All right a bit of a different one and yes a bit long but a good read...

A few weekends ago I went to a bar with some friends and ended up meeting this girl there. Hung out with her a bit while there, met her sister and a few friends, got her number and even setup the date while there. I call her a couple days later, got VM and left a message. She didn't call me back but I decided to wait a few days and call again. Well this time she answered, apologized for not calling and we reconfirmed the date.

Fast forward to the date. I pick her up and we grab some great sushi, have great conversation the whole time and I can tell that she is into me (shared sushi, leaning in, giggling, laughing, sarcastic remarks... textbook). We finish dinner and go listen to some live music 100 yards away and had a drink together. We didn't dance (I just tore my ACL) but would have and they only played a couple more songs. Conversation was GREAT and we actually made plans to watch a few movies in the future together (I know, I know future plans on the first date isn't the best idea, but it happened). Following this we drove downtown to meet some of my friends at a bar to watch a hockey game (she enjoyed this!). We had a few more drinks while there and we were both REALLY into the game! My buddy offers shots which my date and I decline but she gives in as it was coincidentally her favorite (she told me earlier in the date but I never told my friend). Keep going, we have a couple more drinks, our team wins and we're exstatic! So now we go to another bar and have a few more drinks. I really wasn't thinking much about it and was just slowly taking my time on the drinks I had. This was all over 5+ hours (long first date I know, but it was really easy to hang out and have a good time... ).

All right so we decide to head out. While walking back she mentions to me that she "didn't mean to get this drunk" and joked with me that "the shot did her in." We get back to my car (I had maybe a drink an hour so was totally fine, slight buzz if anything) we chat for a few minutes and begin kissing. Good things. We get back to her place and she invites me in. Her roommate is there with her b/f. Him and I talk, get along great and we all hang out for another hour or so. It is getting late and I decide I should head home (I have dogs). She walks me to the door, tells me she had a great time and wanted to hang out again and we had another kiss session. She asks me if I'm OK to drive and tells me that I was more than welcome to stay there if I wasn't (if that wasn't an invitation I don't know what is, booze talking... ). I politely decline because I am NOT the kind of guy who will take advantage of that situation and did feel a little bad about everything.

So where does this leave me. First, as I said, I feel HORRIBLE and responsible for her getting drunk. We were doing great but got caught up in the game and lost track. She is tiny (5'5", 100lbs) but didn't act at ALL drunk besides both of us being a little more "handsey" and closer as the night went on. She walked fine, talked fine and was incredibly composed. Heck, I probably naturally act more drunk than she was then!

The next day I shot her a brief text in the afternoon (was in meetings but didn't get a response) and called her later and left a VM saying that I enjoyed the date, was sorry for the whole drinking thing and left the door open for her to call me back (we had something setup for a couple days after this date). Well she hasn't called me back yet which is a bit intriguing. The only blemish were the drinks but that wasn't even that bad. The date was pretty incredible and we both had a ton in common, laughed, have the same sense of humor, etc. (this I found out prior to drinks mind you... ). My buddy even mentioned that she was really into me, it was pretty obvious. She also made it obvious by telling me she had a good time, liked talking, thought I had my stuff together and mentioned that she really liked my car. A few of my friends think that she might be embarrassed, but how can I tell her it isn't a big deal and convey that message?

So what does everybody think? Should I call her again thinking she might be doing the same thing she did with the original call, let it slide and forget about it (I do have a couple other dates lined up already) or give it a few days then get back in touch? I'm not at all losing sleep over this or anything, just a little curious and wouldn't mind some other POV's (especially female... ).

Maybe she has a boyfriend, Husband, Fiancé, Ex or Her Child's Father breathing down her neck and that's why she can't call, or answer your calls, etc. I'm sure she really likes you.

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Originally Posted by ajeenahm

Maybe she has a boyfriend, Husband, Fiance, Ex or Her Child's Father breathing down her neck and that's why she can't call, or answer your calls, etc. I'm sure she really likes you.

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I don't think this is not what the OP wanted to hear, or if this is really the most realistic reason for her not calling him.

Yeah she may be busy, but I don't think its right putting thoughts that the girl is being unfaithful or already involved into the OP's head.

