My boyfriend of 9 months (he is in law enforcement) received a promotion and started working a graveyard shift. It is terrible! I never get to see him because when he is sleeping I am working and vice versa. Everything had been going wonderful before he started this shift and for about two weeks afterwards. I think the lack of sleep is catching up to him and he literally sleeps all the time when he is off work. He is a single Dad of 4 children who I do a lot for (especially while he is sleeping). I went over to his home yesterday to bring dinner and spend a little time with him and he couldn't even wake up for a small conversation. He doesn't text me like he used to (which was a comfort-it made me feel wanted, needed, being thought of, etc.). I told him the other day I missed him and he reiterated that sentiment to me. I am trying really hard not to take it personally but it is all I can do not to cry when I leave his house. Should I approach him with how I am feeling or am I asking too much right now? I understand this is his job but I feel I am the only one trying right now. Please help!

No you are not asking too much. Yes you should talk to him about how you feel because right now you have a boyfriend but it seems like you don't because you never have time for each other. In order to make a relationship work, you need to spend at least some time together.

Yes, you should definitely confronting him about your feelings. Communication is the key. Hopefully he can work something out. Maybe he can transfer to another station so that he can get the daytime shift? I'm sure there is something that he can work out. Regardless, you need to talk it out with him.

Opposite shifts can really take a toll on a relationship.

You can tell him that you miss the sweet texts. He can still do that while he's working.

My boyfriend is a police officer and works weird shifts and also has three kids. So, I know where you're coming from.

That is what led to his divorce and many others in law enforcement. The job isn't just a job and the hours are crazy.

What helps is that I work in the same building and can see him for a few minutes almost every day. I make the most of the time we do have together and I am very busy, too, so I don't notice it as much. I work full time and am a single mom, but I do miss him. I do understand it is his job and with him, it's his life and it's not going to change.

Try to fill your time missing him with other things. Don't take the dinner over or do so much for him. Let him sleep. Do things you enjoy instead. Otherwise, you'll feel like you're being taken advantage of and that really isn't his intention. I'm sure he appreciates you. Third shift sucks, for him and you.

If he is worth it, if the times you do share together are worth it and if the relationship is worth it, you'll find a way to hang in there.

Moving to a night shift is hard, esp for a police officer, since often if they make an arrest, they have to stay over for morning court ( first appearance) if they write any traffic tickets, they have to show up at court in the middle of the day ( normally with no extra pay)

And it can take 2 or 3 months at least to get used to the new hours. Often it helps if he sets a certain time of day, uses tin foil on the windows, ( make it dark) and shuts off all the telephones.

What ever he used to sleep, 8 or 9 hours, he needs to set that, if it is 8 to 5 or 9 to 6 and set an alarm and wake up,

But a single father ( I am one) is normally tired all the time anyway, I get home from work, make supper, do laundry and so on,

I would say yes right now you are asking too much, give him a couple more months, but see if he can start living on a schedule.

I agree with Father Chuck. His career is important and this promotion is important to him. I don't think it's wise to put yourself ahead of his job... especially given you are not his wife, just a girlfriend of less then a year.

Life with a police officer is tough, they have one of the highest divorce rates in America and I am sure the world ( guessing at the world part)

First they are a police officer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even when off duty they are still a police officer.

He can be reported to his department for things he does off duty that will effect his job.
And if he has been promoted, that is added stress.

And if he moved from day shift, to nights, there is an entire new world, day shift is traffic, taking reports and being MR happy to citizens wanting to talk to a police officer.
Night shift is higher crime, more dangerous criminals, and even a lot more boring time finding it hard to stay awake.

So he has chosen a tough professional, lower pay than many jobs, higher danger and a lot more stress. A higher chance of a drinking problem, a drug problem and divorce and suicide.

But this is his career choice and I will be honest, if you make it a choice between him and the job, I will bet money you will lose.

A officers wife has to live with the job, the long hours, and the such.

Also in today's economy jobs are hard to get, many people work different shifts and only see each other in passing a lot.

I think that you may be asking a little too much, particularly since you have only known each other a short while and he's just started a new job and a new shift.

Policing is incredibly hard and stressful, and I imagine he's on a very steep learning curve.

I would suggest that firstly, you not take it personally - this is not about you. Clearly he also misses you at the moment but is struggling to adjust.

Secondly, by all means tell him you miss him and try to make life comfortable for him - but don't make yourself indispensable. Live your life for yourself, not for him.

Thirdly, understand that a profession like this changes the dynamics in a relationship. As other posters have said, the job may frequently take precedence at times. You may need to give some thought to whether you will be able to cope with this on a long term basis.

Fourthly, factor in some time just for the two of you, if you can. You may feel better if you know that you have the certainty of seeing each other at particular times - say, at the weekends.

My cousin is a police officer, he worked the night shift when he first got hired, after 4 months he got transferred to days. It's how it works, you can either chose to deal with it or not. It sucks but if you just got hired or promoted to a different position, would you expect the new job to give you the hours you want, days off you want? NO, you would work your way up the ladder and after enough time, things will change.

You can talk to him, but understand his job is very demanding, putting too much stress on him will affect his thinking on the job and as a cop that could be deadly.

I think you both will have to make some adjustments to your schedules, and routines, because as hard as it is its his job, he doesn't have a lot of choices.

What do you really expect from a guy who is at work all night? I also think maybe some communications will go a long way in making those adjustments, and help you both see things from the others perspective.