Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend 'ex' had their child

The baby was born 3weeks ago now , and everything seemed great at first the way my boyfriend was acting about the whole situation actually made us closer..

He was at the birth of their child , and see the child everyday up at the mothers house..
That's the only issue I have. Is it wrong?

I understood for the first two weeks she didn't want the baby out of the house as widewives checked on her and the child everyday, and so it was much easier if he just went up to vist. But now that period has past and he's still not able to bring the baby to his house. He's spent a lot of money buying all the things you need for a child and he just seems to be a gloified babysitter right now. My boyfriend ask if he could have the child at the weekend for two reason he wants to be alone with his possible child and two so he can get the DNA test done, without the mother knowing ( he is only doing the DNA test behind her back as the mothers sisters ex asked for a DNA of his possile child and as he asked for the DNA test she refussed him ascess to his possible child and if the baby is his he wants to do the right thing and be there.)

I just think personily that it no fair. Her excuse for not letting him have the baby was because he 'didnt need to have her' as she wasn't going out and that 'the child wasn't used to him yet' but how will that happen if he only get to see the baby a few hours every day, and its becoming a srain on out realsonship as he cam only go up o see when it suits the mother and that usuakl when I would see him , but he obv gose then but I don't.

I don't want to ge involed until we are sure the baby is his, am I worng? Should I go up?

He acts like it doesn't bother him but it dose he doesn't like the mother of the child, and the area she intends on bring his child up, he hates having to go down there all the time biut dose it for the child! I also just found out the mother of the child went out partying 2DAYS after having the child, so who had the baby? The father could have! She has also planned a holioday for 2weeks without the chikd, were she has asked my boyfriend to look affter the child witch he is more than happy to do, but it seems like he only good for when she dosen want the child..

Your boyfriend needs to get an attorney. He should request a DNA test and if proven to be the father, petition for custody and visitation rights. He will soon be on the hook for child support, and should be proactive in asserting his rights, particularly if there is an issue of paternity and the mother's fitness to rear the child alone (assuming she was actually "partying" as you say).

If he put his name on this child's birth certificate and purchased items for this child, his intent to love the baby is there, but it doesn't matter unless he does the truly responsible thing and safeguards his legal rights to paternity, custody, and reasonable support enforcement.

If he can't afford an attorney, check your state's bar association for low cost legal services. You may also consult with your area's social services for more information. Be supportive, but understand he needs to make these choices himself, as a responsible adult. Good luck.

Sorry to hear you are stuck in the middle of this. New mother's are very possessive of their babies so perhaps after a while she will let your boyfriend take it away. But it does sound like she is using the sitution to her advantage. All you can do is support him as much as you can. Good luck.

Your boyfriend needs an attorney to get a DNA test done, visitation and child support matters settled. I don't recommend getting a DNA test done without the mother's permission, it could be a bad thing and possibly against the law(don't know all the legal information on it)

If your boyfriend does an at home pregnancy test he needs to know it holds no weight in court. Personally I am against these tests and if really wants to do a legit test he can call the DNA Diagnostic Center by googling their number. They have centers eveey where and a test can cost any where around $500- 600.

Now this problem is between your boyfriend and his ex. You can be by his side for support but that is pretty much it.

As a father he has rights and he can exercise his rights by taking her to court.

Also, it isn't unreasonable for him to get excited over his baby especially when the child the born. It's not uncommon for him to go out and spend money and go to the ex house to see the child. So when you wrote"He was at the birth of their child , and see the child everyday up at the mothers house..thats the only issue i have. is it wrong?" I think you was being insenstive and maybe a little jealous.

Also, you can't babysit your own child. Now if someone other than the mother or father have the child while they go out then you can say they are babysitting.

This is why they see you should be careful who you have a child with because a night full of passion can cause you 18 years of misery from the child's mother. I am not saying this was a one night stand but now he see how immature she is and how the two of them can't even sit down and talk about their child.

It is time for him to go to court and for you to decide if you can handle this situation or not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

If your boyfriend does an at home pregnancy test he needs to know it holds no weight in court. Personally I am aganist these tests and if really wants to do a legit test he can call the DNA Diagnostic Center by googling their number. They have centers eveey where and a test can cost any where around $500- 600.

This has no weight in court either unless it was ordered by the court. Any DNA test done prior to the court hearing is inadmissible and a waste of money except for personal knowledge.

I agree with the other he needs to do a paternity test and then go to court for joint custody and visitation.
He needs to write everything neglectful to the child down and save it. He doesn't have to go there to visit the child. If he has visitation orders he can meet the mother somewhere to pick up and drop off the kid.