I have been reading people's stories and hope to get some advice. I have a boyfriend and he is younger than me. He will be turning 20 this year. We met in February. Through that month we saw each other at events, but didn't really get a chance to talk to each other.

Previous to going out on a date, at first we sent emails back and forth. Then, we started talking on the phone for many hours. Some days we would talk really late into the night. During the third week of march we decided to meet up and hang out just the two of us. That night we didn't do any more than talk, sit, and hug each other. He talked about the future and said that if I needed to leave town for school, that I should. I asked him if he would follow if that happened, and he said that if we were serious at that time he would follow me.

The next night we met at a mutual friend's party. After, the two of us left the party to spend some more time together and met up at a different location and talked. After talking for a while, he asked to give me a kiss, so we did and started making out. He asked if he could touch the area between my shoulders (if you know what I mean) and I wasn't sure. He ended up doing so.

Then a couple of days later we went to watch a movie and started making out in the theater (my initiative) and then after the movie too (just happened). It started getting really late so I went home. We met again a couple days later and started to watch a basketball game, but got hungry so went out to eat at a restaurant. Two days after that we met up at school among our friends. Then we went by ourselves to talk some more. At that point he asked me what I felt about sx. I told him that I didn't want to do it. Events transpired and he asked me if I wanted to see it. I didn't say anything at first, but then I said OK. I saw it, then he wanted me to feel it. I did feel it. We didn't do more, and I went home. A couple days later he told me that he loved me. Then, we went out a week later on a date. I had heard that there was a party for a mutual acquaintance. I waited for him to tell me about it, but he didn't say anything. Near the end of the date I asked him if he was going to go. He told me he was. I said that I wanted to go too. He told me that I shouldn't. We got into a discussion about it. I ended up staying home. He called me later to tell me that he was leaving soon. I heard later from mutual friends that he stayed late. The next time I saw him, I asked him about the party. I don't know. I feel like he's becoming distant. I asked him if he's OK and if things are OK, but he says that everything's fine and nothing's wrong. I'm worried.

Seems to me like he was trying to get into your pants... in a matter of days he loved you? Am I reading into that correctly? He asked you if you wanted to see "it" ? Sounds a bit strange to me, but I would steer clear of him if I were you. I think he has another agenda at hand. The way I am reading your post it seems like he told you he "loved" you to seemingly get more sexual events to transpire. Perhaps I am wrong, just my opinion.

If all else fails, go with your gut instinct. That is usually the right voice in your head to listen to.

Is this your first boyfriend? How old are you?

I too think he wants sex. Hey he may like you, but he wants sex. Most young guys do. Not letting you go to a party with him though, has me a bit suspicious too, but you haven't said what his side of it was. Maybe he thinks if your jealous he can get sex, I don't know, only he does. Talk to him.

Wow that is very odd, never in my dating years did I say "wanna see it" or "wanna touch it" very VERY immature if you ask me, and since you posted on here, you are. He just wants to get in your pants, when you told him "no" he took that as, maybe I'll back off a little and do my own thing to get someone who will while I wait for this girl to come around. You are better than that, you deserve better.

And for further reference, if anyone ever says "you wanna see it" or "you wanna touch it" decline, as, even a man, would find that degrading and disrespectful.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Seems to me like he was trying to get into your pants...in a matter of days he loved you? Am I reading into that correctly? He asked you if you wanted to see "it" ? Sounds a bit strange to me, but I would steer clear of him if I were you. I think he has another agenda at hand. The way I am reading your post it seems like he told you he "loved" you to seemingly get more sexual events to transpire. Perhaps I am wrong, just my opinion.

If all else fails, go with your gut instinct. That is usually the right voice in your head to listen to.

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I agree with your statements. My gut tells me that there is something not right. I straight up told him that I feel like he is using me. He told me, "you know better than that."
I am divided. One half feels empty. The other... I suppose has hope because I enjoyed all the wonderful conversations, the warm hugs and kisses, the way that he told me he loves me, etc.

well, I guess we really started seeing each other one on one in person for about half a month before he said he loved me. The time before that we saw each other sporadically and didn't say anything meaningful to each other or talk much. However, we did send emails every day chatting about random topics. Then we also did talk on the phone too...

