Hi,

I don't know what to do, I've been with my husband for 6 years, 3 married. When we got together it was fantastic and over the years had some brilliant times, holidays of a lifetime, bought our first home, then sadly my grandfather passed away which then enabled us to buy our first house, that we were going to live in forever and it would be our home, we were going to finish doing up the flat and sell it but the market crashed and we were stuck with 2 properties, fortunately we have found some tenants!

Anyway, we've been though some pretty heavy times too and it seems that whenever something goes right, everything then goes wrong, he hasn't been very nice to me, spent most of my grandad's money on drugs we've had blaring rows that have ended in violence, he left in December, moved into the flat but begged to come back cause he loved and missed me and promised he would change, help me out a bit and stop being selfish but unfortunately he has left again.

I am now all alone in the house, that as I said was meant to be our home, I have no friends nor do I have any family, I kind of adoped his. This time he has met someone else and is living with her, I can't handle it, I know that I'll have to back off from his family cause soon he'll want to introduce her then I'll be totally alone, I miss him so much and love him dearly and I know now that I never showed him enough love, I've text him and told him that I miss him and he replied that we need to move on, I can't, what do I do?

We don't have any children together we just have the two properties and I'm scared of losing everything, I'm only 24, I don't want to go through divorce, I love him so much I've been told to think of the bad times instead of the good and that will make me feel better, it's not working, it's making me feel sick that I know he's with someone else, and dare I say it, obviously sleeping with her too, it makes my stomach turn.

So, you are madly in love with a drug addicted thief? Sounds to me like you are either in denial or a masochist. Which is it? Get yourself a lawyer to protect your assets and then get this bum out of your life once and for all.

I would definitely see him being out of the picture as a blessing! Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Divorces are painful but losing this guy is the best thing you can do. You're young and have much to look forward to. Kick this jerk to the curb and get on with your life.

It's time to go out and find new people, interests and hobbies. Take back your life and your power. You can do this!

He's not addicted to drugs anymore, we overcame that

Andrea,

I'm sorry, but there are no quick easy answers for the situation you find yourself in. Marriage is not now or ever intended to put a smooth road in front of you.

I will say that in my instance, it took four years of getting to know each other before we finally settled in. Fortunately, for us any way, we were not blessed with a child until year four.

Your spouse seems to me to be a opportunist and someone who does not care about the misery he creates as long as he is happy. Just look at your life now, he's off having a good time yet you are miserable. Is he worth what you are going through because of his actions?

You may not believe this but there are men in this world who do not treat a wife or a lady with such despicable behavior or such a complete lack of respect.

You, simply because you are a lady and you have implicit dignity and deserve to be cared for accordingly.

I know that I would never even think of doing what your "non" husband has done to you. First, my lady would not tolerate that behavior. She would probably invite me to attend my own autopsy and then make sure every blade is dulled and infected with any number of germs. More importantly, I personally would never want to hurt her that way.

This is a lady who gave herself to me in wedlock and does not deserve to be treated as an afterthought or disregarded.

Sorry for the length, but as much as I dislike people to divorce, you must now seriously consider this option. You and every woman in similar situation deserve better!

I would get some really good legal advice about how to go about dividing the assets you've got. You both probably have to share the blame for what happened, but I think that you should look to the future now and try and plan what you're going to do.

I hate to sound old fashioned, but you did meet when you were very young, and changes happen very quickly when you're in your 20's. I think that he's outgrown you and you're clinging to him because you're afraid of being alone.

Perhaps it's time to move somewhere else and make a life for yourself.

Also, make some friends! You need support. Find new hobbies. Take classes. Take a pottery class. A knitting class. A dance class. Yoga class. Anything to get out there. You'll have an opportunity to meet people and make friends as well as something to take your mind off your troubles.

As much as it will pain you, a lawyer is your first priority, to get your freedom, and handle your business. There is plenty of time later to grieve and regroup, and heal. I think you need a fresh start to build a life that makes you happy, because he is not the good partner you need or deserve, nor want to share your life with. Your hurt now, but it gets better, when you get busy working in your own behalf.

Sorry for your situation, but you will be glad you left this guy behind.

I agree with the others.

He has used you, and you were blinded by love. Now that he's moved onto another victim, you are left in the dust to clean up his mess.

Men (or women for that matter), with the kind of character that would allow them to steal and squander thousands of dollars of yours on drugs, always have everybody else in the back seat. It is only their needs that matter.

That he gave you what he needed to in order to get what he wanted, does not mean he did it out of love or respect for you, or for mutual benefit. The blaring fights that ended in violence was a clear indicator of who he really was, and he would have got worse with time.

Users and abusers I call them. The cold hard truth is, he lived a lie, and you were married to a man with a false personna.

Hit and run. No deep emotional ties. I do believe that he was probably not marriage material in the first place, but charmed the socks off you. That he stayed to take advantage of monetary gain, doesn't mean the relationship wouldn't have ended anyway. I think it would have.

You have to take care of yourself now. As Taliniman and others have said, see a lawyer, get your finances in order; take care of business now, before there are any other surprises.

Everybody else has said it nicely. Let me be blunt: Do NOT let this insert your own expletive steal the house your grandfather gave you. Yes, it's more complicated than that but that's what it boils down to. Does he already have the flat?

Get the property in your name only as fast as possible.

25 years after the drugs and 5 years after the cigarettes I still get cravings. Maybe he's stopped, for now.

Everybody else gave great advice.

Question is how can you be with somebody who stole and also now living and sleeping with another girl while your still married.

You need to move on, as he has moved on. You need a divorce. Yes people go through really rough times and good times. Some people do not know how to handle it, but you need to handle it in your own way, not his way.

You need to get out and create a life that has other people in it. I know it will not be easy but you will be doing yourself a lot of favors by getting to know others and making some of your own friends.

Best wishes to you. You're the only one that can make positive changes for your life for yourself.

This man will not do it for you.

Joe