Getting the girl I love out of my head
I am an 18 year old, and was in a long term relationship with my girlfriend. We were together for 4 years and broke up on our anniversary. It was, I believe all my fault! The first 3 years of our relationship were great. We went out a lot, had a laugh and loved each other very much. It was only after Christmas 2008 that things started to go down hill. We started to argue a lot over stupid petty things and it was mainly me that started them off. She told me what I was doing, and it would be OK after a week and then it would be back to the same thing again, I never stuck to what I said, which I regret!
May came and we were both feeling down so she proposed that we break up. I agreed with the decision because at the time I was unhappy with the relationship. It wasn't until after we broke up that I realised what I was doing. Now I know most men say after they break up they didn't realise how much they loved their ex. It's a common thing, sometimes its because they just miss their partner and miss the routine of their everyday lives. But some really do realise it! Like me. I realised that I really love her and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
She has said that she doesn't know how she feels about everything. She has told me that she does have feelings for me in the fact that we had something, but doesn't know weather she has feelings for me now to get back together. She said she needs time.
We have broken up for 4 weeks now and I can't stop thinking about her! She told me that she still wants to be friends, but I'm finding it really hard to adapt to it. I know I have been a P***K to her and I realise that I have done wrong. These past 4 weeks I have worked out what I have done wrong and how to fix it. I want our relationship to be like the first 3 years and I know she does too! But I'm scared she will find someone else in the time she needs to think about us. Summer is just around the corner and uni will start soon.
It feels horrible getting a text message saying that she loves you with lots of kisses one day and then the next day with just a bye xx. I don't know what to do, I'm finding it so hard. How can I get her out of my head in the time that she needs to think? When I talk to her all I do is talk to her about us and how much I have changed and I think she is getting annoyed about it, but I can't help it. Please someone help.. .
Letting her back into my life !
Threads merged and edited,
Little did I know that the events after this changed everything.
Saturday she seemed very cheerful. She went to see Chris, a bloke she met at a bar 2 weeks before we broke up, as she did Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. When I found out about this I felt so cheated on. I had never been so upset in my life. She told me that they were just friends. Me and everyone else think differently. This friend must be very special for her to see him everyday when they hardly new each other.
She said she didn't know hoe she felt about me and needed time. I found this very hard to deal because of chris.
4 weeks later I had made a love letter for her constructed from my heart and soul. She told me that their was no chance of us getting back together and that she had feelings for chris. I was absolutely distraught! I cried all night knowing that I had an exam the next day. Knowing everything I thought would happen happened. If only I told her to delete his number when we were together perhaps this might not have happened, if only I talked to her more.
She told me this on a Tuesday. The Monday after she was going on a holiday with her mate that me and her booked before we broke up. In that time I started to get me feet sorted and I guess I started to like get a move on with things. Started to hang around with my mates more.
On the Friday she was due back and that day was our valedictory (where the whole year goes to a disco ball thing). I new it would be hard for me because I would see her there. Most of the night I didn't say anything to her. Half way through the night however I made eye contact with her and asked her if she was OK, she replied no so I went over and asked why. Chris had text her saying he doesn't feel like that about her anymore. She said she was upset and realises she still has a few feelings for me. She cried in front of everyone at the party and said I was write about him.
I know I might be getting strung around but I love her very much! We chatted the next day and she said maybe if we go out a little more together we might give it a second chance. I was really pleased. Later that day she had her arms around me when we were walking places and we cuddled up while walking.
I duno if you will agree with me but there is a difference between a friendly hug and a passionate hug isn't there. One common difference between them is that a passionate hug is when you hug tightly and have the hug for a long period. We were doing that all day. I felt so happy!
The next day everything changed! She said "dont think because of what happened yesterday will get us back together". I don't know where I stand now. She told me that yesterday didn't feel right and that she doesn't know how she feels again. I don't know why she carried on doing what she did if it didn't feel right.
She is friends again with this chris guy and said to me that they are only going to be friends.
I don't know where I stand with her! She said she wants to see me Saturday to watch a film together and talk and stuff but I don't know what to prepare for. This is really hard. I started to get over her and I just let her back in like that and the same thing is happening again as last time.
Please help!!
