Ask Me Help Desk - Need to fix myself

I just feel like I am worn out all the time. I'm so tired. My emotions are up and down and I am starting to affect my fiancée. Lately, I have been getting these little episodes where my heart beats really fast.

Lately, everything in my life has been moving so fast. My job keeps me on travel for months at a time... I'm getting married in 17 days and we are doing all the plans... my fiancée is in paramedic school and has so much stress... we have a 3 year old. We both have a pretty busy life and it seems like we barely have time for each other. She is the relaxed one who is confident that everything will be fine. I'm the uptight one... the neat freak... the one who has over the top expectations...

I try to be a good man. I know how hard she is working in school trying to learn some really intense things. So I take care of the house... and our son. She appreciates it too... But lately I have been messing up. I get all needy and have stupid expectations that are not even realistic and I end up opening my mouth. I know I am just pushing her away.

I feel so stupid and ashamed. I should know better... I'm 32 years old. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I'm messing it up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Could it be too, in addition to what has been offered so far, a lack of self-confidence?

When we need others to keep ourselves feeling safe and secure, we lack the skills we need to be confident to make decisions, set goals and expectations (of ourselves and others), and achieve success.

Sometimes relying on others to provide that emotional safety net will leave you unfulfilled because they cannot give you that which you do not have yourself, and that is confidence and inner strength.

Maybe it is that bond of security and trust you seek that makes everything alright. That is okay and necessary when you are learning how to fly under your own steam, but as an adult, you need an equal partner.

I'm not sure what you are looking for can come from anybody else but yourself.

I've been doing some reading and maybe this is part of my problem. Needing the security and emotional connection.

You sound as if you are emotionally exhausted.That's what stress does to people,it wears you out.

Sometimes we have to learn how to turn off the internal dialogue in our heads and just learn how to chill.The approach is different for everyone.

For some people that is a hobby or exercise,something that is just for relaxation alone.

Avoid caffeine,that can cause heart palpation's.Learn how to breath properly,during stress people tend to hold their breath and as a result do not get enough oxygen.That can lead to other physical problems ,which causes more stress.

Explain to your wife to be that you are having this difficulty and tell her to ignore your behavior as you are just taking it out on the person closest to you.. her.Sadly,that is what couples often do.

Being overwhelmed is natural.Know that you need to learn the tools of coping.It does not just happen,we need to work at it.
Here is a link I hope you find beneficial.
Discovery Health :: Eight Ways to Beat Stress

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

You sound as if you are emotionally exhausted.That's what stress does to people,it wears you out.

Sometimes we have to learn how to turn off the internal dialogue in our heads and just learn how to chill.The approach is different for everyone.

For some people that is a hobby or exercise,something that is just for relaxation alone.

Avoid caffeine,that can cause heart palpation's.Learn how to breath properly,during stress people tend to hold their breath and as a result do not get enough oxygen.That can lead to other physical problems ,which causes more stress.

Explain to your wife to be that you are having this difficulty and tell her to ignore your behavior as you are just taking it out on the person closest to you..her.Sadly,that is what couples often do.

Being overwhelmed is natural.Know that you need to learn the tools of coping.It does not just happen,we need to work at it.
Here is a link I hope you find beneficial.
Discovery Health :: Eight Ways to Beat Stress

Thank you for the advice. I think you have hit the nail on the head.