All right, so she was with him for six years,were even engaged. He is the only person she has ever been with or dated, and he turned out to be a real ahole, into drugs, did everything to drag her down. And eventually she got the strength to say no to that life and break everything off with him. She kept going back and doing stuff with him but was able to not be "with him." he started dating another girl and she started calling me for support because we where friends at the time. I supported her and she never listened. And kept calling me crying about him being with this new girl.
So we decided to hang out one night and now we have a thing too. Of course he finds out and gets all jealous and tries to tell her he will change. They have only been broken up for about 3 months now but she just can't control it, she wants to believe everything he says when he tells her anything she wants to hear.
Now my big question is what can/should I do? Is it better for me to let her go back and chance losing her if he does change? Also risking her getting hurt again? Or is there something I should do to help her fight through getting over him? I really don't know if it is a good thing to argue with her about it and push her to him. But I don't feel right just letting go either. I understand its her choice to make. But everybody has a choice to make and I don't know if I should just stand by, or do something.

If I were talking to her I'd tell her to stop seeing him and talking to him. She made the decision not to be with him so stick with it. It seems that they are both trying to move on. With that much history and love they simply cannot talk to each other without getting roped back in.
As for you, I'm not sure that you should be dating her right now. Maybe it would be good for her to have some time to herself.

Getting on with someone on the rebound is hard as hell. They need you, but they're not with you.

She is still emotionally connected to her exBF and can't give you what you want.

She is the only one who can get over him - if and when she decides to. It's not your responsibility to tell her what to do.

It's only been 3 months and she's still hooked into him, she has to disconnect before she has anything to offer you.

I'd back off and let her deal with it on her own for a while because you're getting hooked into the drama as well. Don't do anything, let her work it out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Megan2345

If I were talking to her I'd tell her to stop seeing him and talking to him. She made the decision not to be with him so stick with it. It seems that they are both trying to move on. With that much history and love they simply cannot talk to eachother without getting roped back in.
As for you, I'm not sure that you should be dating her right now. Maybe it would be good for her to have some time to herself.

---

So is it better to cut off contact with her overall or just say that when we hang out we can't act like anything but friends?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by aovfallen

so is it better to cut off contact with her overall or just say that when we hang out we can't act like anything but friends?

---

You're the rebound, your relationship with her started unhealthy. End it.

If you can truly be a friend to her when she's in need, I'd say be there for her. If you can't, it's best to explain and walk away from this situation.

Only be a friend with people who treat you as a friend, right now you're being treated as a rebound. Personally, I wouldn't accept it. I'd walk away

If you want to stay, understand that you can't force someone to leave another, if they want to go back it is on their own free will and you can't stop them. Just be there as a friend to hear her whine and complain about the situation she's putting herself into

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by aovfallen

so is it better to cut off contact with her overall or just say that when we hang out we can't act like anything but friends?

---

The short answer is - cut off contact.