Here is another one of my poems... tell me what you think... this is my second favorite...

It's called "Hey You"

•Hey you irresistible person, listen to what I have to say,
•Just listen and don't ignore me like you did almost every day,
•I know what you said, that you'll stay true to your word,
•Well I have my own word too,
•And it's clawing out from inside of me, trying ot be heard,
•You say you'll never do it again... you know, break my heart,
•But what really hurts is us being apart,
•No, not now, of course, we both need time to heal,
•Just let me share my feelings, show you how I feel,
•I say I won't go back, oh what a threat!
•But I have a feeling I won't stick to that, that's something that I fret,

•Hey you with the gorgeous smile, do you understand me?
•This whole story is very complicating,
•The only thing that breaks my heart more,
•Is not to be with you ever again,
•We need to somehow reach our core,
•And for right now... just be friends,
•But let me tell you, if I don't get my last chance ever?
•I might as well go crawl in a black hole and live there forever!

•Hey you that I love, do you get it?
•Stay in touch please, so we don't forget,
•I hope you get my message, you're addicting and I can't stay away,
•It won't work out now, but please consider another day.

opinions?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazychick56

here is another one of my poems...... tell me what you think.... this is my second favorite........

it's called "Hey You"

•Hey you irresistable person, listen to what i have to say,
•Just listen and don't ignore me like you did almost every day,
•I know what you said, that you'll stay true to your word,
•Well I have my own word too,
•And it's clawing out from inside of me, trying ot be heard,
•You say you'll never do it again... you know, break my heart,
•But what really hurts is us being apart,
•No, not now, of course, we both need time to heal,
•Just let me share my feelings, show you how I feel,
•I say I won't go back, oh what a threat!
•But i have a feeling I won't stick to that, that's something that I fret,

•Hey you with the gorgeous smile, do you understnad me?
•This whole story is very complicating,
•The only thing that breaks my heart more,
•Is not to be with you ever again,
•We need to somehow reach our core,
•And for right now... just be friends,
•But let me tell you, if I don't get my last chance ever?
•I might as well go crawl in a black hole and live there forever!

•Hey you that I love, do you get it?
•Stay in touch please, so we don't forget,
•I hope you get my message, you're addicting and I can't stay away,
•It won't work out now, but please consider another day.

opinions?

---

Hi crazychick56! ironclad04 here, I read your poem, its very nice, check out my thread on the poem I did, look for (QUOTE ME ON THIS POEM THREAD BY IRONCLAD04) u might get an idea on the aspect of rythme, you don't want too much, but this is good! I'm not a pro either, but you want to leave readers guessing a little?? But not to bad, thumps!! Keep it real

I believe I read that and I must say I liked it a lot... poetry just speaks to me whether I write it or another person does but either way I love writing,:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crazychick56

i believe i read that and i must say i liked it alot.... poetry just speaks to me whether i write it or another person does but either way i love writing,:)

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See! Got any new ideas? That's the best one I've ever written before, and I'm quite proud of the accomplishment! I wish you luck

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by crazychick56

here is another one of my poems...... tell me what you think.... this is my second favorite........

it's called "Hey You"

•Hey you irresistable person, listen to what i have to say,
•Just listen and don't ignore me like you did almost every day,
•I know what you said, that you'll stay true to your word,
•Well I have my own word too,
•And it's clawing out from inside of me, trying ot be heard,
•You say you'll never do it again... you know, break my heart,
•But what really hurts is us being apart,
•No, not now, of course, we both need time to heal,
•Just let me share my feelings, show you how I feel,
•I say I won't go back, oh what a threat!
•But i have a feeling I won't stick to that, that's something that I fret,

•Hey you with the gorgeous smile, do you understnad me?
•This whole story is very complicating,
•The only thing that breaks my heart more,
•Is not to be with you ever again,
•We need to somehow reach our core,
•And for right now... just be friends,
•But let me tell you, if I don't get my last chance ever?
•I might as well go crawl in a black hole and live there forever!

•Hey you that I love, do you get it?
•Stay in touch please, so we don't forget,
•I hope you get my message, you're addicting and I can't stay away,
•It won't work out now, but please consider another day.

opinions?

---

seems more like a pop song and less like a poem, but who am I to judge artistic expression. I still stand that there isn't much going on here in terms of poetry though.
the beautiful thing about poems to me is the use of words to create both unreal situations and express emotions/things that are otherwise intangible otherwise

I bet you are proud everybody is usually proud of their work and thank you very much, I am also working on my second novel and will need all the help I can get haha but I wish you luck with your poems as well:)

You would make an amazing song writer as well!

I have also written many songs before too...

I have written short stories, small books, one novel(working on my second), songs, poems, and I draw... maybe I'm not the best drawer but it still helps let out all those feelings I tend to bottle up, and I am a dancer. I dance and let out energy when I'm down.

What type of dancing? When I was a kid I wanted to tap dance but my dad wouldn't let me LOL!

I do everything... modern, jazz, hiphop, everything.

My son is in a break dancing class and he loves it. Dancing another great way to express yourself!

I just have so many problems shall I say lol that pressure gets to me I get stressed and next thing you know I have this guy problem as well bigger than the face of the moon so those few items are what I do to pass time and let out energy:)