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-   -   I'm in love with my best friend's exboyfriend (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=362839)

  • Jun 6, 2009, 08:27 AM
    jmnr
    Threads merged and edited, all 4 of them.

    I'm not very outgoing, therefore, I'm not very confident around other guys.How do I make them believe that I'm confident and how do I become more outgoing with everyone, without coming across as ditzy.


    I'm in love with my best friend's ex boyfriend. She's okay with me going out with him. I was going out with him, and he broke up with me because he wanted to save our relationship(we were and still are bestfriends). I really need someone's opinion on whether I should ask him out again, because I am in love with him. Who better to ask for and opinion than your best friend?

    I need to know if I should go to my best friend despite the awkwardness.
    I need to know if I should ask him out again.

    Thanks
  • Jun 6, 2009, 08:38 AM
    Lonelyandbroken

    You do it be being confident. You got to learn who you are and be comfortable with who you are. Then others will start to see it.
  • Jun 6, 2009, 06:53 PM
    mudweiser

    Simply tell him.

    You could say:
    "I'm in love with you and I want to know it's mutual"
    "I want more than friendship and I want to know if you want the same"
    "I've fallen for you and I would like to start seeing you romantically"


    Just let it come out, naturally.

    Also do it when your alone, not in front of people or at a party...

    Good luck to you,

    Sarah
  • Jun 8, 2009, 05:51 PM
    Megan2345

    So he broke up with you because he was afraid that it'd ruin your friendship with his ex?
  • Jun 9, 2009, 03:45 AM
    jmnr
    No. He broke up with me because he wanted to save the friendship between me and him. Me and him were and are still best friends.

    (So are me and his ex girlfriend but that's irrelevant right now.)
  • Jun 11, 2009, 02:44 PM
    I wish
    You won't know how he feels until you ask. If he feels the same way, then it could be a great relationship. If he doesn't, then you can go back to being friends because he's supposedly a really close friend. If anything, your bond might get even stronger because the tension is out. And you will be able to start moving on instead of putting your lovelife on hold waiting for him.

    After confessing your feelings, you're going to need some time apart to get over him. Once you're over him, then you can be friends again.

    The point I was trying to make was, if you're really close friends in the first place (but you had to go into no contact to get over that person), then you will find each other again and your friendship can go back to what it once was.

    Furthermore, we're talking about a supposedly best friend here. So if he's really a best friend, he should know not to give false hope and lead you on. He would even help you with the no contact until you're completely over him before he'll start talking to you again.

    This is all assuming that he doesn't like you back and to reduce the fear of confessing your feelings to your best friend.
  • Jun 11, 2009, 02:52 PM
    DrJ

    Touchy subject.

    I don't really agree with I wish though... if you express your feelings for him and he Doesn't feel the same way, GREAT relationship or not, it will be hard to connect on the same level for him... for his fear of leading you on.

    The good news is that you are the girl and he is the guy (you said he was a guy... Im assuming you are a girl.. if not, that may change things ENTIRELY). That's good news because it should be fairly simple to determine if he has feelings for you without exposing yourself.

    More than likely, if he likes spending a lot of time with you, he does actually like you. Guys are not at ALL as good at being "just friends" with a girl.

    Does he initiate contact between you two? Or do you? Is he the one wanting to hang out with you? Or are you usually the one to offer to do something?
  • Jun 11, 2009, 03:07 PM
    DrJ

    Agreed. Some time apart would help. If he is a real man and a real friend, he can easily do it.. but most guys aren't that way.
  • Jun 14, 2009, 11:29 AM
    talaniman
    Quote:
    I'm not very outgoing, therefore, I'm not very confident around other guys.How do I make them believe that I'm confident and how do I become more outgoing with everyone, without coming across as ditzy.
    Be yourself, because you can't control what they believe, nor should you try.
    Quote:
    I need to know if I should go to my best friend despite the awkwardness.
    No, he has said he doesn't want to be anything but your friend. That's all there is.
    Quote:
    I need to know if I should ask him out again. What's your best friend going to do, change his mind for you?
    As a friend okay maybe, as a boyfriend NO! Forget the boyfriend stuff with him.
  • Jun 20, 2009, 12:40 PM
    sweet1028

    Sometimes guy friends to girls make them think that they can possibly be more than that since they are such great friends it would have to work. Not always. Getting into a relationship with a guy who is your best friend makes things weird after the "let's just be friends" is brought into play. He just wants to be friends, nothing else so just take some time apart and be friends with him a little later. Move on with your relationship life, and let him be the guy friend that beats the guys who hurt you in future relationships lol. Good luck!
  • Jun 20, 2009, 01:09 PM
    raychi
    [QUOTE=Lonelyandbroken;1780688]You do it be being confident. You got to learn who you are and be comfortable with who you are. Then others will start to see it.[yeah that's about right]

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