My partner and I have very different ideas on what is expected when you are in a relationship dealing with the 'family functions' of the opposite partner.

While I attend all of the family functions, i.e. birthday parties, work functions and holiday get togethers. My partner and I were on different pages when it came to my nephew's birthday party this last weekend.

I understand these get togethers are never fun and in fact, I would rather not go myself. This is my mother's side of the family who to say the most are about as irritating, not classy as they come, I understand his pain.

Is it not appropriate and to be expected that both parties attend all events, unless there is an actual conflict for attendance? Am I making a big deal to be hurt and upset that he refused to go? He's answer was that I am not required to go to his family's events, just invited and that he would not make me do something I didn't want to do.

My perspective is that it is rare for these family events to arise and there is an obligation for both parties to attend. Is there a compromise?

The compromise is that he shows up to a few and doesn't show up to a few.

There is not even an obligation to invite him, so why would there be an obligation to show up? If you keep pushing him to show up when he doesn't want to, it will just alienate him.

Instead, you should let him know that it would be great if she showed up, but it's OK if he didn't.

When it comes to my wife's family functions I usually go if it is her mom's side. If it is her fathers side she ask me to come up with an excuse on why we can't go (she doesn't get along with her fathers side of the family).

When it comes to my family events she goes to almost all of them sometimes she has to force me to go to my own family events. If she doesn't feel like going it is no big deal to me.

But it is annoying answering the same question where is your wife or for her where is your husband.