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Is this your first boyfriend? How old are you?

I too think he wants sex. Hey he may like you, but he wants sex. Most young guys do. Not letting you go to a party with him though, has me a bit suspicious too, but you haven't said what his side of it was. Maybe he thinks if your jealous he can get sex, I don't know, only he does. Talk to him.

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Yes, he is my first boyfriend. He didn't really give me a reason not to go to the acquaintance's party. He did say that he felt like I was just going there because of him. I told him that I wanted to go any way. He also said that it would be bad if I went. I asked him, "why?" he told be "it would just be bad." I said that we could go separately and I would go later than him, but he still told me not to go.

Look, this relationship is still very young and you don't really know each other at all.

I'm not sure why you would be talking about the 'future' the first time you met, but in effect you've only, by my counting, seen each other 4 times.

Of course it was all great while you were emailing and making out. But things changed once you said you didn't want sex didn't they? Hey, of course he's not going to admit that's what he wants - but he's young, he's a guy, if he can get it he will.

The irony is, that guys actually have more respect for girls that don't 'put out'. Trust your instincts - you felt uncomfortable about being touched on the breasts and about touching his penis - well don't do it. Sometimes it's really hard to say no, because you feel pressured, you want to be liked and you want to please them, but you're the one that ends up feeling awful and conflicted.

Be realistic and honest with yourself - this isn't love, he just used the word as an excuse to - as has been said before - get into your pants.

Let's face it there was probably someone else at the party he was making out with and that's why he didn't want you to go.

I would distance myself from this guy - he's not honest with you or sensitive to your needs.

I would have to agree with the idea that he's pretty much after sex.

o.k. I have also figured how what has got me divided. He is known to be a good guy around campus. If I figured him to be a "bad boy" type, I wouldn't be so confused. I'd agree with your statement about him making out at the party if only I really believed it, but some of my friends were there and they didn't say anything about him making out with anyone there... if someone had the reputation of being a good boy, do you really think he would be doing bad things?

I don't know, it was just an assumption on my part! It may have been he didn't want you there for some other reason. Who knows?

Many people give out 'good guy' vibes when in fact they are not that at all. Hell, our homes, workplaces and schools are full of people who are not what they seem on the surface.

The important thing is, you feel that something is 'wrong' - trust your intuition on this. The best lesson you can learn in your life is to trust and act on your gut feelings.

For sure pay attention, as sometime we are so in love, we dismiss, or overlook, the obvious red flags we are seeing.

I have no clue what he is about, but the reason you can't go to a party is lame. That's something you don't pass up, as your not his child to control, for sure. A reasonable explanation is in order. Then you judge for yourself with the facts and not speculations.

You should always trust your intuition. From our intuition, we learn to look deeper. Just because he does not have a bad boy reputation does not mean he does not do bad things. Maybe he did not want you to go so he could concentrate on working towards another "interaction" with someone else. You being there would make that hard.

I do not think you should be changing your behaviours for someone else. At the least he is just plain weird with the "do you want to touch it" and so forth. I think if he is truly interested in you and this goes farther, I would be warry of him separating you from friends and family (he has by controlling if you go to the party or not) and being a control freak.

And finally do you want the first memories of your significant other to be "do you want to see it?" If it freaks you out now, it will always freak you out.

Its always a mistake to put someone on a pedestal, and put their needs above your own, just to keep them. That's not love, by either of you.

Honestly, he doesn't sound that great to me. When you said you weren't sure, he touched your breasts anyway. When you said you weren't interested in sex yet, his reaction is to ask you if you want to see his penis? This guy is looking to get laid, period. My guess is that he didn't want you at the party because he was going to try to score with somebody there. He doesn't love you, he's just trying to have sex with you. I'd avoid him like the plague if I were you.

Good luck...

He apologized for asking me to touch it the next time we met up. Yet, he did ask me to touch it again at a later date.

Thank you everyone for your support and words of advice! I'm thankful that there are people out there who are willing to listen to my story.

Get rid of him. I fear trouble is lurking around him.

Wow does that pick up line actually work? "Touch it" and when you confront him, he apologizes then asks you to at a later date.

No offense, but if you continue to see him, you are walking into the lion's den holding a nice T-bone steak and hoping that nothing happens.