I have been with my girlfriend now for about 5 years. We recently moved in together and got our own house but this is rented. We have lived together for about 5 months now. We have had our ups and downs like every couple.

But recently she has been really cold towards me and then yesterday all hell broke loose and she admitted that for the past week she has been thinking about whether she wants to be with me or not. So I started to pack my things and I begged her not to make me go and she admitted that she still loves me so we talked things out and sorted things and things were OK last night I guess. Now I don’t know whether she wants me or not because I said that I would go and leave her to it but she said she doesn’t want that. With everything that’s gone on with the coldness she doesn’t let me touch her hold her or nothing for example she asked me to take her to work today and I put her hand on my leg and she pulled away so then a few minutes later I held her hand and then she pulled away again, then she was 30 minutes early for work so I said do you want to go grab a quick coffee before work and the reply was no just want to go to work. Where as before when things were OK she would have jumped at the chance. Also she doesn’t kiss me properly like she’s half arsed if you get me.

I just feel like things are over but she won’t admit it I want her so bad I would die for her. She says living together is different now because we are together all the time but there’s having you space and then there’s taking the piss. I feel so down and **** about myself I need to know what to do she says ime to nice and to like all over her

Please help me

I'm sure you are going to get a lot of replies from people telling you to back off and give her space. Which I know it is hard because you are afraid if you do that then she might end up still letting you go. Well, she might. But I am sure you have heard-Sometimes you have to let things that you love go to figure out if there is still really something left there to hold on to. And if she goes-then it wasn't meant to hold on to. If she stays, then there is something left to hold on to, at which point, you two need to work things out, maybe even counciling, if it is even an option. Make a schedule where there are times during the day/evening when you two are not always together, and then pick a day or two out of the week where it is specifically meant for you two to be together. Whether it is alone, or out together with friends. After you have been with someone for a while, and you move in together, you always need to give each other space, no matter what. Being with someone 24/7 is always disastrous. You may have been like that before-in the past-but you didn't live together. It changes things a little, kind of like-having children. It's a big step and it changes things. Good luck to you and stay strong. I truly feel your pain.

I think they need to sit down - for a long time and talk about EVERYTHING.

1. what does each want

2. Are they still compatible?

3. What is she really thinking

4. What annoys each other

5. What can we do to improve

6. Create date nights, fun, more romance

7. PLAN things - I bet $1 million this guy NEVER plans fun things.

Yes, maybe things are too "routine" for her. Five years is a long time (for some-for me it would be), every now and then a change is good, or something out of the ordinary anyway. A good talk is always good at some point, and then follow through with those plans as compromised.
This will continue to keep the both of you to have something to look forward to.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imeLOST

I have been with my girlfriend now for about 5 years. We recently moved in together and got our own house but this is rented. We have lived together for about 5 months now. We have had our ups and downs like every couple.

But recently she has been really cold towards me and then yesterday all hell broke loose and she admitted that for the past week she has been thinking about whether she wants to be with me or not. So I started to pack my things and I begged her not to make me go and she admitted that she still loves me so we talked things out and sorted things and things were ok last night I guess. Now I don't know whether she wants me or not because I said that I would go and leave her to it but she said she doesn't want that. With everything that's gone on with the coldness she doesn't let me touch her hold her or nothing for example she asked me to take her to work today and I put her hand on my leg and she pulled away so then a few minutes later I held her hand and then she pulled away again, then she was 30 mins early for work so I said do you want to go grab a quick coffee before work and the reply was no just wanna go to work. Where as before when things were ok she would have jumped at the chance. Also she doesn't kiss me properly like she's half arsed if you get me.

I just feel like things are over but she won't admit it I want her so bad I would die for her. She says living together is different now because we are together all the time but there's having you space and then there's taking the piss. I feel so down and **** about my self I need to know what to do she says ime to nice and to like all over her

Please help me

---

It is pretty simple.

The first thing you need to do...

DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

If you really love her, you will chill out and be patient with her and not internalise it on yourself or allow your EGO to get in the way.

The second thing you need to do...

LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAYS AND DOESN'T SAY

Remember the training that your mother gave you... As I get older I realise that most men have never used the "secret" teachings that our mother gave us without even using words. How many of us knew when our mom called us a certain way, or looked at us a certain way, or had a certain body language, that we were in seriously in trouble ?

We forget that kungfu when we start romantic relationships because we start thinking with our ****s and egos.

I see two sides to your story. I see your side and I see your girlfriends side.
Let me tell you why she is acting this way toward you. The both of you do see each other everyday now and your both begging to see each others ways for real now. I think your girlfriend is just depressed about things she not telling you, personal things that she is keeping inside herself and she is taking them out you. Maybe she had some past bad relationships and you're the only man who had treated her with respect then she doesn't know how to treat you good all she know is the past abuse from there relationships with men. Then other things starts to pile up with her maby insucretity about her weight or something. If you threaten to leave her and she claims she loves you and she still do not show you she loves you then the reason why she says this to you is to get you to stay because she can't stay there alone and pay all of those bills byself. If you take care of her and worships the ground she walks on then she knows this. I can't tell you to leave her or I can't tell you to stay with her but I can tell you this pray and ask god to change the both of you and the relationship will last if meant to be. Who knows you might be doing something to her that gets on her nerves or maybe you being to affectionate is what's annoying I don't know but pray

tamikiopruitt
I really don't think this relationship problem has anything to do with a past abusive relationship, insecurities about her weight :eek: paying bills by yourself!

What needs to be done is having a serious long chat!
COMMUNICATION... AN NOT ASSUMPTION!

As Wildcat said.. organising things together, talk, plan, and again communicate!

After 5 years there should be an open and honest dialog going on where you both know how each other feels. You both need to be talking to each other and clearing the air of those fears and insecurities.

I think that the balls in your court, you just having trouble seeing that because you're the one engaged in this situation... Listen to all of the different opinions given on this board, for the most part they are excellent.