Ask Me Help Desk - What sex REALLY means to men.

Hi all,

It's quite the stereotype that when it comes to sex, women seem to always be the emotional ones, the ones who usually link sex to deeper levels of a relationship and whatnot. And when it comes to men, they are the ones who supposedly can have copious amounts of non-monogamous sex and feel absolutely no emotions whatsoever. Why is it always said that men are more able to JUST have sex without all the strings attached?

I know this is not true for all men, but my question is what does sex REALLY mean to you? Is it a meaningful act of emotions, or just something to do when you're horny?

For a man to orgasm, an incredibly complex interaction and coordination must occur in his parts. Guys are unaware of this for the most part. For a woman, orgasm is a simple thing...

To generalize:

When men get the urge to hump, some are as simplistic as dogs. This is not a bad, horrible thing. They are innocent in their urge. Men are fun in their straight-forward approach to sex. Are you picturing dogs now? They are funny, sweet and innocent, looking straight ahead at the goal, ignoring the periphery.

Women on the other hand are far more complex in their approach to sex. When we get our urge, we must consider, and maybe deal with everything in our periphery. Woman usually lack the single-minded focus to simultaneously have sex, ignore the neighbors fighting again, the pot boiling over and the baby fussing.

Women also tend to have much more sensitive skin. The three main points of interest, breasts and crotch should be touched last... The body, and environmental periphery must be addressed first, before she gets into it.

Is it easier for most men to just go "humpy" wherever and whenever? Probably. But that does not fill their need to be part of a relationship. Attuning themselves to a female's peripheral concerns is what makes it a relationship for both. Some men never really get it. That's a sad thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

For a man to orgasm, an incredibly complex interaction and coordination must occur in his parts. Guys are unaware of this for the most part. For a woman, orgasm is a simple thing...

To generalize:

When men get the urge to hump, some are as simplistic as dogs. This is not a bad, horrible thing. They are innocent in their urge. Men are fun in their straight-forward approach to sex. Are you picturing dogs now? They are funny, sweet and innocent, looking straight ahead at the goal, ignoring the periphery.

Women on the other hand are far more complex in their approach to sex. When we get our urge, we must consider, and maybe deal with everything in our periphery. Woman usually lack the single-minded focus to simultaneously have sex, ignore the neighbors fighting again, the pot boiling over and the baby fussing.

Women also tend to have much more sensitive skin. The three main points of interest, breasts and crotch should be touched last...The body, and environmental periphery must be addressed first, before she gets into it.

Is it easier for most men to just go "humpy" wherever and whenever? Probably. But that does not fill their need to be part of a relationship. Attuning themselves to a female's peripheral concerns is what makes it a relationship for both. Some men never really get it. That's a sad thing.

Pretty much true... however in a relationship... it can very well be far more than just getting off, maybe not exactly the same as for a woman... I'm a guy so will never see that from a woman's viewpoint.. but with the right woman it can be about far more than just the goal of getting off. Like was mentioned... its not that way so much for some guys... and for young guys. It takes emotional maturity to get past the instinctive drive to procreate... and that rarely happens until the late 20's with guys, sometimes longer, and with a few... never.

Smoothy is right.

I read that excitement is the main element for men. If that's true, how does the urge to procreate and the need for an exciting scenario fit into a marriage? This is a mental thing isn't it? Women rarely understand the mental game men play with themselves, completely. Men can explain it, but it is like describing color to a person who was born blind.

As a guy, my viewpoint is biased.

The stereotype is true in that guys can erect and climax without much emotional investment.

It's false in that guys can be satisfied with a climax. Some don't look past the climax, but by and large they live their lives unsatisfied.

Smoothy's right -- we need a partner, not just a receptacle. Is all you gals need something longer than it is wide?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catsmine

Is all you gals need something longer than it is wide?

Believe me when I say this, size really doesn't matter THAT much. An incredibly large penis for vanity reasons looks great, but truth be told - a smaller penis can create pleasure for a woman just as good, if not better. Some of the most incredible sex I've ever experienced was with a man who was but of average length and size. (about 5") my ex boyfriend was quite larger and still, the sex was just as mind blowing.

