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I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 16 we're thinking about getting married this summer. His parents are 100% for it but mine well... Let's just say we won't even go talk to mine till everything is set in stone and we can do it without them. But the problem is I can't find any state that will let us get married without my parents and his parents consent. So in short I just need a state that will let us marry with only his parents consenting.
Not going to happen. Depending on where you live it's not even legal for you to have sex.
Also, why do you want to get married right now? You're a child. Children shouldn't marry.
Are his parents insane thinking it's okay? I can't imagine any parent letting their 16 year old son marry.
What's the rush? Why not wait until you're an adult?
You can't even legally drink- what makes you think you can get married?
Sarah
Well I love him and when you find the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. His parents are looking at it from our point of view. What's going to make us the happiest? Plus his family situation is going to get very complicated very soon and he doesn't want to deal with custudy battles and if you've met my parents you would understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
I know it sounds horrible but his grandparents were married at 15 & 16 and his great grandparents were married at 15 & 16 and most of his aunts and uncles were. All of them still happily married.
It's a different world now. Underage marriages don't have a good chance of surviving.
Also, if you love him now you'll love him 7 years from now, when you're an adult and this doesn't have to be so hard.
Where will you live? How will you survive? Most places won't even hire someone your age, how do you plan to make money? What about school?
You're not playing house. It's not all gits and shiggles, marriage is hard work, even when you're mature enough to handle it.
You're way too young. You're a child. Children shouldn't get married.
His parents offered us a place to live till we graduate and get a place of our own we've been saving and he's been putting every paycheck he gets in savings along with every penny I earn doing anything. And I never said I expected an easy life. I just know it will be worth it. I've talked to married couples at my school, researched, prayed about it. I know the stats and how hard life will be. I'm prepared for whatever life throws at me. The only thing I'm worried about is my parents. And in case you're wondering no, I'm not pregnant. In fact I'm still a virgin.
Wrong. Who told you this? It doesn't even make sense. "Once you find the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with you want to start a.s.a.p". If you've already decided they were that person then what does marriage have to do with any of it? There are plenty of people that wait till they finish college or at least high school to get married. If your going to be with them forever then why rush it? There is no point and logic to that statement.Quote:
Originally Posted by helloworld78
Sorry, but those parents sound like they were smoking something. Parents don't just let their kids do what makes them happy. If they did you'd see a lot more kids in jail, toddlers with no limbs or hair, and a big lineup at your town's psychologist office.Quote:
His parents are looking at it from our point of view. What's going to make us the happiest?
.Quote:
Plus his family situation is going to get very complicated very soon and he doesn't want to deal with custudy battles and if you've met my parents you would understand
What exactly is going on? Would he be moving to another city or state?
Parents- gee they are so lame, always making your life heck. What is it that about your parents that would make you want to marry so soon? Do they abuse you?
Yea okay. I know your in love. I've been there. Most certainly everyone has at some point or other. However before even trying to "tie the knot" think of these things:
-Where are you going to live?
-If your going to live on your own, how are your bills going to get paid?
-Are you going to be finishing school?
-How will you guys support yourselves; your married now hunny and you've just cut away from momma and poppa so that means no more allowance.
-Are you going to protect yourself from having children?
-How are you going to get around? Do you have a license, a car? How are going to pay insurance?
These are just the basic questions, and if you think those are hard I really don't think you've really looked at the big picture.
Sarah
There are just so many reasons not to get married at 15, and only one really unrealistic on to do it, that's love.
Sweetie, you don't even know what love is yet. Are your feelings for him real? I'm sure they are. I'm sure that what you're feeling is very real indeed, but is it love? Will it last? Chances are it won't.
There are very few people that stay with their teen love. You're still growing, maturing, getting older and wiser, it may be that you two will grow apart in time, the stats say you will. So then what? Divorce at 17, or the remainder of your life with a person you thought you loved.
Like I said. If you're in love now, if it's really love, lasting love, then why rush? Why not wait until you're old enough to get married without anyone's consent?
This just doesn't make any sense. This could possibly be the biggest mistake of your life.
I know, you're 15, you know everything, but really, you don't know jack.
Wait. Your parents are right, his parents couldn't be more wrong.
What exactly is going on? Would he be moving to another city or state?
-----------His birth father sexually and phisically abused him and phisically abused his mom causing her many miscarriges and trama galore. He had to have counceling for years to get to the point where he could sleep alone at night. His birth father vanished for about 10 years but magically is back and is trying to get custody of him. Which I would not be concerned about if his mom wasn't in the state she's in. She has kidney failure and can't sleep the doctors aren't giving her long to live and she's such a wreak she's getting a divorce from his step-father (who has no custudy of him) so the way life is looking he could very well end up with his biological father who intends to kill my boyfriend and then himself to go live in heaven with his parents.
