Am I falling out of love?
This is going to be a long story, but I hope it will help you answer my question.
I have been with this guy for 4 years now. He is sort of my first love. But I have known him for a longer time because before we started dating, he was my best friend. He still is my best friend. I know most of his family(extended family) and he mine. Everyone is waiting for us to announce when we are getting married. To be honest, it has been a long wait for the right time to get married. We are both in our mid twenties. We have made plans of our future and the only thing that stood in the way was because I wanted to finish college and secure a job before marrying him. He has been patient with me and now I have a job, but the thing is, I don't want to get married now.
It has been a long journey for us both and while in college, we started fighting a lot because my studies were demanding a lot of time and I had little time for him. We started falling further and further apart. It reached a point, that he was so mad at me, and we weren't in speaking terms. That's when I met this other guy. We started as friends. He was there with me during the time I was hurting because of my boyfriend. Before I realized, we had started dating. So am sort of dating 2 guys at the same time. More like cheating on them. This new guy is the one am physically attracted to at the moment. I stopped making out with the old boyfriend long before I started seeing this new guy. I think I just lost interest. Now I just make out with this new guy, yet I feel he lacks a lot of what I would want for a husband. Maybe I compare him to my old boyfriend. My old boyfriend is the kind of guy you would like to get old with.
Now I refuse to get married, we have tried breaking up but we get back together in less than a week with this old boyfriend. I didn't think this new one would fall for me like he has. He is serious, tried breaking the relationship but he is willing to look beyond our problems and he wants me, though he doent know my old boyfriend is still in the picture. I don't know what to do. Don't want to hurt any of them, because I love them both. Maybe not in the same way, but love them nevertheless. But time is running out. I know am not in high school where I can have as many men as I want. I need to settle down. But I wonder, if I marry the old boyfriend, yet already I feel am not physically attracted to him that much nowadays, how will our sex life be? Right now I loose interest in him and just pretend. When he wants to make out. But I don't enjoy it, as much as the new one. This lack of interest in the old boyfriend came about way, before this new one came around. So I know for a fact, my new boyfriend has little to do with my lack of interest in the old boyfriend.
Idont want to get married just because its time to do that, but am wondering where my life is headed. I know am wrong to date them both, but I also want out of all that. Yet I don't know what to do.
If you get my drift and if you have been patient enogh to read my story, kindly share your views with me.and maybe let me know how I can help myself