I agree with some of your friends, that she may be embarrassed about having too much to drink on your first date, but it does seem like a very nice date and you both enjoyed yourselves. She just must feel bad for giving you what she feels is a bad impression of herself.

I would recommend you contact her, something light and simple, just to reassure her that you had a good time with her, that you like her and you like to see her again, if she is up for it. Make her feel like she didn't make a bad impression

Good luck :)

You already left her a text and a vm. I am pretty sure she got both. Maybe one more call and if she doesn't answer leave vm but that is it.

You did all the reaching out and now it is time for her to reach.

I think this girl may be all the chase. She wants you to chase her. The question is how much chasing your going do. I think the cat and mouse thing is nothing but games because if you hit it off with someone why play games?

Okay she got drunk but at least she didn't act a fool like most drunks. So her drinking is a minor issue because the date went great.

Btw, please don't drink and drive. Even you didn't get drunk you still had a buzz and that is still not okay.

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Originally Posted by ajeenahm

Maybe she has a boyfriend, Husband, Fiance, Ex or Her Child's Father breathing down her neck and that's why she can't call, or answer your calls, etc. I'm sure she really likes you.

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Anything is possible but I highly doubt that is it. I appreciate you taking the time to post for another thought.

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

I don't think this is not what the OP wanted to hear, or if this is really the most realistic reason for her not calling him.

Yeah she may be busy, but I don't think its right putting thoughts that the girl is being unfaithful or already involved into the OP's head.

I agree with some of your friends, that she may be embarrassed about having too much to drink on your first date, but it does seem like a very nice date and you both enjoyed yourselves. She just must feel bad for giving you what she feels is a bad impression of herself.

I would recommend you contact her, something light and simple, just to reassure her that you had a good time with her, that you like her and you like to see her again, if she is up for it. Make her feel like she didn't make a bad impression

Good luck :)

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Thanks for the post and advice. If things had been a little odd or miss then I wouldn't really reach out again, but since things went well it is a little odd. Ah, got to love the dating scene right...

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Originally Posted by liz28

You already left her a text and a vm. I am pretty sure she got both. Maybe one more call and if she doesn't answer leave vm but that is it.

You did all the reaching out and now it is time for her to reach.

I think this girl may be all the chase. She wants you to chase her. The question is how much chasing your going do. I think the cat and mouse thing is nothing but games because if you hit it off with someone why play games?

Okay she got drunk but at least she didn't act a fool like most drunks. So her drinking is a minor issue because the date went great.

Btw, please don't drink and drive. Even you didn't get drunk you still had a buzz and that is still not okay.

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After the first calling bit I'm thinking the "chase" might be what is happening. Funny thing is her and I both talked about "hating games" the first night we met! I told her straight up when I met her that I'd call her the next day to reconfirm things and wasn't going to "wait the stereotypical" 3 days because I thought it was stupid. I'm going to reach out once more and we'll see what happens. Hopefully something food will come from it, I'd hate to have had such a good night and at least not follow up! Thanks again!

Also about the driving I totally understand and appreciate your comment. I in no way condone driving under the influence and only made the decision to do so because I know how much I had and what my situation was. During the time I was at her place I had 3 cups of water and chilled out so was stone sober once I left. I respect your concern and do agree with what you said.

I am with you on hating the 3 days rule. If you like someone you should tell them before someone else does. If you don't your be stuck with the "shoulda coulda but didn't" syndrome. There is no harm in taking chances.

But I must ask what did you mean when you wrote "I'm going to reach out once more and we'll see what happens. Hopefully something FOOD will come from it?" lol Hope you meant "good" instead of "food". Hehe! I am only playing with you because I know intended on writing good. Silly typos! I do it all the time.

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Originally Posted by liz28

I am with you on hating the 3 days rule. If you like someone you should tell them before someone else does. If you don't your be stuck with the "shoulda coulda but didn't" syndrome. There is no harm in taking chances.

But I must ask what did you mean when you wrote "I'm going to reach out once more and we'll see what happens. Hopefully something FOOD will come from it?" lol Hope you meant "good" instead of "food". hehe! I am only playing with you because I know intented on writing good. Silly typos! I do it all the time.

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Agreed.

Yes I did mean good, not food sorry about that! That one just slipped past.

