Okay, I met this guy a couple of months ago, he was in one of my classes and at first it was all flirting, then he asked me out just before the holidays.
After the holidays even he agreed it was the best holidays he has ever had cause he was with me (aww =])
but then he randomly just tells me that he doesn't want a 'relationship' with me.
:confused:
I asked him why and he just said he wanted to be single, so I thought I would just give him time so I said we could still just hang out as friends and he said that he wanted to, cause he really really likes me.
Now its been a month, I've given him time and still whenever I see him we still flirt and he holds my hand and he still sometimes kisses me, but I really don't get why he doesn't want a relationship because he likes me, and I am totally head over heels in love with this guy.
But his answer is always, I just want to be single.

ugh its so confusing. What should I do?
and no, I'm not going to 'get over him'. I can't help how in love with him I am but how am I suppose to make him 'love' me, not just 'like' me.

Stop with the holding hands and kissing for a start!
He is just leading you on... he wants to kiss you and flirt with you but he also wants the freedom of if another girl comes along he can do the same thing with her.

Next time he tries to kiss you or hold hands, tell him to stop. You are not in a relationship so he doesn't get any of the benefits.

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Originally Posted by _rachel_

But his answer is always, I just want to be single.

ugh its so confusing. What should I do?
and no, i'm not going to 'get over him'. I can't help how in love with him I am but how am I suppose to make him 'love' me, not just 'like' me.

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What's so confusing? He's told you what he wants in no uncertain terms. You are setting yourself up to be hurt. He has made it clear that he's interested in playing the field. More than likely he is dating several other girls at the same time. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you or enjoy your company- but it does mean that he doesn't feel the same way about you and wants no more than a casual relationship with you.

More so, you can't make someone love you. They either feel that way or they don't. Would you really want someone to be with you because they felt pressured anyway?

Honestly what you're describing isn't love- it's infatuation. You've only known him for a couple months; love takes time to grow. And if this was love, you'd be talking to him about your feelings instead of guessing at his.

Bottom line is this guy wants to hang out with no strings attached; if you can't handle that you need to remove yourself from the situation. You either date as friends or move on. He doesn't want more with you. Period.

You can't MAKE someone love you. They have to decide that on their own. You are making yourself available to him without a commitment. Who wants the cow if they get the milk for free? Make him THINK that you have moved on, you've given up. If he chases you then he likes you and things might progress. If he doesn't chase you MOVE ON.

Stop holding hands, kissing, etc. This only adds to the confusion. It is weird that he doesn't want to be with you but wants to do things that couple do. However, this isn't surprising.

Then you kiss and do all these things with him because of your feelings for him and this only is giving you false hope.

Stop waiting around for someone to decide if and when they want to be with you. This guy bluntly told you want he doesn't want--a relationship with you. So pay attention to his words instead of trying to change them.

If your going be friends with him, which I think is a bad idea, then be just friends. I don't make out nor hold hands with my male friends. You need to set bondaries and stopped crossing the line with this guy because it won't change a thing.

There are other men in the sea and one man doesn't stop no show. Move on past him and find another instead of waiting on the sidelines.

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ugh its so confusing. What should I do?

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Stop acting like a couple and fooling yourself. Friends don't hold hands, or kiss. (not any I have ever had at least)

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and no, I'm not going to 'get over him'.

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Then you will be frustrated and hurt.

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I can't help how in love with him I am

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But you can respect yourself enough to find out what t do about your feelings and set boundaries of respect and good behavior and not cross them. Or let him cross them.

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but how am I suppose to make him 'love' me, not just 'like' me.

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You don't its up to him. You can't control his feelings, only your own. You haven't changed his mind so far and you never will.

Sorry, your solution to your problem is what you don't want to consider, leave him alone, and move on.

Now you can disregard what every one is saying, and keep on the same track you are now, acting like a couple, and being frustrated, or you can cope with your feelings in a more positive way, and deal with reality. He ain't that into you, as you are him.

