If your "man" can't accept the fact that your husband will always be apart of your life(at least 18 years) then that's on him

Yikes! Plus, she's drinking while pregnant, according to her other posts.

Maggie, you need to think long and hard before you get back with your ex. It will lead to disaster- if you can't stay clean, you'll lose custody of your kids.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ren6

Yikes! Plus, she's drinking while pregnant, according to her other posts.

Maggie, you need to think long and hard before you get back with your ex. It will lead to disaster- if you can't stay clean, you'll lose custody of your kids.

I'm rooting for that to be honest, drinking and a ex chronic drug user while she was with him. Sorry but you have no right to care for your children, and from what your post says, you don't have custody of your child pending a court case

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I'm rooting for that to be honest, drinking and a ex chronic drug user while she was with him. Sorry but you have no right to care for your children, and from what your post says, you don't have custody of your child pending a court case

I didn't say my boyfriend was a drug user I said I turned to drugs when we broke up. I also didn't say I was drinking my husband is using that as an excuse to keep hold of my son to get what he wants not because he wants to yeah when I was with him I did have a couple of drinks but now I've left and since then I've only had 2 small bottles of blue wkd over the last 9 weeks.. I am a brilliant mum and my husband would agree if it wasn't a court asking him..

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggie09

i didnt say my bf was a drug user i said i turned to drugs when we broke up. i also didnt say i was drinking my husband is using that as an excuse to keep hold of my son to get what he wants not because he wants to yeah when i was with him i did have a couple of drinks but now iv left and since then iv only had 2 small bottles of blue wkd over the last 9 weeks..i am a brillant mum and my husband would agree if it wasnt a court asking him..

Last time I checked, at no time during a pregnancy are you supposed to drink. But hey, if that's how you feel
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, NCBDDD, CDC

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ren6

Yikes! Plus, she's drinking while pregnant, according to her other posts.

Maggie, you need to think long and hard before you get back with your ex. It will lead to disaster- if you can't stay clean, you'll lose custody of your kids.

I will always stay clean I have bin 4 3years I would never go back there I have a beautiful son and another on the way who I care and love very very much and id never put them through anything bad.. my boyfriend is not a drug user he never has bin and he never would the only thing he does is go for a drink on a fri night after being at work all week there is nought wrong in that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Last time I checked, at no time during a pregnancy are you supposed to drink. but hey, if that's how you feel
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, NCBDDD, CDC

Maybe I am wrong for avin 2 bottles of wkd in the last 9 weeks but I have had a lot of problems and pressure in my life lately..

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggie09

maybe i am wrong for avin 2 bottles of wkd in the last 9 weeks but i have had alot of problems and pressure in my life lately..

And that's an excuse to drink? Problems happen, when you turn to alcohol to solve them then you're heading down a road of addiction. Obviously you have an addictive personality, best to stay away from temptation altogether.

The bottom line, you have a child and one on the way with your husband. Do you have to stay in that marriage? No, but you do have to deal with him for the rest of your life because you have children together.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. You made this bed, now you have to lie in it, like it or not.

Get your life under control, don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. You're not fit to be with anyone right now, you need to concentrate on yourself and your children first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

You're not fit to be with anyone right now, you need to concentrate on yourself and your children first.

I agree. I think the best thing to do right now is to focus on what will be the best for your children. They should always come first in your life. By being on your own with all your focus on raising and caring for your children I think you will find that things will take a change for the better and you will be happy knowing you are a great mother.