I don't know what to do now. Me and my son's father went to a mediator today, it was horrible, he changed his story, he lied and tried to make it sound as if I had mental problems and now is trying to get sole custody of our son. I live in the state of Florida, in this state they have shared parenting, unless he can prove me to be unfit or have harmed our son, never did!! When we first went to court he told the judge he had no problem with me moving away as long as he got his share of his son, but now it's been 6 months and he filed a motion disallowing the move and now wants full custody. Apparently this was a long time coming and I didn't see it or wouldn't believe it. I moved out of his house because he was calling the police on me every other day the closer we got to mediation. I wouldn't let him take our son to his mother's on mother's day was one of the calls. This man was and is controlling, mentally and verbally abusive to me. Yes I am protective of my son, why? This man is addicted to porm and when I say addicted to that I mean, he was chatting sex talk from the time he left in the morning to he got off the came home to start all over again, emailing naked pictures of himself to women and camming while he played with himself and has child porn on his computer, which was reported to the police and have no clue as to what is going on with that investigation. I tried to get a injunction until I knew for sure what was going with it, to protect my son but they said "has he harmed your son" or "hurt him". I'm supposed to let him take him for the weekend and I;m so afraid now I don't know what to do... :confused::confused::confused::confused:

When he was calling the police on you, as you said, every day, what reasons did he give the police.

Were there police reports filed? CPS investigations? Were you, or him ever charged with anything?

Why did he change his mind after six months. What reason do you have, and is he trying to gain full custody based on accusing you of being mentally unfit?

What has your lawyer advised you to do, and how old is this child?

As to the child porn on his computer, I'm not sure about Florida, but I know that if your computer is confiscated for forensic analysis of possible child porn, you are in deep, deep trouble in Canada. It is a crime to possess child porn.

What happens now. Do you and your estranged husband have some sort of plan for shared custody until the issues are heard in court?

Our chlid is 17 months old. The police made a report but the last I heard was that no investigator was assigned to the case. Neither one of us were charged with anything, The calls were due to me not letting him take our son because he demanded it and threatened me from the start. He trying to say I cannot provide for our son, well that happens when your not allowed to use the only vehicle we have and if he threatens me with the police if I'm not where I say I am or don't come pick him up fast enough.

You need to go to a domestic violence shelter and see if they have legal help for you. Keep records of the times he called the police. Were they vindicated? Does the police records indicate cause of concern for you? Or do they nullify what your ex is trying to purport against you? You have to look at it this way... if he agreed to you moving and now he isn't how will the Judge look at that? His own temper and actions will cause him harm. As far as your son goes seek out visits where he will have to be monitored (again this can be done through legal help from a domestic violence office). Do you have police reports to prove his abuse to you? Be strong in who you are as a mom and write down all the positive things you do for your son. Big HUG!

I ended up getting the incident reports and on one of them it stated "that girlfriend will not accept the fact that the relationship is over", that's why he left, but he left because I told him I was going to call the police. I do go to counseling through a domestic violence shelter. The abuse was mentally and verbally, I left because I was afraid he'd lie and say I tried to push or hit him, and I never have tried or attempted to do something like that. I tried to get a lawyer but they could only give me legal advice.

In my situation not only did I get a lawyer but 2 lawyers and an advocate. You will never know what support or help you can get unless you ask. That was through a domestic violence office. I started with getting a restraining order and met people there that were able to connect me to the right people.

I did do that, I am getting the counseling that I do need but as far as legal help goes, nothing. I have no job, no money. I left to the next county to get away from him and the court is in the same county as him, they referred me to legal services but can only get legal advice that's it. I was told that the one with the lawyer is going to get what he wants and I'm sure he will by the time we end up going to court.

I totally empathize with you I know it depends on a lot of factors whether they extend legal help or not but if I were you I would Google free lawyer or pro bono for domestic violent situations. I was making a little over 500 per month with 3 children and in Hawaii when I went through my crisis! I don't know the criteria that they look at for extending legal help but keep plugging away - googling, talking, and before you know it you might just get a good lawyer. I sure hope you do - my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thank you joysjrny. This is an ugly situation anyway you look at. I've gotten so fearful of him but I think what makes it worse is how low and dirty he has gottten. It scares me to no end that he has lied so much. He went for my heart and has crushed it because I can't believe how he can say he ever loved me. Thank god for counseling.