My parents are only very emotionally abusive. Like if I'm not perfect I fail as a daughter. They EXPECT 4.0 GPA and CPA, Spotless Room, Laundry done weekly, basically clean the whole house, I also take care of my grandpa; fix him every meal he eats practically and get him whatever he needs, and whatever social life I have plus a lot social events they have they 'request' my presence and if I falter at one thing it's "What's wrong with you?"
-Where are you going to live?Quote:
Yea okay. I know your in love. I've been there. Most certainly everyone has at some point or other. However before even trying to "tie the knot" think of these things:
--------With his parents or grandparents the way life is going most likely his grandparents till we graduate at high school
-If your going to live on your own, how are your bills going to get paid?
---------We won't be living on our own however many of my family members own their own business and have offered me a job.
-Are you going to be finishing school?
----------I'll graduate from high school and move on to colledge. He's going to be a Sportscaster and I'll be a writer.
-How will you guys support yourselves; your married now hunny and you've just cut away from momma and poppa so that means no more allowance.
----------I have been offered a job by many of my family members as I previously stated.
-Are you going to protect yourself from having children?
----------We are not having kids until we're 100% done with school. We both agree they will need a mom and dad who are stable.
-How are you going to get around? Do you have a license, a car? How are going to pay insurance?
-----------I do believe I answered all financial plans previously.
So you won't be having sex until you've graduated college and have a stable job and a place to live?Quote:
We are not having kids until we're 100% done with school. We both agree they will need a mom and dad who are stable.
We've looked at our options on that already. We know our stuff. You guys are too busy trying to tell me no rather than asking my original question.Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
Options? You mean birth control? You do know that no form of birth control is 100% effective, right? I mean you're very mature, ready for marriage, so you do know that even if you use the pill, a condom and iud all at the same time, you could still get pregnant.Quote:
Originally Posted by helloworld78
So, what happens if this "option" of yours fails and you get pregnant? Then what?
Also, I answered your question. Look at my first post.
We've looked at that too we'll keep the baby and give the child a loving home and we'll do the best we can. Like I said we have been saving sweetheart.
If this indeed is going to happen then he can very well contact children's services and if indeed the mother knows about this she can emancipate him instead of having her son gone and murdered.Quote:
Originally Posted by helloworld78
However like most teens do. I think this is the "worst case scenario". Give it some time, right now your just jumping to conclusions.
Ha. Sounds like normal parents to me. They want you to do your best in school! By the way since when has a tidy home been emotional abuse- how do you expect to keep your home? Messy, can't see the floor? AND I can't believe you had the audacity to say your "taking care of your grandpa" but I'm pretty sure your parents are the ones supporting him financially and tending to his every need- what are you expecting to do when your married? Your going to have a husband who gets hungry you know, a husband who'll want some clean underwear in his drawers.Quote:
My parents are only very emotionally abusive. Like if I'm not perfect I fail as a daughter. They EXPECT 4.0 GPA and CPA, Spotless Room, Laundry done weekly, basically clean the whole house, I also take care of my grandpa; fix him every meal he eats practically and get him whatever he needs, and whatever social life I have plus a lot social events they have they 'request' my presence and if I falter at one thing it's "What's wrong with you?"
Have you spoken to them about this? Are they okay with this? Are they okay with buying you groceries, paying a higher utility bill, paying for your needs?Quote:
-Where are you going to live?
--------With his parents or grandparents the way life is going most likely his grandparents till we graduate at high school
There are laws out there that state that you can't work after a certain amount of hours- so your looking at a part time or even weekend job. Let me tell you; it won't be enough to live on.Quote:
-If your going to live on your own, how are your bills going to get paid?
---------We won't be living on our own however many of my family members own their own business and have offered me a job.
He's going to be a sportscaster? Did he already get the interview, the job is set? And you a writer - a successful one too- right out of college.Quote:
-Are you going to be finishing school?
----------I'll graduate from high school and move on to colledge. He's going to be a Sportscaster and I'll be a writer.
Wake up. Reality check. Not all writers turn out to be Stephen King. If your going to college and your both married who is going to pay for tuition? Student loan you say-- all right then now your in debt. Congrats.
Like I said, many laws out there keeping you from working "normal" hours. Plus your going to school right? That takes at least 8 hours from your day.Quote:
-How will you guys support yourselves; your married now hunny and you've just cut away from momma and poppa so that means no more allowance.
