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-   -   How does my sonnet sound? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=354987)

  • May 17, 2009, 06:16 PM
    shortandsmall
    How does my sonnet sound?
    We are writing sonnets in english class and I was woundering if my sounded right.

    I Spend My Nights In

    A colorful new world, rich and warm
    Of the purple's sunrays. Ponds of chocolate
    So thick' n' creamy shape shift themselves to form
    Into bars. I am the queen the worlds my puppet
    My imagination the stage. Where laughter
    Rings I sit on my thrown and talk with my friends
    We sing we dance to our happy ever after.
    As the stars disappear our gathering ends
    But that’s not for a while now so we go hand in hand
    To the bubble gum tree to collect our favorite flavors
    We loudly march into town, for this is our land
    And we do as we please so we act as dinosaurs
    And enjoy life by playing and laughing
    For we are happy and that is everything.





    What do you think of it? What are some benifual corrections I can do?
    In case you haven't guess its suppose to be a child's dream of candly land

    Thanks so much:)
  • May 27, 2009, 05:45 PM
    Lightning55
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by shortandsmall View Post
    Rings i sit on my thrown and talk with my friends

    Do you possible mean throne?

    Maybe you could find better words for the last two lines. They really didn't flow as much as the rest of the sonnet.

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