... and back to my original question. So even though most men can look at sex and experience it as JUST that - there are in some cases some emotions involved..

What scenarios make the situation different for men?

Mkay.

Ill warn you in advance that my answer probably won't answer much. It's a gift. Type a lot. Resolve nothing.

I'm not going to speak for other men. Only for myself.

Sex for me is not something you can cram into one category or column or brand with a single label.

It can be both extremely emotional and extremely primal. Or just one without the other.

For ex, I can be aroused by a woman I have absolutely no emotional connection with. My heart rate will rise. My focus will center on her. It is, near as I can tell, a reflex. A primal urge. Something I don't chose, but have to deal with, after the fact.

If my lover comes into the room wearing nothing but a tight tshirt and skimpy shorts, I am immediately aroused. It isn't a choice. I want my hands on her. I want skin on skin. It isn't something I think about and ponder and decide. It just is.

Likewise, if I see a girl at the beach, wearing less, wet from the surf, I'm going to have some element of that same reflex response.

Now... that doesn't mean there isn't an emotional side for me concerning sex. Sensual touch (which doesn't mean sex) is one of my prime needs.

Again, that does not mean sex. It means a connection emotionally through physical touch. I buy into gary chapmans belief that couples show commitment through five "love languages"... physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time.

I know that I need words of affirmation and physical touch most. I know I act through physical touch and acts of service by instinct. Short answer is that sensual touch is important to me... both emotionally and physically. But I do think there is an ability to disengage the emotional side from sex, when needed... might not be best or what is desired... but it can be done.

I'm not a needy guy. Don't need the girls attention all the time. Don't need reassurance and validation. But... I do need a lover next to me.

I need a kiss everyday that seems to be more than "hello" or "goodbye"... I like my hands on my lovers back, easing her into sleep... I like my lover on top of me, kissing my neck, even when sex isn't going to happen.

For me... there can be a disconnect... sex doesn't have to be about the perfect emotional connection. A great orgasm is great. Period. Whether its mine or hers.

But I'm at my best when there is a balance...

Its possible to have great sex with someone I'm not deeply connected to... and its possible to have great sex with deep emotional ties attached.

Quote:

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

Smoothy is right.

I read that excitement is the main element for men. If that's true, how does the urge to procreate and the need for an exciting scenario fit into a marriage? This is a mental thing isn't it? Women rarely understand the mental game men play with themselves, completely. Men can explain it, but it is like describing color to a person who was born blind.

Well in a marriage... it takes a little creativity and open mindedness of the woman as well to keep things exciting into and past the 2nd decade of marriage.

Women who are stick in the muds... "you are only sticking that thing ONE place buster" and think flopping on her back and spreading her legs is all there is to the wifely duty... will find themselves going without for weeks or months while he might look elsewhere for it only a few years after the nuptuals.

Yeah the "fresh meat" excitement wears off, but the "she shares in the fun" excitement kicks in to replace it. That's even without the spousal emotional ties.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mallorym

Hi all,

It's quite the stereotype that when it comes to sex, women seem to always be the emotional ones, the ones who usually link sex to deeper levels of a relationship and whatnot. And when it comes to men, they are the ones who supposedly can have copious amounts of non-monogamous sex and feel absolutely no emotions whatsoever. Why is it always said that men are more able to JUST have sex without all the strings attached?

I know this is not true for all men, but my question is what does sex REALLY mean to you? Is it a meaningful act of emotions, or just something to do when you're horny?

I think it is true that that it seems like that women link sex to deeper levels of a relationship and what not.

One reason for this is that humans are still a part of the animal kingdom, and the Male was given millions of sperm to pro-create with and the Female was only given somewhere around 500 eggs to pro-create with, therefore I think that the female is more particular about how she exposes her eggs to fetirlazition than the male is about his sperm because he has so many sperm. I know this sounds dumb but it could be part of it.