To add on what the others have said.

You might think this guy is confusing you, but he's actually really simple. He makes his intentions pretty obvious. He just wants to have some fun, kissing, holding hands, basically some of the things that couples might do... but without all the commitment. That way, he doesn't have to have any drama and can just enjoy himself. Furthermore, he's not tied down to 1 person, so he can do the same stuff with any girl he wants.

Giving him time won't change anything. When he gets bored of you, he will just move on to the next girl.

Instead of letting him mess around with you, why don't you stop talking to him and move on with your life. There's got to be better things for you to do than to let some guy to lead you on.

hey thanks everyone heaps for the answers.
I told him that people were saying that he was treating me badly and I don't know what to believe anymore.
he said he was thinking about it too. And that he did realise how wrong it seemed and how hurt I must feel.
He took my hand and I pulled away even though everything was telling me not to. He kept calling me and texting me and I was replying and I said "you want this dont you? just friends right?"
I really think it made him realise how much he did want to be with me and we are now in a relationship and I've never been happier.
and to the people that were saying he is probably doing this with other girls, he wansnt. I completely trust him and I know he wouldn't and he said he would never do that without making sure nothing was going on between us cause he never meant to hurt me.

anyway, thanks for the advice, much appreciated =]

Darling, I know EXACTLY what you are going through (or apparently went through since you are now in a relationship with him.) Men are funny creatures.. a guy was chasing me for a month, and initially I wasn't that into him but went on a date with him.. which turned into five months later, but him telling me he wanted to be "romantic friends" instead of gf/bf.
I've never been in this type of "relationship, if that's what you would call it, so it was all very confusing and difficult for me. I wanted to be his girlfriend, but he was so afraid of commitment that some days he would be really sweet and intro me to his friends and family, and the next day he would either vanish or be cold to me. I was constantly worried and wondering why he wasn't calling me, where he was, etc.. it was heartbreaking.

But, I also broke it off with him 3 times, and he came back every time. He likes me, and I like him, but we are not meant to be together as a couple. It's more like we hang out once or twice a week, maybe do dinner or bar, and then go home for a little.. well you know.
I decided to protect myself and shut off my attachment to him and just enjoy this friends with benefits situation.. the funny thing is now, after 5 months of crying over him, he's now more affectionate toward me.

Anyway, long story, but the point is, be careful in this kind of situation! It is very painful and not fun. I've lost a bunch of weight and had to go on anti-depressants because it was making me so miserable. But I couldn't let him go. Good luck!

Okay so its been a pretty rocky relationship with this guy but I honestly love him with all my heart and its never been any less no matter what.

Lets start from the beginning.
He goes to the same tafe as me and is in my class (tafe for non au people is like an alternate school that you only do one subject). Anyway, bla bla we start talking he gets my number he tells me how he feels over msn.
Then he tells me he sort of has a girlfriend. I said I would never do anything like that while he was with someone and he said they did break up last week but he would talk to her again to make sure she knows they were completely over so she doesn't think he is cheating.
Anyway, he told her and she got the hint and me and him started going out. He is still really good friends with his ex and he hasn't said he is with me, even after 3 months of us going out. Now I trust him completely and I know I am the only one he is going out with, but he got a bit strange and said he didn't want more than dating for the time being. When I asked why he said he just wanted to be single. I asked if he didn't feel the same way and he said he did, he said he loved me and he cares about me so much and I am the only one he wants to be with but he just wanted to be single..

So we ended up getting pretty close.. closer than me or him has ever been and for the next 3 weeks everything is so good between us and he tells me he loves me so much.
Then just the last few days he was acting different and does the whole, holding hand thing and all, but I would say 'i love you' and he would just smile and not reply. Then last night I said as a joke on msn 'you hate me'. He said he definatley doesn't and I said he's made me happier than anyone ever has and I love him so much it hurts. I said I know he doesn't feel the same and he said he was sorry. My heart just stopped beating for a few seconds and he said he had to go. I said please don't go can you just talk to me for a bit.
He just signed out of msn and I cried myself to sleep.
He didn't go to class today and when I got home he was on msn. I said can you please talk and he said he had to go and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he already has and signed out again.
Im so lost and confused.
What do I do to get him to talk. If he was the one that cut it off why doesn't he want to talk.

Please don't reply with answers like "theres plenty more fish in the sea"
I KNOW THAT BUT I Don't WANT THEM
How could his love just cut off so quick and sudden?
Im not giving up. I can't and I won't. Im crying whilst writing this and the tears hurt but my heart doesn't feel any less love for him.

I need to know - guys and girls.
What can I do to try and bring back how he used to feel. I know its in there somewhere, I'm not trying to make him love me I'm just trying to show what we have/had is worth keeping.

:(

Sorry you are going through this, but I honestly can't sit here and tell you what you want to hear, because when someone doesn't want you there is nothing you can do to make them come back, and why would you want to be with someone who you have to force to talk to you? You already admitted to this being a rocky relationship.

He is not hurting you, you are allowing yourself to hurt because you insist on contacting him, when he doesn't want to face you. Perhaps it does hurt him to hurt you. But he can't be the man you want him to be and you can't force him to be the man you want him to be.
Perhaps it is better that you give him his space, and try not to contact him or smother him and ruin any chances of him ever talking to you again.

In the meantime, take things one day at a time, and try to surround yourself around good friends and do things that will help you cope. Get all those tears out, feel better, realize all the reasons you want someone who feels the same way. You deserve that.

We love a lot of things in life, but there comes a point where we have to let go, and try to move forward.

You got involved with a guy who was not ready for a relationship. What you got was a rebound. He wasn't happy with his previous relationship and was still dealing with that.

He even said himself that he had a GF and that he was going to break it off with her and they are friends, etc. That means he hasn't fully moved on, I mean, its only been a week or two since his breakup that you two got together! That is no time at all.

On top of that you have shown how eager you are to be with him which is a turn off for anyone. You come off as needing him, wanting him, and begging him. You threw out the L word so fast and I don't think you both even really LOVE each other. How could you in such a timeframe. You were looking for recpirocation for your love and by saying I love you, you were expecting I love you in return.

If you want to win this guy back then you need to act like a friend and let him figure out his emotions. He needs to resolve the relationship with his X-girlfriend on his terms. Not on a set schedule. Some people are able to move on quicker than others, but the last thing you want to do is be the rebound. And I know you don't want to hear it but THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. Get out, enjoy life, meet new people, and become less needy for his acceptance. If he likes you, he will come around. If he needs to get back with his X-GF there is nothing you can do to stop it. Focus on yourself and make yourself the best you can be and a guy who wants you will pursue you, not the other way around.

Good luck! :)

You made this guy your everything while he didn't. You feel deeply in love with this guy after only knowing him for 3 months which was your second mistake.

You knew this guy wasn't into you as much because the signs were there but you decided to ignore them due to your feelings.

Then he tells you that his ex doesn't know about you which doesn't makes sense if the two of them aren't together. What's with the secrets? His whole story regarding his ex makes no sense.

Now to your question "how to get him back?" You can't! You need to let go, accept it is over, and move on. You can't get someone back that doesn't want to be with. You can beg, plead, and even waste your money on those useless ebook flowing around on "how to get him back?" Why would you even want to be with someone that is so conflicted?

You need to move on and get out of this funk your in. Leave this guy alone because he isn't the last man on this planet. Get your fishing pole out and go fishing. Go hang up with your friends and get out of this denial your in because your only going bring your ownself misery. Who wants to do that?

You can have a life without him!

Seems that despite you posting the same question again, you keep getting the same answers. You would do well to heed what you have been told or else keep making yourself miserable over someone that's not as in love as you are, and may never be.

He is telling you nicely to leave him alone. Walk away.