Break up after 3 1/2 years, but where are the success stories?
I mean all I see is people posting about how they've been in relationships and used the NC rule but have then moved on. I know tons of people that have broken up with 2-3 even 1-2 years increments but have gotten back together, and even some married for 40 years.
I won't lie. I've been reading all these posts because my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me about 4 days ago. I've been talking to her, not really trying to hover over her life right now, but I sit here (maybe had about 10 hours total of sleep so far) and it's 3 AM, and I wonder what girls mean by "I want to find myself". Doesn't this just mean she wants to date other people? I mean lets be honest... My girlfriend and I met when I was a Junior in HS now I'm a Junior in college, but throughout this whole time I've been wondering maybe we met too early? Maybe if she gets gets some time and... experiences what she feels she missed out on, love will come back to you.
So where are the success stories? This board is depressing - I know I shouldn't look for hope.. but
Mini story to summarize my issue here:
1st year: She went 1 month to italy for learning purposes.
(I don't like that fact that teenagers drink, they use it as an excuse to have fun)
She ends up drinking in Italy
I ask her if she did drink or maybe done anything she should tell me about?
"Nope"
2nd year: No problems, no fights, you know, the basics you'd look for (seems pretty
honest)
3rd year: I'm in college, she's in high school, she gets close with people, so what?
I find out she's been talking to another guy, sat with him on the bus on a 4 hour
trip to NYC. I don't care, everyone loves the feeling of meeting people, you
know?
She graduates, we're happy and
We spend a week on vacation and realize how good our life is
Now.. this is where it goes downhill - she confesses about the 3 year lie.
I get really angry with her, because even though she confessed, She should
have done it about 3 years ago.
Our relationship gets pretty bad. I don't encourage her, I call her names from
time to time, and I really don't understand why I did that?
So a few months later this same guy hits a little thing in her life where she feels
that she wants to break up, knowing me I try to talk with her about it.. we get
back together and we move on.
3rd - present year
No big fights, still some mistrust from me, I should have talked to someone
about how I didn't like her lies - but I know she had a good head on her
shoulders, and she only lied to be about the drinking because she didn't want
to hurt me. But when she grew up 2 years later she realized she needed to
tell me.
But where I think this all happened was when she told her friend in December
that if she kept having these feelings she would break up with me. So why did
she not talk to me about it? No idea... I know that talking is the best thing in a
relationship. But maybe she was insecure, I never even opened up with her
about the lies she had before, or even talked to anyone about it. Its bad for
someone to bottle that up inside. Just makes things worse in the end.
Anyway - The break up was pretty random, we spent the night together before that and just smiled, rubbed her back, hung out, watched movies, talked... like we usually do, said goodnight. She texted me and said "your too nice to me, i dont deserve it" *warning sign* Next morning she calls me with that voice.. and we all know the voice. And I ask what's wrong? Sooner or later it happened.
For the past 4 days I've lost sleep, lost appetite, and even haven't realized what happened. She lets me know she "Wants to be friends" - HAH! I hate those words being put together in one sentence. GET REAL. But I ask her what her intentions are. After four years of us not going to parties to drink, and keeping away from that stuff, finding other ways to hang out with friends. She tells me she wants to go drink, party, date other people. Umm? I this just because she's not grown out of that "High school" phase yet?
Lastly : I told her I needed closure, wanted her to say these things in person, she came over last night and for some odd reason she didn't feel distant in my eyes... Sat next to me, hugged me, and for some odd reason we kissed after she left. Is this just giving me false hope, or is there actually a chance we'll get back together down the road?
There is a lot more to this, but probably not the main point.