I dated a guy (about two boyfriends ago) for almost a year. He was the kind of guy that was always wanting to discuss how much he loved and cared about me. Like, literally every day. He was constantly telling me how he felt about me. He called my office, left me voicemails ALL the time. I got out of the shower one day to find him knocking at my door because he called 15 minutes before (23 missed calls!), and I didn't answer.

He was a nice guy, but I came to realize he was only doing all of that out of his own insecurities. He said he liked to express how he felt about people, but I don't really like to constantly discuss that kind of stuff with my mate. Like every conversation always turned to his feelings about me. Any attempt to talk to him about how uncomfortable I was would make him severely depressed, and he would then say he was feeling unwanted.

So I broke up with him.

We stayed "friends" since then. And by friends, I mean he drives me crazy with his "I still love you" attitude. I moved away not long after the breakup, so we have had text message based interactions now with the occasional phone call. But they never last long because I simply cannot stand how syrupy he is with me. I don't really talk to him much, so every time we text/talk, it's always "how come you never talk to me anymore!" Or, "we used to be so close!"

I am in a relationship now, so I don't know why he continues to act like this with me. I have explained that I do not wish to hear his expressions of love and devotion to me, and that my current boyfriend would not appreciate him contacting me just to tell me how he still feels about me. I am by no means a beat around the bush kind of girl. So this really frustrates me that he chooses to continue to act this way when it is clearly not wanted.

Our last conversation ended with me telling him, quote:
"Clearly we're at an impasse, because you do not want to change for anyone and just be who you are. That's awesome, but that forces me to endure something I don't feel is appropriate, nor is it something I'm comfortable with. I think it's better if we just don't talk anymore."

Since then, he's been emailing me and leaving me texts with things like:
:(
:/
I can't sleep.

And it's like the icing on the cake. I seriously cannot stand it anymore. What haven't I made clear? How do I get it through his head? Should this be the point where I go on full ignore mode? I mean, he's not a rude, or mean guy. But seriously, isn't he overstepping his bounds?? Am I being inconsiderate?

Frustration!

You need to be completely blunt with this guy I think.

You have tried to nice aprroach, now it's time to be honest.

Tell him he is driving you crazy!
You don't mind the occasional text or e-mail but he needs to stop being so needy.

Does he have any other friends he can turn to.
You could suggest a counsellor as it sounds like he has a few issues involving having to be 'wanted and needed'

You other option is to stop talking to him altogether.

No contact.

It sounds mean but if he is really driving you as mad as you sy he is then you need to let him go.

Put his e-mail address to SPAM(don't have to worry about reading it)
Change your phone number
Enjoy life with your new boyfriend

He sounds sort of stalkerish/creepy. Take Romefall's advice and put his emails on spam alert and don't answer his texts. Can you delete him from your phone (I'm not a text person, don't know the whys and hows)?

Blunt is the only approach. Tell him some counselling for his co dependency would do him a world of good.
I can't stand guys that are all syrupy it is a real turn off and then they cry ''why can't a good guy like me get a girl friend? Why do all the guys with the 'bad guy' image get all the girls?''

It is a real turn off!

No Contact, I agree with Rome all the way.

Email to Spam.
Change phone number.
MOVE ON.

This is the only way for him to heal and you to have some peace.

Tell him not to, send him a certified letter if he keeps doing it, and you can get a restraining or order of protection if he does not stop

Tell him this, "I'm looking for a man, and right now you are a boy trapped in a man's body. I've expressed to you time and again that I don't like you swarming me, trapping me, and now you are not listening to me. Why would I subject myself to that, especially for a guy that does not listen to what I'm telling him. You have insecurity and co-dependency issues that you need to work out before you date anyone. I wish you the best as you search for answers to those problems and now I'm telling you for the last time, we are not going to talk anymore. Should you ignore my request, you will force me to get a restraining order and you can then deal with the police at that point."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

Blunt is the only approach. Tell him some counselling for his co dependency would do him a world of good.
I can't stand guys that are all syrupy it is a real turn off and then they cry ''why can't a good guy like me get a girl friend? Why do all the guys with the 'bad guy' image get all the girls?''

It is a real turn off!

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OMG this is totally him. Always complaining about how nice guys finish last. ARGH!

Thanks for the advice folks. I am often considered to be pretty mean when it comes to dealing with people friend/relationship-wise. Now in my mid-20s, I often find myself second guessing my actions, wondering if I'm being a total (bad name) that really isn't necessary all of the time.

I hate talking to my friends sometimes too, because they are the sort that just tell me what I want to hear (probably because they think I'm a *bad name* lol), so it's nice to get the neutral commentary sometimes, lol. I rarely ask them for help/advice, or that confirmation that I'm doing the right thing, and I like doing it this way.

Anyway, I've sent him a final note explaining that he's no longer invited to talk to me. He's already responded with a lot of crying about the same stuff. He's going to be ignored. We'll see what happens when he doesn't get a response. :rolleyes: