Originally Posted by SuperGirlsCrazi;1746704
No offense but that wasnt as cold as i thought it would be and i thank you- its nice to see someone who can be honest and still be tactful.
I s'pose not eh... Meh. We'll say it was a trick to get you to expect one thing and find another. Eh;)
The majority of the guys i've dated have pretended to be sweet and charming and have great morals, they treated me great when we were friends...but as we started dating they turned into jerks, because that goes against my nature- i'm loyal to a fault and play the "super-girl" card; but its who i am.is it? So after i tried the "nice guys" i started going for the jerks and bad boys...i was the one who couldn't open up on most occasions....and for one reason or another it was always easier to simply stay friends. I did make my choices, and its my misjudgment in guys that led me to deicide that: just not dating and not caring and simply having fun would be easier.
Indeed, "people" can be quite deceptive so they can get what they want. A freind once told me, "Don't blame some one for some one else's mistakes." We would be wise to not assume that most people are the same, in that way.
i'm not sure why maybe because i was tired of feeling predictable and safe and boring (i was none of those things but apparently my friends thought i was, by that point they were use to hearing that i was doen with realtionships.) I do need to work on myself and part o my problem is that on some level i'm not sure i want to connect with anyone on a intimite level; i'm scared of getting hurt so if i keep EVERYONE at an arms length...then no one can hurt me. One some level the though has crossed my mind that even if i dont want to get hurt it would be better to at least try...i'm just not sure how.
Indeed. “If I am not pleased with myself, but should wish to be other than I am, why should I think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?” ~John Lancaster Spalding. Keep every one at arms length and no one can hurt you... [I
But you[/I].
brutally honest and very cold...most of the people in my town go around and tell these pretty little lies to spare everyone's feelings (or at least i though anywyas...i didn't have everyone pegged down as well as i though...)
You don't seem so cold, you seem actually very calm cool and colected, but still walking into a confusing situation. Most people every where go around telling little lies to cover up insecurities, or pointing out some one else's to mask their own, or simply just not caring at all. These people are not just in your life, but in every one's life. We usually don't have others pegged as well as we wish, and this usually ends up tering us apart. You seem to understand all this though.
because its just who i am i have my softer side i choose not to show it...in not showing thats where my sad and angry side gets covered up it keeps them away...if they never approach you then they can't hurt you...
how do you know when you find one? any guy can pretend to care...
I'm surprised you didn't get angery, nor even agressive, you were assertive (accertive). You hide your softer side, and in the end it's what undoes you, as you want a man commited to you. This I think requires you to show that softer side, but thats not to say you have to open up all the way. Yes there are risks, for every one. You are allowed to have feelings, to be blunt, I don't see keeping your feelings bottled up or hidden all the time is a strength, but more a weakness. It's a reaction to fear, and then with out even noticing you are hurting people who care about you, or blocking those who like you out. Does it keep them away? Then why are you here? Like I said, "missatribution" They can't hurt you unless you let them. Focus on you, and let them be where they are, but not out of fear, but rather out of love for finding yourself and discovering what you want, who you are, and realizing your potential.
Yes, any one can pretend to care. But there are those few who will be more than that. You can tell by asking them to wait, as you want to give your relationship time before rushing into blissful extacy and being pulled under the influence of the "LOVE DRUG". Oh yes I mean that Love is very much the same as any other drug, infact Freud wrote to his wife about how Cocaine made him feel. He compared the Cocaine high to that of the Feeling of Love he felt when around her. The same euphoria, elated inflated sense of self/esteem and so on.
"People that grow together, stay together."-Nestorian This means you have to connect on a personal level, and get to know one another before rushing into things with sex and all, then things get cloudy and distroted with "too much pleasure".
If someone honestly knew me and looked in my eyes when everything was calm it wouldn't be hard to see that i've been hurt.
You may not think that people can't tell, but that are ways to see into one's pain with out looking into the eyes. The way you talk, the guarded responses, the cold display of one's disregaurd for what others may think. Your actions betray you, or at least I'm pretty sure some one could pick up on that, unless they are not very perceptive... Which isn't that unlikely. I've seen through many people, for what ever reason, I'm not some special case but I did write some one a story about who they were. I didn't know more then their name, what they looked like, how they acted in class, and that was it. My point is, all some one needs to do is pay attention, and they'll see it no matter how well you hide it.
our reasons are diffrent but i understand what you're saying...i live in a town of about 2000 people; if that....and its not because of the town its because of who i am...alot of teenagers in my town drives nice shiny pretty cars, they live in big two story houses and havent had to work a day in thier lives...maybe its because i NEVER want to be like that but none of that intrests me.