You have done a fair amount of work to help yourself and your son, and covered a lot of bases. It is good you are continuing with counselling only to reassure yourself that your fears are not unfounded, and to also give a boost to your confidence.

One thing I'd like to suggest is to keep a diary. Get some sort of notebook, and record dates, times, outcomes, conversations. There are many contadictions in what your husband has said, and make note of those as well.

Then get a second notebook, just for your own private thoughts, independent of the 'facts' in the first notebook.

Write out your thoughts, fears, feelings, concerns. Let it rip particularly on issues to deal with anger and confusion toward him. These are your own private thoughts that do not have to hold up to anybody's scrutiny except your own. Purge in other words, get as much negativity out as you can, and call it the way you feel it.

The first notebook may come in handy when you do have to go to court, and you will have a record of dates and times. I can almost guarantee that he has not done the same. If you are armed with solid information, you can state the truth, as it actually happened, and present your detailed notes, which will make a good impression.

Take time for yourself. Despite all of this, and the uncertainty of what is going to happen, you have no control over what you may anticipate may be his legal moves. You do not know, simply put, if he is all hot air, or if anybody will take him seriously.

The more organized and prepared you are with the truth, the better off you will be. If he is emailing you, get a hard copy. If he is texting, get a transcript typed out, and keep the original on the phone. If his relatives call, record the dates and times and the nature of their calls. Keep track of any and all accusations he or his family make; not your reactions to them, again, just the facts.

There may not be much money for a lawyer, but even a court appointed lawyer armed with your work gives you a good shot at a level of fairness.

I suspect that your husband figures he has you behind the 8 ball. Let him think that, don't defend yourself to him, get angry, or argumentative, just record it all. Stay cool, keep organized, and remember the goal. It will be worth the effort.

I have done all the above actually, but here is where part of the problem lies with that, I have kept a record for over a year now, somehow it misteriously disappeared, amongst other things. I only have record of what has gone on the past 3 months, but also my daughter was there to verify some of the incidences which helps. Out of self control I have lost my temper with him, and yelled but it's only been and week and two days, so now it's me taking control instead of him bullying me. He wanted no contact when we went to court yesterday and today he is sending IM's asking to see the baby again, I did tell the mediator I will call him the day he is supposed to see him which it every Thuresday and every other weekend, I still don't like the idea and still don't know what to do about it.

It is worrysome that he has child porn on his computer. I realize that you have reported that, but have you called them lately to see just what is going on with the investigation? Maybe tell them that you are very worried about your son visiting him for obvious reasons.

Very strange that they have not jumped all over that one.

I called yesterday, the only thing they told me was that it isn't assigned to an investigator. What the hell does that mean? They are probably thinking it some crazed ex-girlfriend tryingt to get back at him, which regardless doesn't warrant their lack concern in the matter.

First this is a legal issue, not a parenting issue, so I have moved this to the Family Law forum.

You have gotten some very good advice here, but you really do need an attorney. For example: did you bring up that he originally OKed the move? An attorney would have done that.

I think your problem is you don't know how to deal with his lies and his attacks against you. That's where an attorney will help. They will help get the police to move on your reports of child porn. Your testimony, even as biased as it may appear should be enough for a warrant to seize his computer.

Thank you. I did bring this up in mediation as well, and he said, even though 6 months ago he did agree to the move and waited that long to respond to the order, well beyond the 30 days from when we went to court in December, that he nows want to be part of his son's life and the judge will probably rule in his favor. I know the state I live in is shared parenting and being my son is 17 months old he wants a every other week schedule and I don't understand how that gives a child any stabilithy, it don't make sense. I do not know how to find a pro bono lawyer in the county I live in and have tried. The ex had control of everything so when I left I left with nothing but some clothes and my son.

Can someone tell me how do I find a pro bono lawyer?? Legal services, as far as the one I was dealing with only gives legal advice but cannot be with me in court, and I cannot go without one in the case. Today he told me that he already is setting up a trial date and we just went to court on the 21st of May, when the mediator told me it will take months, I don't know how he did this but said it will be in the next 3 weeks.

