Hi,

I really need help and advices. I'm married with 2 kids. Im working abroad, my husband is unemployed at the moment. We are married for 5 years already, Our love story is a whirlwind relationship. I had a long relationship way back then, when he courted me. I fell in love with (him) my husband now and given up everything for him, in 4 months time I got pregrant and eventually we got married. My husband is very suspicious and jealous. He always think I have somebody else, he got to open my own emails, and every time I joke him, he easily means it and we keep on arguing because he will always tell me, he doesn't trust me from the very beginning since he had been a witness of my acts on leaving my ex- boyfriend for him. Every time we argue, he always keep on repeating, I love you but I don't trust you, and convincing me-- by asking--- you tell me, you really don't love me, you love and desire somebody else. MY GOD ! I'm really sick of his attitudes. He always tell me, don't ever tell me you're a decent woman, you are not! Look at what you've done on your ex- boyfriend, you've fooled him, he's a good man. These lines are always repeating. He would even tell me, I don't want our daughters to be like you. Please help me. I sick and tired of my husband. Please help me

You are married to what in this country is called a control freak. In my opinion this is a form of abuse. So you have two choices, roll over and take it or get out now while you can.

Your husband is verbally abusive and you do not deserve this behavior.

Seek a marriage counselor. Your husband has some major insecurity issues that cannot be helped without professional guidance. If he won't go with you, go alone. It will be beneficial for both of you... and your daughters.

Good luck to you

He's insecure, controlling, verbally abusive, lacks trust in you, lacks confidence in himself...

Normally we would be telling someone like him to leave you because he lost your trust. Now it's the reverse situation and it's the same result. There's no reason for you to stay in such a suffocating marriage. You can't even tell each other jokes. Why continue to torture yourself?

It's time to leave him and move on with your life...

First don't let him open your email, that is "HIS" problem that he has to deal with,

And if and when he starts being abusive, walk off if you can, don't allow yourself to have to listen to it.

Get into counseling if possible.

That's just insane. Because you left your ex for him, now you're a cheater and whatever else he says? Maybe he should be happy to have fallen in love with you and you got married and have children. He tells you your ex was a good man? Well my answer to that would be "your right honey and now I am going back to him, thanks for pointing that out" Just leave him. If there is no sensible way to get through to him why waste any of your time.

First of all stop arguing with him. He keeps pulling you into his drama and you keep responding to it.

Secondly, tell him that you can't change the past. That is over and done with. You have dealt with it, now he needs to. After all, he was a party in the infidelity as well.

Thirdly, let him know that his obsessive behavior is utterly unacceptable. Let him know that if he loves you and wants to save the marriage then he needs to go to counselling to deal with HIS problem.

Fourthly, don't be drawn into discussing this further with him. If he tries to argue leave the room. I would suggest that if he refuses to do any of the things that you have requested, then he doesn't really love you and I would consider leaving the marriage.

Instead of arguing with him - give him the choice.

I agree with the others and tell him it takes two so he is just as guilty for making you fall in love with him enough to cause you to leave your ex boyfriend.

Enough talk, one of you has to go. I do mean now, as arguing with a fool is a waste of time. It only adds fuel to the fire, and accomplishes nothing.

Do you have family, friends, and a support system? Do you have a lawyer?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I agree with the others and tell him it takes two so he is just as guilty for making you fall in love with him enough to cause you to leave your ex bf.

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It's possible he feels guilty too and he's shifting the blame onto her.

There's no reason for you to put up with his behavior. He either lets it go and be happy that he's with you. Or, he can continue to suffer, but that doesn't mean he has the right to drag you down with him. You deserve better than that.

Has he been jealous just since you've been working abroad? Or is he and the kids with you wherever you are.

When you say you gave up everything for him, what do you mean.

Why is he unemployed.

With two kids in the picture, you working abroad, him not working, he is highly suspicious without cause according to you, I think it's time for marriage counselling before this gets any worse. (not that its bad enough now)

Jealousy usually stems from insecurity. I agree with Gemini to stop defending yourself against ridiculous accusations. A jealous, insecure, unemployed husband, who brings up an ex boyfriend over and over to justify his behaviour toward you is in some kind of trouble himself.

This isn't about you. He's got some problems to work out.