Yes small towns are hard to live in. I moved from the city I live in now, to a small town a bit bigger than yours, like 5000, but every one seemed to know every one else's buisness. I moved part way through my grad 11 year of high school. When i got there, i was very lonely, and didnt' talk to any one really, i spent my time sleeping some where durning lunch and after school, i just sat at home playing PS2, or walking the dusty dirt roads(usually all srping,summer and fall.) But the kids at school had all kinds of ideas about who I was. I was a killer, sexually assulted some one, drug dealer and so on. Small towns, and the bord people in them. I understand how it feel hopeless to find some one where you are, but you dont have to stay where you are. Rather than think that you are "changing who you are", why not expand who you are?
You may have known better, but you needed to be sure. “Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly.” ~Edward Albee forgiving/loving myself is easier said than done. Is it? If you tell yourself, "i made a mistake yes, BUT instead of regretting it learning from it, i had other choices just none that i wanted to take or even thought of at the time." then eventually you will start to believe it, and the process of rewiring your brain, on a neurological level, will soon become a Hardwired neurological process. Hardwired is when your "set in your ways, to sort of speak.", but the age old saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." is a cop out/quitter's excuse. As the all wise Master Yoda says, and yes I know he is not real and we don't have jedi powers... yet:p:o, yeah, sorry thats just me being me.:rolleyes:. "Do or do not, there is no try." That means you either do it, no matter how many times it takes, until you do it right/finish it, or you give up and fail. I'd rather reason Then do just that sister, you are a very bright girl, and from such a what I'd guess is a very closeminded town. DOn't let it fool you into thinking that it's their way or the high way, after all its' your life, and you can have a nice day. (bon jovi, sorry.:o) that i made a mistake yes, BUT instead of regretting it learning from it, i had other choices just none that i wanted to take or even thought of at the time.
"Wisdom is ever where, we need only listen."-Nestorian Take responsibility one must, only then will you know self respect. "I have nothing to say to this except for i like this quote.
Fair enough...COLOR]
Yes he is one guy but he's not the first and i'm sure he wont be the last i just want to know WHY guys do that...You maybe right, but that is up to you to decide whether you try to be with these "kinds" of guys, or not. As for why they do it, well lets see, some are insecure and dont want to get attatched so they do what you do, push others away, others are additcted to drugs such as; Alcohol, cocaine, meth, even pot. These drugs make us literally stupid, and I see no difference between one who uses them, or sniffs glue, huffs cleaners, drinks cooking wine/listerine it's all the same self stupidifying act. When they do these things it screws up there mental, hormonal, chemial, and many other important cognitive (Higher thinking processes and awareness.) functions. Some guys are just cruel because the way they were brought up, others simple don't care, or maybe they are mentally ill, or suffer from some kind of personality disorder. The factors are too many to define, you would be better off trying to reason out why you feel how you fee, and how you can best take care of yourself. "overgneralizing" its just came with experience (and has actually been said to me) that any other girl is better than me Expereince means nothing if we don't take the time to rationalize what it all means. Every one rushes through life expereinceing everything they can, they end up missing the reality and the beauty of it all. Yes i know that sounds dumb, but i asure you, life has more to offer than what most think. Every moment is a new one, and it's up to us to decide what the out come is. We may not always like it, but it is still ours to make....i just can't figure out exactly why...and then everyone wonders why i have walls built up.Please try to let your walls down, as all you will end up doing is closing your self in to a very dark and lonely place. I should know, i've lived it since I can rememeber.
i've always prided myself on reading people, and yet with him i contiuously get it wrong; hes the first that i've ever been so dead wrong on...so the reason i asked on here is because no one around here does know him...I think you are looking for the wrong answers with him, and so you can't ask the right questions. I think you are looking for something that seems reaosnable to you, but thats just it, he is not you and unless you can let go of your morals and adapt his, then you'll not understand his rationality. Please understand you can not rationalize some one else's thinking as it is their own, unless you let go of general misconception, ill concived ideals/sterio Types, and so forth. You have to stop wondering why he did it, and accept that it's done, now you must let it go before it consumes you.
i'm struggling to love myself and forgive myself, and i'm trying to find out who i am; because somewhere along the way, i got lost and confused and forgot.
You are aware of it, and now you just need to find out what it is.
Although i would love to have no contact with him, its not so easy, we have the same friends and go the same places and to throw a fit to everyone else would just make them feel caught in the middle. No one around here (i'm not even sure he does) know that he hurt me...i play it off like i'm fine....the easiest thing for me to do when i see him with other girls (when he's dating them flirtings not bad i flirt...) is to put my headphones in for a few minutes drink an energy drink calm down...find a friend that doesnt talk to him alot and isn't fooled by how nice he acts and just chill out with them; until i'm sure i can handle being around him and whoever hes hooking up with or dating or whatever and just looking at him or even noticing him as little as possible....i'm sure it sends off weird vibes but i'm always doing strange things and no one knows the diffrence
