Ask Me Help Desk - How to get my first love back

How to get my first love back

Recently I connected with my first love on Facebook. The chat was mind blowing. All these years, when I would bump into her, she would ignore me. I sent a simple message asking, "remember me?". The response was a surprise. All those things I thought were true about two people who both were de-virgined together are true. We both never forgot our first love (each other).
I know she's living with a guy, and I guess my question is, how does one go from here? I would like very much to get back with her, but I'm not sure how to go about it without pushing her away.

That's tough. You could send her a message telling her that you still have feelings for her.

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Originally Posted by snowballchap

I know she's living with a guy, and I guess my question is, how does one go from here? I would like very much to get back with her, but I'm not sure how to go about it without pushing her away.

STOP.

She's in a relationship. Stop yourself.

You will get hurt. You will ruin any chance you have with her in the future. Stop.

If she wants to be with you let her end this relationship first.

Sarah

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

STOP.

She's in a relationship. Stop yourself.

You will get hurt. You will ruin any chance you have with her in the future. Stop.

If she wants to be with you let her end this relationship first.

Sarah

I haven't started really. Her reply was that she remembers everything about me, that I was her first love, first sex, and "real" first boyfriend. I echoed her sentiments, and we did some recall together. She accepted my friend request, so now, I'm sort of in her life. I figured I'd see how things roll first but not push her. What do you think?

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Originally Posted by snowballchap

She accepted my friend request, so now, I'm sorta in her life. I figured I'd see how things roll first but not push her. What do you think?

I think it's a great thing. You really shouldn't jump into these imaginary scenarios where you two are in a relationship again.

I don't see a problem with you two being friends. However, I think rehashing the past is a good idea.

Imagine you're her boyfriend for a minute. Would you think that type of conversation is appropriate? I think not.

Sarah

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

I think it's a great thing. You really shouldn't jump into these imaginary scenarios where you two are in a relationship again.

I don't see a problem with you two being friends. However, I think rehashing the past is a good idea.

Imagine your her boyfriend for a minute. Would you think that type of conversation is appropriate? I think not.

Sarah

I agree with you, and I put that to her. I said, "I'll understand if you think my friend request to be improper". She then accepted the request and said, "why would you say that"? I ducked her question by saying, "never mind, you know me, I was always saying stupid things". So, it's really in a feel out period. I think I'll simply be her friend and let it go from there.

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Originally Posted by snowballchap

So, it's really in a feel out period. I think I'll simply be her friend and let it go from there.

That's good. Keep it that way.

I do want to note that:

If she cheats for you, she will cheat on you. If she lies for you, she will lie to you.
________________________

Keep your eyes peeled.

Sarah

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I know she's living with a guy, and I guess my question is, how does one go from here?

She is unavailable for getting back together romantically.

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Originally Posted by snowballchap https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
So, it's really in a feel out period. I think I'll simply be her friend and let it go from there.

So you have hopes to get more than friendship.

Your fooling yourself, and not taking into account the changes time has made to you both, and while your excited to have her back in your life, you are different people than the youngsters who lost their virginity together.

Go slow, very slow, and don't make her the center of your life just yet. FRIENDS only. After all she is basically a stranger, and would you mess with a stranger that had a boyfriend?

You're the one who reached out to her, not the other way around. If it was the other way around, I would think you had a chance. However, it seems like she's probably happy with the way things are now. Unless she's truly unhappy with the person she's with now, I can't see you having a chance. I don't like saying this, but I think this way. I could be wrong.

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Originally Posted by teastalk

You're the one who reached out to her, not the other way around. If it was the other way around, I would think you had a chance. However, it seems like she's probably happy with the way things are now. Unless she's truly unhappy with the person she's with now, I can't see you having a chance. I don't like saying this, but I think this way. I could be wrong.

Your points are very good. I know how she is, and she never would have reached out. You see, we broke off very clean because I ended it. She had cheated and it crushed me. This of course was 1982. I've been well over it for years. It hurt her terribly too. We were destined for marriage. We both married others and neither worked out. She has changed, I've seen her mature into a wonderful woman. We both live in a very small town, but we never talked for all those years, not even a hello when we would pass by, there was pain on both sides. I had heard her asking around about me recently which prompted me to reach out. I'm not sure about her present relationship, through mutual friends, I have heard it's on and off.

Well, it sounds like the relationship she is having with her boyfriend isn't going very well. However, you should not step into the equation at this moment. A lot of times people think that they can be the one to "lend the shoulder" to another who is hurting emotionally and can perhaps step in and take the boyfriend role. (I'm not saying this is you).

But, it isn't a good idea, to become involved with someone who is in a relationship. It always ends up messy. The person either goes back and forth between the two individuals or they use you as emotional support only. You may never "level up" and become the boyfriend.

The safest bet would be to lay off until she decides to break it up with her boyfriend if she's truly in a bad relationship. You don't want to be the one promoting that it's a bad relationship, however, because you don't want to get blamed for it later on. Also you don't want her to go back to him to see if there was really something there if she didn't stay in the relationship until she was satisfied whether it was a good one or a bad one.

None of this smell right to me, and sorry guy, and all do respect, even if she leaves her b/f, jumping to you, makes you a rebound. Even if your source are reliable, it would appear her circumstances are at best an attempt to find a soft landing somewhere else.

Talaniman Rule- Never mess with an ex who has an ex in there life.

It's a disaster waiting to happen. The thing you are not seeing is, that she will need time, and who knows how much, to unpack her past baggage and get healthy thru healing before she can be ready for anything healthy with someone else.

Jumping from guy to guy, is not healthy, for either of you, and your "see where it goes" stance puts you in a bad position in regard to her. You'll never see the red flags and warning signs, in time.

Sorry again, but I cannot see how looking back wards, can move you forward.

Common sense over feelings. Give it thought. Then there is this.

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She had cheated and it crushed me. This of course was 1982. I've been well over it for years.

That's good but FACT remains, it did happen, and why, you don't know. You do know it was a deal breaker then.

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It hurt her terribly too.

You assume so, but don't know.

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We were destined for marriage. We both married others and neither worked out.

That could be said of everyone on this earth piratically, and isn't a relevant fact. Its is something to keep in mind though.

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She has changed, I've seen her mature into a wonderful woman. We both live in a very small town,

You both have changed a lot as you are not the same people as you were back in the day. Does that make you better suited to each other? Debatable and unknown.

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but we never talked for all those years, not even a hello when we would pass by, there was pain on both sides.

You assume what she is feeling, and it may not be the same pain as yours.

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I had heard her asking around about me recently which prompted me to reach out.

Dude, that's a reaction to her action, and contradicts what you said she would never do, reach out to you. In a small town, you can bet she knows word will get around, and exactly who to talk to so it does get back to you. Red Flag here.

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I'm not sure about her present relationship, through mutual friends, I have heard it's on and off.

And of course they are good sources for facts that are accurate.

For these reasons and others, tread carefully with eyes open, as the bottom line is time has made her a stranger despite your observations.

Facts, not just feelings are what you want.