There is help out there for you. You don't have to wait until you are beaten up or your child is harmed to get help. The way you describe your husband , with his child pornography, sexual activities on internet, and abuse way, is enough to be concerned for your safety and your child's well being. Don't let matters get out of hand and take action on time. You were well advised to keep a diary of all issues and facts. It will be of great help when you need to provide information and get help. Don't let despair get in your way of taking action in the correct way. Do keep in mind that you have to try keeping your head on your shoulders to be able to do the right thing at the right time. Knowing there IS help for you, and a way out, will help you keeping calm and thinking straight.
Keep knocking on doors and you will get a response. You are the only one that can make it possible to get help, to safeguard your son and yourself and to get out of that relationship. Following is helpful information. I hope you try getting help at these places. Even if you can't prove the violence, you have enough to say about your husbands lifestyle and attitude to get the right office or person provide you with help, and referr you to the right places.. . the worst thing you can do is wait or expect your husband to improve or for things to get better while staying with him. It doesn't matter if you loose everything you have, leave the home leave it all, and you will have taken your first step to having a real life for yourself and your son, and this way you will avoid worse scenarios. …soon enough if you try getting help, you will be on your way to starting a new life for yourself, even if that means having to leave your home and going to one of the shelters. They will help you there or refer you .Check out the info on CASA that is below.

Clearwater Bar Association
Lawyer´s Referral Service ( 727) 461-4880

Free Legal assistance:

Pinellas County
South County:
Gulfcoast Legal Seravices Inc.
641 First Steet South
St. Petersburg, Fl 33701
(727 821 -0726

Community Law Program Inc.
St Peterburg, Fl
(727) 323-7712

North County:
Gulfcoast Legal Services, Inc
314 S. Missouri Ae, Suite 109
Clearwater, Fl 33756
(727) 443-0657

Clear water Bar Foundation
Clearwater, Fl
(727) 461-4869

More Useful Info

We Help
Emergency food and limited financial assistance 823-3471

Victim Assistance- Pinellas County Sheriffs office
852-6259

Resource Center for Women
586-1110

Pinellas Opportunit Council – Emergency Financial Assistance
Clearwater 442-5649
Pinellas Park 546-0590
St. Peterburg 822-4492 (south)
Tarpon Springs 937-9393

Help Line
Crisis Intervention and Referral 344-5555

Food Bank
821-6657

Department of Children and Family Services
Clearwater 469-5700
Pinellas Park 823-1488 St. Peterburg 893-5200
New Port Richey 834-3900

Child Health Clinic
Clearwater 469-5800
St. Peterburg 824-6938
Pinellas Park 547-7780
Tarpon Springs 942-5457

Child Support Enforcement
1-800-6225437

Other Resources:
Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence
1521-A Killearn Ctr. Blvd.
Tallahassee, Fl 32308
(Hot Line) 1-800-500-1119 or (850) 671-3998

National Domestic Vilence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 or 1800 799-SAFE


Local Shelters:

Women and Children´s Residence
Advocates For Shelter Action Policy
P.O. Box 3910
St. Petersburg, Fl 33731
(727) 823-5665

Everybody´s tabernacle Shelter
Homeless Emergency Project
1120 North Betty Lane
Clearwater, Fl, 33755
(727) 442-9041

Salvation Army Emergecny Shelter
1400 4th Street South
St Petersburg. Fl 33701
(727) 821-9123

YWCA of Tampa Bay
Virginia Lazzara Emergency Shelter
429 6th Avenue South
St. Peterburg. Fl 33701
(727) 823-2859



CASA ( Center Against Spouse Abuse)
P.O Box 414
St. Peterburg. Fl 33731
(727) 898-3671 (Crisis Line ) or
(727) 823-4413 (Outreach office)

CASA provides emergency shelter to victims of domestic violence and their children as well as one-on-one counseling, support groups, programs for children,food, clothing and substance abuse education.

The Haven of Religious Community Services
P.O Box 1059
Clearwater, Fl 33757
Crisis Line ( 727) 442-4128
(Main Office) (727) 44128

The Haven of Religious Community Services provides emergency shelter to victims of domestic violence and their chidren as well as individual counseling, support groups, programs for children, food and clothing.

Wow, thank you. I have removed myself from the situation along with my son, mainly for my son's sake and my sanity. The right thing right now is to stay focused on my son. It's just the lack of resoures and not having knowledge of anything that makes it worse.

Update: As far as the supposed investigation of the child porn goes, nothing was done about it, again somehow he made it seem like I was the crazed ex girlfriend, so it was blown off... I told him I was going away for a 6 days and gave him two weeks notice, it happened to be the weekend of fathers day, two days later he had correspondence with the court asking a judge to grant him our son that weekend, it was granted to him. I haven't denied him seeing his son, overnights yes! Now I have no choice! So much for trying to protect my child and thinking it's in his best interest when there is no help out there...