----------I have been offered a job by many of my family members as I previously stated.
Good. What are you going to do about it? Just condoms? Please. You'll need to protect yourself as much as you can.Quote:
-Are you going to protect yourself from having children?
----------We are not having kids until we're 100% done with school. We both agree they will need a mom and dad who are stable.
Wrong.Quote:
-How are you going to get around? Do you have a license, a car? How are going to pay insurance?
-----------I do believe I answered all financial plans previously.
Sorry kiddo but I ain't buying what your selling.
Life is tough and well I hope you realize it isn't all dandy.
Sarah
When I had my first child I was 27, married for 3 years, owned my own home, had a career where I made $45,000/year and my husband made $50,000/year and we could barely make ends meet.Quote:
Originally Posted by helloworld78
How to you think you'd keep this baby with your "savings". If you have enough saved to afford a baby then you can buy a house.
Do you have any idea how much a baby costs? Just the doctors visits and hospital bill alone will run into the $20,000 range or more, and that's if you have a healthy pregnancy and baby, heaven forbid you or the child have problems, then you're looking at $100,000 and up, the sky's the limit.
Or are we, the taxpayers, going to be supporting your little family just because you want to play house?
I know that in your 15 year old brain you think everything will just work out, you'll live on love, as long as you're together everything will be great. Well it's time to get your head out of the clouds, because that's not reality.
Whatever, you're 15, you know everything right? You'll do what you want.
My prediction. You'll be divorced by 18 tops, you'll end up being a single mother, you won't finish school and you'll barely be able to get by with the welfare cheques you get every month.
I'm not basing my prediction on anyting other then facts. What are you basing things on?
First, even if you find a state that will allow you to get married at 16 without parrental permission (which I don't think exists), you would have to be a RESIDENT of that state to get married there. So that means moving there for at least 6 months. So that blows your whole plan of living the grandparents and working for a family business.
So, it appears you have not thought this out as thoroughly as you think you have.
The bottomline is you are a child. Though you seem fairly mature, there is still a lot of immaturity in your responses. At 15 most parents seem to be emotionally abusive because they want the best for their kids. Maybe your parent's goals for you are unrealistic, but I doubt if that is real emotional abuse. But lets say for a moment that it is. This sounds more like 'I want to get away from my parents' then 'I love him and want to be with him'.
Earlier you said his parents were fine with this. But, in fact, his father is not if he is trying to get custody and his mother has more serious problems. Unless the grandparents are his legal guardians, they have no say. So there goes his permission. And the same thing hold true for him. He's worried about his family situation and marriage appears a way out. So neither of you have a good reason for rushing into marriage.
So from a legal standpoint you can forget about marriage this young. You will be 18 in less than 3 years. I know that may seem like a lifetime, but its not. When you are 18 you won't need anyone's permission. If you still feel you want to marry then, you can give it a go.
Your original question was answered... there is no state in the country that is going to allow a minor to marry without parental consent. Many of them won't allow it even WITH parental consent.Quote:
Originally Posted by helloworld78
You are opening yourself up to a lot of heartache in maintaining a relationship with your boyfriend and his family.
All of them have major issues. I get the impression that he sees you as a way out, and you see him as needing rescued.
None of the problems will go away after you marry him. They will get worse because you do not have the life experience to handle them. If you were older, WITH life experience and particularly relationship experience, you would not choose this type of future, knowing what it is likely to be.
As you said, he wants to avoid custody issues with his biological father. I think again, that this is a solution for him, to marry you. He's thinking that he would be seen as an adult, because he is married. Do you see how immature this thinking is?
Back up the truck here and really take a good look at this situation. You are jumping from an unhealthy relationship to an unhealthy future. Going from age 15 into marriage, skipping a good chunk of maturing, is unrealistic, not sustainable, and something you will surely regret. IF it were to happen.
If I were you, I would not continue to find ways to get married. Instead, talk to a counsellor at your school, a friends parents, your own parents, your pastor, family doctor. Be open to the possibility that there are good reasons for 15 year olds not to marry.
Then, take your virginity and run like hell. None of this is going to work the way you think it is. It is not about getting married. It is about being manipulated by your boyfriend and his family into thinking its okay, because it suits thier needs.
NO reasonable adult would encourage marriage of teenage children. Think long and hard before you go any further with this.
Right now you are what is considered jail bait.
No state is going to marry you. Your parents could even charge him with taking you across state lines if they wanted to if you were able to find somewhere to get married.
You love him... wait.
... That is the only answer.
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