Maybe your next call could be like "hey i was just invited someplace on such and such a day but we talked about haning out are we still?" You know... something to let her know you remember making plans for a second date but she left you hanging.

I think you have the right approach to call once more and see if she takes the bait. As for her drinking too much, you should not feel bad about that - perhaps she should, but you shouldn't. If she's old enough to go to bars and drink, she's old enough to know that she was having too much and could have slowed down or declined at some point.

If you do see her, I would pay a bit of attention to whether she does this again.

Most women I know would not feel comfortable having too much to drink on most any date, but particularly a first date because it is not generally the safest thing to do when you don't know the guy very well. So be mindful that maybe she drinks a lot all the time, which can be an issue.

And you shouldn't have been driving - you said you were buzzed, which is the same thing as "a little drunk". Doesn't matter if you were perfectly able to drive that car or not - if you had been pulled over you could have really suffered very serious consequences, so if not for the safety of everyone else, don't drink and drive for your own future.

Well I did call and put the ball in her court. Let her know that I was free a certain night this week and asked her if she wanted to grab a bite and hang out for a bit. I haven't heard back so I'm thinking this might be a dud. Oh, well plenty more out there. Just a little disappointing to have such a great, fun night and have it lead to nothing. If something was amiss I could understand but it all seemed to go pretty well...

One other perspective that one of my friends who is a girl proposed was that I may have offended her or "hurt her ego" by declining to stay the night. As I said above I didn't feel comfortable with that and since when does a girl get offended by a guy who doesn't make huge advances (I made those I was comfortable with and we kissed a good bit but not much more)? I WAS incredibly attracted to her (gorgeous girl, 5'5" 100lbs athletic, blonde hair, green/hazel eyes) and I KNOW she was attracted to me (handsey, holding onto me, pulling me back to her, etc.) and easily would have jumped at the opportunity but held off. I was thinking it would be something to look forward to for a future date seeing as how well the first one went! I guess personally I like a little more of a challenge...

***I'm not saying there is ANYTHING wrong with sleeping together on the first date (I have thought that maybe I should have) but there is a time and place I guess.***

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Originally Posted by 88sunflower

Maybe your next call could be like "hey i was just invited someplace on such and such a day but we talked about haning out are we still?" You know..........something to let her know you remember making plans for a second date but she left you hanging.

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Good advice and that is the approach I took. I haven't heard anything back and doubt I will after this much time but it was worth a shot! At least the sushi was really good!

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

I think you have the right approach to call once more and see if she takes the bait. As for her drinking too much, you should not feel bad about that - perhaps she should, but you shouldn't. If she's old enough to go to bars and drink, she's old enough to know that she was having too much and could have slowed down or declined at some point.

If you do see her, I would pay a bit of attention to whether she does this again.

Most women I know would not feel comfortable having too much to drink on most any date, but particularly a first date because it is not generally the safest thing to do when you don't know the guy very well. So be mindful that maybe she drinks a lot all the time, which can be an issue.

And you shouldn't have been driving - you said you were buzzed, which is the same thing as "a little drunk". Doesn't matter if you were perfectly able to drive that car or not - if you had been pulled over you could have really suffered very serious consequences, so if not for the safety of everyone else, don't drink and drive for your own future.

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I totally agree with everything you've said and did think about that myself. She is 22, right out of college and still in that "party girl"/sorority mindset. I have absolutely nothing against having fun (I have my own share... ) but you are right there is a point where you just go "I can't keep up anymore." Ha maybe I'm getting old (and I'm only 24!).

I know I shouldn't feel responsible but I still do because I offered drinks. Not slamming them in her face asking her if she wanted another one but asking her if she'd like another drink if she was done with hers. Really I wasn't thinking a thing about it as I felt fine and I guess since my last g/f of 3.5 years never drank that much I didn't have to make myself cognisant of her intake...

I understand your concern about my driving comment and have taken it and other's into consideration and agree with them all. I realize it may sound different in writing than how it happened but please know I was aware of and comfortable driving at the end of the night. If I hadn't Ii would have had NO problems grabbing a $10 taxi. I've built too much for myself and hold myself in too high of a regard to let a slip like that ruin everything for me. I'm aware of the consequences and you are right, it is not worth the risk.

She may have over drank a bit because of anxiety.Its tough meeting the friends on a first date.I admire her courage in doing that!

