My wife of many years cheated on me once ( I hope only once ), and after we resolved the issue... I don't have the same level of trust for her I once did. She constantly accusing me of being unforgiving... or not trusting enough.

I have only said anything to her when she does, or says something circumspect... it's funny how now I am the one being made to feel guilty.

I don't know how much longer I can take this, but I am still in love with her... I just can't stand her anymore.

Any input here would be nice :(

It is very big of you to try to move past this with her. I suggest some kind of couples therapy.

No, you are not being unreasonable. It is going to take communication, work, and time for things to get back on track. It is very big of you to try to move past this with her. I suggest some kind of couples therapy.

Depends on how long it has been. Don't tell someone you've forgiven them if you really haven't. If it's fairly recent then you have the right to still be touchy about it, but if it's been a long time and you are still making her feel bad about it, then maybe it wasn't the right thing to continue the relationship.

Don't mention the past at all. If you doubt her, don't show it.

Wow, I'm sorry to say, but she sounds very unreasonable for calling you "unforgiving" if she's the one who cheated. What does she expect after cheating while being married.

The answer to your question is: NO, you are not being unreasonable. You shouldn't have to put up with this behavior.

Thanks for the input.

Some very varied answers.

I have to think a for a while, then I may be able to post more specific information.

The answer is no, your not being unreasonable. She is trying to pass off her guilt and make you feel bad about something that she did. Not you.

I suggest couple or individual counseling as well. It is important and maybe open ways of communicating better with each other.

Trust takes time to earn back, she needs to be thankful that you actually stood by you through this. Even though it was really hard to do.

Bringing up the past all the time is not good either, that is like rubbing coarse salt in the wound each time something happens.

Joe

Ok... so after some thought, I have come to the conclusion that a little more information may be appropriate to get more informed responses to my dilemma.

In 2007 I was recovering from a bad injury. I couldn't walk and was in allot of pain as well as being somewhat dependent on assistance to get around the house. One night after work my wife wanted to go out with a friend ( female ) from work. I thought " I won't hold you back from having fun, go out and have a nice evening."... she did she met, and spent the weekend in a hotel room with a guy she met at a bar. She didn't call me and the kids were worried sick, and I was forced to take of them and myself while very incapacitated. Sunday night she returns home, and tells me I am to be gone by the time she gets home from work the next day.

I made arrangements to have family pick me up Monday morning... I was devastated.. no explanation no nothing.. she locked her room, and left for work without a word. I left Monday.. didn't call for week... just went into a daze really...

Well, I called that next weekend, and found out that this man was living in my house, eating my food, and watching my children while my wife was at work... she told the kids that he was their new stepdad, and they better like it...

I became a wreck.. I took my own cast off my leg, and while eating a few to many ibuprofen I began a new. I never got the truth about anything from her for almost 3 months.. I agreed to pay for the divorce, and ask for nothing.. leaving her everything.. I would begin a new life and just forget the past ten years like they never happened ( all of the latter was at her request ). SHe gets everything, and I never even got to talk to the kids, say goodbye, or ask why.

Well, I got a temporary job, purchased a used car, and began anew with almost nothing to my name. One day she gets my cell phone number from my family and calls me to come over. I said no. She was relentless with calling me, and begging me to come over. Finally I break down, and agree to meet her.

She began with an apology, and a very brief explanation that she was just needing a few days to feel "alive again", and that she was just sick of assisting me with my broken leg. Pretty thin I know.. but I agreed to open a dialog with her ( for me the hope was I could at least see my children, but they were away with her parents for the summer). After some time I moved back in and hoped to just put it all behind us. The guy called, and in front of me she told him it was over, and that he shouldn't try to contact her again.

For the past two years everything was fine, but recently she is almost unresponsive to me about anything.. she even packed up all my stuff, and told me to get out when I got home from work.. but she relented a few minutes after I got home. I began to have a bad feeling.

Acting on instincts I searched out and found the guy she had a weeklong affair with, and through e-mails we began to converse about my spouse ( Odd I know ), he explained that he was married, and only in town for a week, and used her for sex. She told him she was divorced, and that I stayed in the house till my leg healed, but she hated me, and wished I was dead, and that if he came over, and beat me up, I would leave. He was uncomfortable with that, so she got rid of me on her own so she could make a new life with him. He had no intentions of that he just wanted a regular thing when he came into town on business. He told me she broke off their relationship ( I heard this on the phone call she had with him in front of me but had no idea what was being said on the other end ), because she was being too needy, and he really felt smothered.

I woke up today with no note ( it is her day off, and I work nights. ) she was simply gone. I thought maybe she was out at the store or something, and didn't think much of it. Finally I began to wonder where she was so I called her, and she ( by the tone of her voice ) lied to me, and said she was at a friends house.

I am at a loss here... I think I just need to leave her, but she insisted everything be in her name ( even my vehicle ) because I was filing personal bankruptcy to clean up my credit, and she thought it would be wise. Now, I am in the same situation again I was in two years ago, except I am not injured, just apparently very stupid...

Help me find an answer please. :confused:

WOW

I'd be out of there in a shot , what a selfish b*tch! Sorry to be harsh but as someone from the outside that's what she sounds like from your post above.

Your also entitled to things so don't let her dictate who gets what.

Good Luck , I honestly think your better off without her.

Is she bi-polar? Wow!

You are entitled to half of what you own together as a married couple. You are married, have built a life together, have children together, and as such you have equal rights.

Do not let her dictate your life. If she wants to call it quits then she knows where the door is, it's not your job to leave just because that's what she wants.

She needs a swift kick in the arse and a good wake up call! What a piece of work.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do not buckle. Leave ,but on your terms, not hers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

WOW

I'd be outta there in a shot , what a selfish b*tch !! Sorry to be harsh but as someone from the outside thats what she sounds like from your post above.

Your also entitled to things so don't let her dictate who gets what.

Good Luck , I honestly think your better off without her.

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I am seriously considering just up, and leaving.

The sad part is we are both in our mid thirties, and she is very childish at times ( I have noticed it mostly when I know she is outright lying to me.. like today ).

The thing is if I leave she will lie about the reason to everyone she/we know, and go out of her way to make it my fault somehow. I am essentially trapped in a cage. I can care less what people think, but she will lie, and I will not be able to say anything.

Once a while back she tripped while carrying laundry, and I found out later that she went to work, and told her coworkers I hit her... I DO NOT hit women.. and one of her own friends called me and told what was going on because she was here when the incedent with the laundry happened.. and when she confronted her on this in the restroom my wife winked, and said she likes the attention, and to just shut up about it.

I have a bad feeling about everything... I am becoming paranoid, and defensive... so at this point she can lie about anything.. and it will seem true because I am becoming defensive... I wouldn't put anything past her.

Maybe I should just go... but I have heard from her family she can be unstable ( They could have told me about this ten years ago, and saved me allot of hassle. The thing is I have no idea what she says or does when I am at work, or not around... and well, I smell some serious drama incomming.

I think you know what needs to be done and should just do it. She may Lie but most people aren't stupid and will see through them.

I am glad you came out with more details. Quite honestly it is hard to give answers that are just based on a little bit of info. Friend is completely right in all his posts.

You need to do what is best. You already know what you need to do.

Joe

Sounds like you should leave and you can't worry about the fact that her family claims she's "unstable", don't let guilt be the reason that you stick around.

You need a good lawyer. Fast!