I am married with 2 sons, I had an affair but have ended it as I lrealised I truly love my husband and children. I am very happy. For the last few weeks my ex-lover has been threatening to tell all unless I meet with him.

I have ignored his texts, phone calls and emails and know this is the right thing to do but he threatens me that he will tell my husband. I am at my wits end, I cannot sleep, Ive been sick and I can't stop crying. My hubby knows Im not right. I am so scared that my husband will throw me out and take away my children.

I know what I did was wrong, I can't changed what has happened. I deserve this in some peoples eyes. What goers around comes around.

I am so happy with my hubby, I know what I did was wrong and have learned that lesson well. I don't want anything to come into my marriage and take away what now is so good.

I am so scared and don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone and just wish I had never had the affair. I don't want to loose my husband or my children.

If anyone has anyone advice, please.

Hey, you are not alone don't worry x x hugs x x
My personal thinking on this matter is - you should tell your husband. No matter what the consequences, the truth is better out in the open. (I have many issues I am dealing with myself and am just learning to unleash your demons)

When we cheat on our partners we have taken away their choice to stay in the relationship or not by not telling them.

He may choose to leave you.
He may choice to forgive you and stay.
Either way, it is better to give him the choice.

If your ex does get spiteful and tell your partner it may crush him. Its better to hear it from you babe.. Once you tell him, a huge weight will lift off your shoulder. Whatever the outcome after you tell him is how things are meant to be. Make sure you tell him how much you love him and how very sory you are. Don't expect a good reaction (or any reaction) straight away. Give him time to digest it.
Unfortunalty in .life we all make decisions to do something that has the potential to harm someone we love... sometimes we must pay the concequences... Good luck with it babe... and remember, this is just my opinion OK x x x

I agree with Meow420,, its better you tell your hubby before he hears it from a third person,,

Confessing to your husband seems to be the only option here, and in truth you should have told him anyway. It will sound a lot better coming from you than the man you had an affair with.
You husband may stay, or he may not.
If you make a mistake, you have to pay the consequences, that's life.

You made your bed...

Come clean to your husband and hope for the best.

I agree with the above posts. Tell him, and beg for forgiveness. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Can I ask how long ago this affair ended and how long it was going on?

Tell this other guy that he doesn't need to waste his time because you are telling your husband because the secret is killing you. That you will be telling him how it has made you stronger realizing how much you really do love your husband.
Tell him to go find somebody that is free and single.

It also might be interesting to note that forcing sex by extortion is a felony (Sexual Assault or Rape, depending on the state)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bluebook

I am married with 2 sons, I had an affair but have ended it as I lrealised I truley love my husband and children. I am very happy. For the last few weeks my ex-lover has been threatening to tell all unless I meet with him.

I have ignored his texts, phone calls and emails and know this is the right thing to do but he threatens me that he will tell my husband. I am at my wits end, I cannot sleep, Ive been sick and I can't stop crying. My hubby knows Im not right. I am so scared that my husband will throw me out and take away my children.

I know what I did was wrong, I can't changed what has happened. I deserve this in some peoples eyes. What goers around comes around.

I am so happy with my hubby, I know what I did was wrong and have learned that lesson well. I dont want anything to come into my marriage and take away what now is so good.

I am so scared and dont know what to do. I can't tell anyone and just wish I had never had the affair. I dont want to loose my husband or my children.

If anyone has anyone advice, please.

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WOW... you cheated then you realized you loved your husband.
Selfish... selfish... selfish
I bet you didn't even think about your kids did you?
No marriage can be so bad to do such an act, you might as well tell your husband and let him decide... at this point its his decision, not yours.

I guess I'd be the only one to say call his bluff at this point. IF you love your husband and he loves you and you are happily married than perhaps your husband need never know.

It was a huge mistake and I do not condone it, however, not every mistake can and has to lead to a broken marriage or leaving one totally destroyed.

Do what you think is right. Telling the truth is always the right answer, however, not everyone is strong enough to do that, strong enough to face the consequences, that is about the only thing you should not be ashamed of.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BMI

I guess I'd be the only one to say call his bluff at this point. IF you love your husband and he loves you and you are happily married than perhaps your husband need never know.

It was a huge mistake and I do not condone it, however, not every mistake can and has to lead to a broken marriage or leaving one totally destroyed.

Do what you think is right. Telling the truth is always the right answer, however, not everyone is strong enough to do that, strong enough to face the consequences, that is about the only thing you should not be ashamed of.

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Im with you on calling the bluff. What's the dude going to do... go to the husband and say "hey - I was sticking it to your wife and im telling you now cause she broke it off"

Dude is going to get punched in the face if he tells... that's just the rule. If you sleep with another guy's wife, expect to get punched in the face. At least.

OP should still come clean, cause the guilt is going to tear her up, but the ex can tell if he wants... cause he deserves (and will probably get) a beating.

I agree with everybody here, you must tell your husband. Best to get someone to take the kids so you two can have your privacy. Then get it over with. No excuses, because there isn't one great enough to justify an affair, as you know I'm sure.

I don't mean that in a mean way, but as leann said, hope for the best, but expect the worst.

Once the dust settles, my opinion here is that the two of you need to go to marriage counselling.

You must have had your reasons for the affair, things are out of balance here. Happily married people who trust each other and communicate don't have affairs without some sort of reason.

I'm not excusing it, I'm only saying that you need to find out why it happened in the first place.

I would bet that the foundation of your marriage is strong enough, that you two will weather this storm.

Please follow up with this... What did you decide to do? I too have ended my affair and the ex lover is threatening to destroy me if I don't meet with him. I have been ignoring his calls and texts. Actually the last one I received literally said, "I won't go nicely or quietly, just watch" and I don't know what to do! Please tell me what happened in your situation!