Ask Me Help Desk - I broke up with my girlfriend

I broke up with my girlfriend

I don't know what my problem is but I broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year. I love her and I think I'm in love with her so I don't know where we went wrong. I know that we both want different things in life. (i.e. family, kids, etc)
She wanted to work things out but I didn't.. . why?
Why? I am so confused with myself and why I did that. Maybe it wasn't meant to be? Maybe I was never in love with her? Why? Why!
I feel so bad that I hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her. I hurt as well but not as much as she is feeling right now I bet.
Love bites!

What is your past relationship history? By that I mean how many, how long they lasted and the reasons they ended. You might want to look for some type of "pattern" in your relationship behaviors. You did mention that you both want different things in life regarding family, kids, etc. You also mentioned that she wanted to work things out but you didn't. Was she the needy, clingy type? Perhaps that's what turned you off, maybe without your even realizing it. Perhaps you recognized some fundamental incompatibilities between the two of you. As for your actual question, it's impossible to give you an answer without more details.

Thank you s_cianci.
My past rel history.. I've had three serious or long-term relationships in my past. My first was with my baby's father of about 5 years. We were young, he cheated once. I was also confused with my 'sexuality'. Long story short, I cheated on him because I thought that was my only way out of that relationship. After that, I was with my ex girlfriend of about 2 years. We met and fell in love online. She moved from out of state to be with me. After a few months.. I cheated on her.. and thought 'bringing someone else into our relationship' would help her and I out. So we did that a few time. She cheated on me also.
After her and I broke up. I got with this other girl for a only a couple months. But I ended up cheating on her with my 'ex girlfriend'...
Then 'karma kicked in.
Those two 'hooked up'. We were all single. So they could have done what they pleased. That did hurt knowing they did that. Bla bla bla.
.. karma kicked in. my concience kicked in and realized that your not suppose to do certain things to someone you love. (Never did anything to hurt anyone intentionally).
So a couple months later after this.
I met this 'current ex gf', we were together for 14 months. 9 months of that she lived about an hour away. We couldn't see each other because of it but on the weekends, it was hard bcause we missed and loved each other so much. So she ended up quiting her job and moving in. no, I never cheated on her! She moved in. everything seemed great!
But with my pass, I will always 'dwell ' on it. I was honest w/her and told her about my past. She never really trusted me. But then she said she did because she noticed I changed. Etc etc.
I have a daughter. She wants a kid in about 1-2 years. I have anxiety. Can't drive. Can't be depenable because of it. Once time she mentioned that maybe I been with her to because it's convinient for me (drives me here and there etc).
It made me realize. Hmm, maybe I need to be alone.. alone so I can get MYSELF together without anyone's (girlfriend) help.
I want to get my anxiety better. Get my licence (to drive). School. Better job. Etc etc. things I could not do in the past because of my anxiety and always having 'someone there' with me.
So I we'd argue about her wanting a kid that I'm not ready I want these things first. Then my mind wonders. Do I really love her? If I did I'd want her by myside? Am I really in love with her? Etc all those questions.

Today she is coming to get the rest of her stuff from my apartment. So by the time you get this. She will probably be gone forever. Maybe it's for the best? I don't know. I know if I tell her I want to work things out she'd stay.

I don't know what my problem is, why am I so scared of love? Commitment?
I hate to hurt anyone I love. :-(

And yes she was a little clingy and little things here and there 'were' turn offs.

I read FEAR throughout your posts. You fear being alone, yet also fear being hurt by trying to make a long-term relationship work.

I also read DRAMA in your posts. You have a need to create drama to fill a need for excitement in your life.

However... You've already answered your own question...

Quote:

Originally Posted by September06

...maybe I need to be alone.. alone so I can get MYSELF together without anyones (girlfriend) help...

You are right on with this - You have to look at yourself first. You must love yourself, respect yourself, trust yourself, have confidence in yourself, and ultimately be able to forgive yourself for past mistakes.

Most people drop the blame on someone or something else beyond them because it is so much easier - they can always say "It wasn't my fault, so I have no need to figure out what I did wrong". Understanding your own faults and weaknesses and working to better yourself is the key. It's certainly not quick and easy - It's a life-long commitment with yourself to constantly work at the kind of person you want to be.

Part of commitment is knowing what you want and what you can give. Knowing yourself will go a long way to solving these important issues. So may be being alone can let you focus on you and end the emotional confusion.

Philly- Thank You.
Yes, I do fear of being alone. I've never been alone. (relationship wise) I've never really been 'single' for a long period. I took your words straight to the heart and thank you. I do need to love, respect and TRUST myself first before letting anyone else in.
I do fear getting hurt, and I NEED to let go of my past.

Thank You. This was very helpful.
I hope finding myself is not as hard as it sounds.
:-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by September06

Thank You. this was very helpful.
I hope finding myself is not as hard as it sounds.
:-)

It is not hard.

You can begin to help yourself by keeping a journal.

In this journal you want to explore and answer a simple question.

Who are you ?

Who am I?. who am "I".. very good question. I will definantly do this. :-)
Thank u so much.

I feel so much better today. :-)
My life is not as bad as I put it to be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by September06

Who am I? .... who am "I".. very good question. I will definantly do this. :-)
Thank u so much.

I feel so much better today. :-)
my life is not as bad as I put it to be.

I bet that for most of your life you have been confused. And as a result you are fearful and anxious. Sometimes we let confusion define our lives and the choices we make. So the next question you need to ask is...

What do you want ?

Yes somewhat.

Keep the questions coming.
I'm really keeping a journal.
I've been writing today,. it
Makes me feel more at ease.

******* summary of my life.. (very very short)***********
I've been dealing with an anxiety disorder for about 7 years. I'm only 25 yrs old.
So yes.. fear. I'm young. Single parent. I grew up pretty 'normal' .other than some stuff when I was younger. Then the anxiety. And later my relationships.
******

Quote:

Originally Posted by September06

******* summary of my life.. (very very short)***********
ive been dealing with an anxiety disorder for about 7 years. I'm only 25 yrs old.
so yes.. fear. I'm young. single parent. I grew up pretty 'normal' .other than some stuff when I was younger. then the anxiety. and later my relationships.
******

Wow... 7 years is a long time.

Wow is correct..

Quote:

Originally Posted by September06

I don't know what my problem is but I broke up with my gf of 1 year. I love her and I think i'm in love with her so I don't know where we went wrong. I know that we both want different things in life. (i.e. family, kids, etc)
she wanted to work things out but I didn't. .. why?
why?? I am so confused with myself and why I did that. maybe it wasn't meant to be? maybe I was never in love with her? why? why!
I feel so bad that I hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her. I hurt as well but not as much as she is feeling right now I bet.
love bites!

Try to search what makes you confused. Trust me if you love her, work it out now, take her back. My boyfriend and I ended our relationship because his parents were too concerend with their family social status and therefore, they forced their son into breaking up with me. I'm hurting... don't let your girlfriend go through the same thing! Save your love...