I would call and ask for a specific date.Not just a can we get together and hang out type of thing.That is a little casual and she may want something more personal.

Also ,she could have regrets about the kissing ,maybe she was uninhibited due to the drink and feels like she sent you the wrong message.

I have to ask,does anyone actually speak on the phone anymore? Because I think we are losing our personal connection with people.

Good to hear...

And not to make too much of things... most normal people have on occasion had a few too many.

Best wishes!

Your friend stated this girl might have been offended because you declined to spend the night that night.

Well, let me tell you something, if she is upset behind that then she has no respect for herself. She should have been glad you didn't and this should have made her respected you even more because this speaks volumes about your character. I think you did a good thing by leaving except for the driving while your buzz part.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Your friend stated this girl might have been offended because you declined to spend the night that night.

Well, let me tell you something, if she is upset behind that then she has no respect for herself. She should have been glad you didn't and this should have made her respected you even more because this speaks volumes about your character. I think you did a good thing by leaving except for the driving while your buzz part.

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Agreed. After hearing this it didn't leave the best taste in my mouth but like I said I'm not losing sleep over any of it, just trying to get perspective as it is a bit confusing. I feel I hold myself in pretty high regard and know if I wanted to just hook up with girls I could, but personally that isn't my thing. It could be, it is for a lot of my friends just not for me. I know ladies complain about quality guys, but where are the quality ladies? :rolleyes:

I did think about the declining to stay the night thing... some girls who don't normally put themselves out there might feel strange feeling rejected... but if you called her since then to hang out she can get over it.

Second, you are assuming she is looking for the samne things you are. She may just be looking for fun and not a serious relationship. You sound like a guy who would be great in relationships... maybe that scares her, she liked you too much, or she has something else she is thinking that you don't know about. Maybe wait a week or so, think of something specific you want to do, and invite her along. If she doesn't bite, then let it go. Give her a little time. But to be honest, she is not doing the right thing. She can at least respond to you. Maybe she is busy so give her some time. But after a week or so, she would be too busy for a relationship anyway!
Any girl would be happy to date you, you sound like great fun! She snoozes she loses!

And by specific, I mean there is a concert or show or comedy club that she may like, or your friends are having a pool party and they invited her, or something to that sort. Something that you want to do and plan to do, you just invite her to go. I liked that when I was dating... guys make the plans and want my company. :)

You have called her enough, now get on with what you were doing. Busy or not, if she was interested she would have let you know.

I think most of the advice on here is BS.

It sounds like you really connected. If you guys get a long that easy, then that is something REALLY SPECIAL. I have dated lots of women and I have learned a few things.

One - they get nervous (just like us ;)
Hence the drinking, etc.

Two - they often are seeking a man that will affirm them. Sometimes that means waiting for you to really express your interest before reciprrcating (calling back in this case)

Three - nothing is better than laughing together. Nothing.
If you guys laughed a lot, you found something worth working for.

Four - good women respect honesty. Tell her exactly how you feel. That you don't want to come off as needy, but that it was so special, that you have to keep trying! She will be flattered by that. And if by some chance she's not into your honesty, or tries to leverage it against you, you don't want a BS player like that anyway.


Best of luck!
(lots of dating advice here)


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The above poster post is bs.^

Just because you dated a lot of females it doesn't make you're an expert.

This date he had with her was just one. What is he suppose to confess his love for her? :-O

I am a woman and he did everything right here. He went and venture and had a good date and reached out to her a number of times but she never reached back. He also did a really reaspectful thing on his date by leaving and not taking advantage of her while she was drunk. He get 2 thumbs up from me.

You can't get someone that doesn't want to be gotten. What exactly is he suppose to do? Keep chasing? She got his texts and vm, believe me.

To the OP, there is quality females out there that wouldn't bs you like this girl. But don't let this get you down. You pick yourself up and get out there. You going to kiss a few frogs before you get to your princess.

State your own opinions, my are not BS. Mine are from my own experiences as well. You are right, it went great and he should not give up, but he also needs to get his own needs met and if he can't get a bite, then how is he supposed to know anything? Communication is key in all relationships. I am a woman who has dated A LOT. So, let me have my own opions without being told they are crap. Thanks! Peace!