Ok.. I am sure some of you have had this scenario? I have been dating a man for about 9 months and I found out two days ago that he is on Facebook and on his profile his "status" indicates he is "single" rather than "In a Relationship" and under the section "looking for" he indicates "dating, relationship". I was shocked but rather than bring it up when I first saw it (I was quite hurt) I decided to wait until the next day. I brought it up kiddingly and he told me he considers himself single and I said that I don't consider myself single I consider myself in a relationship. I had to leave before we really finished the conversation and I know I need to revisit the subject because it really bothers me. What do you all think?

I think you aren't on the same page after 9 months of dating and I would be hurt as well.

What he is essentially saying in telling you that he still considers himself single is that although he apparently enjoys the relationship now and is hopefully faithful. You are not what he is looking for in a long-term relationship and he wishes to keep his options open.

You need to finish this conversation and be willing to walk away if you have different goals in mind. The alternative will be to stay this course and be dumped when the 'better' comes along, or five years down the road without any progress.

I'm not sure what he was thinking for the last 9 months, but it sounds more like a break up to me by going from "in a relationship" to "single".

It doesn't look like he wants something serious to you. You got to decide what you want as well.

Maybe he doesn't put as much stock in Facebook as you do. I truly find it hard to take any of that stuff seriously. I know NO ONE who actually uses Facebook as a means of dating anyway. I guess if it bothers you it would be wise to speak to him about it, but I have to think that way too much drama is brought on by stuff that is on FB.

I am assuming his status used to have "in a relationship" right? I can't imagine you two have been together for nine months and you just now noticed this. If he changed it to single, then I would start to wonder, but if it was never changed, I have a hard time thinking it is a big deal.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Maybe he doesn't put as much stock in Facebook as you do. I truly find it hard to take any of that stuff seriously. I know NO ONE who actually uses Facebook as a means of dating anyway. I guess if it bothers you it would be wise to speak to him about it, but I have to think that way too much drama is brought on by stuff that is on FB.

I am assuming his status used to have "in a relationship" right? I can't imagine you two have been together for nine months and you just now noticed this. If he changed it to single, then I would start to wonder, but if it was never changed, I have a hard time thinking it is a big deal.

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But her initial conversation about the subject, he stated he currently is single, he is not in a relationship, it isn't just the Facebook at this point, it's the Facebook and initial conversation.

Being told after 9 months that your boyfriend is still 'single'... there is a serious need for concern.

Missed that part... take back what I said. I agree with you Justy.

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From what I have read of your other posts it does seem the two of you are on very different paths and even though you have spent a lot of time as a couple, very little has been settled as far as really defining the relationship between you and having some clear cut goals and understanding of how to achieve those goals.

If I have read this correctly, you have broken up, and gotten back together, but he has been giving you signals he doesn't see this as you do. I think you fell into the trap of assuming over time he would grow more into it as you have, but obviously, he has not.

I know it hurts to learn how he really feels on a Facebook page, but heed the warning and start backing away from this attachment that you have built with him and he is not invested in.

Yes you need to talk and tell him how he has mislead you somewhat, but its not all his fault, as I think, given your other post that you had enough red flags and warnings to know things were not just right.

He had different perceptions of what was going on, but clearly he expected you to go along, when maybe you shouldn't have. He may have needed you to nurse him through a hard period of his own life, and now that he has gone through it, he no longer needs his nurse and is looking around with his freedom. The bad part is he wasn't honest with himself, and couldn't be honest with you.

He really should have let you know he was looking to date others so you could have made your own decision based on that fact, he didn't, and it smells of selfish deceit.

So sorry, as now you must not only clear the air, but end this and let it go. Give him what he wants, the freedom to date others, but under no circumstances let him keep any emotional support from you, kids or no!

He did you a disservice, as well as his and your children that were dragged through this. Not good nor healthy for any of you, so end this quickly, and remove him from your life.

Reality sucks, especially given your expectations, and his disregard for your feelings.

Talk to him again, this time with more available time and get to the bottom of it. Personally, and people may disagree with me. I'd be at the point of crap or get off the pot. 9 months, and if he considers himself single, then allow him to be, without you.

I am with Rome on this one. If he claims to be single then single he is! Move on and have a good single time girlfriend!

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