My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months. He's a single dad and I'm a single mother of 7 year olds. He asked me to marry him after three months, and then got cold feet and called it off. We are going to a wedding in a different state and he just told me that he is ready to call it off, because I was "mean" to him. It seems to me, that about 90% of the time, he doesn't answer his phone when I call. I was aggravated about it yesterday, and left him a message stating that I like it when he answers his phone, and when he is not TOO busy, to call me, if he wants to. Ok, I did say it sarcastically, but still. He has asked me (and my child) to move with him to a different state, but can't promise me a relationship, food on the table, a place to live, etc... His mother doesn't want to get involved into a bonding relationship with me (according to him), because she doesn't think our relationship will last. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... my parents are conservative Christians and despise the fact that I'm with him (but they are control freaks). Not sure what to do here. I try to be nice and loving towards him, but it seems that everything that I do is not the right thing. I love this man dearly, but I can't be this sweet, considerate person he wants me to be, all the time. I have a hard shell, so to speak. What do I do concerning all the matters listed above?

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Originally Posted by jbakhtiar

he just told me that he is ready to call it off, because I was "mean" to him.

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Red flag #1. He is trying to control you girl!!

If he continually calls "it" off and cannot promise food on the table, etc. He is telling you that he does not want to be married and that you will have to do the work to provide the food, etc.

Your parents are control freaks, so you migrated to another one. This is common behavior. However, this is not a healthy relationship.

You need to move on with your life for the sake of your child. Do not risk your child's emotional health by being with someone who cannot commit to you and your child.

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Originally Posted by jbakhtiar

He has asked me (and my child) to move with him to a different state, but can't promise me a relationship, food on the table, a place to live, etc....

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Your whole thread worries me but this "quote" really sticks out! Probably because I am a single mom also! I made the mistake of moving in with my boyfriend! The only thing is that we didn't move out of state with my boyfriend but, we moved across town. Together a total of three years thinking we were going to get married! NEVER HAPPENED! Cared and thought of only himself!

If your man would have put a ring on your finger (still not reliable) and marry you before yous move and... informed him mother that you ARE THE ONE... and... and wasn't so CONFUSING... then that would be one thing!

You definitely need to think of your child here! I know you love him but... that song called... "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE"... not true!! You need respect also!

RUN... AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!

I want to ask this.

Do you love your child? If you do, why would you do this?

Apparently this man does not love you or he would promise you those things.

Realize that if you move off with this man, no home, no food, no relationship... then your 7 year old will be homeless.

It is time to stop thinking about yourself and time to start thinking about your child. Children are miniature adults and what they see and hear teaches them how to act when they are grown.

The real issue here is your child and what is best for him/her. If you love your child, get rid of the man cause he does not care for your child. This is WAY obvious to us!!

Personally - I feel this is VERY easy one.

This isn't the type of man you want to be with. He doesn't want the things you want. He doesn't act in a responsible manner. Not ever pickinng up the phone - he doesn't respect you.

No respect - no relationship.

You are right. I seem to have a co-dependency issue. How do I break away. He's a really great guy, except for the whole control issue. And everyone has their own "neuroses", right?? Wow. I'm making excuses for him. We were so completely happy at first. He would send me really sweet txt messages, flowers, and just be really nice. What happened?

You ought to be happy to get rid of this guy. Why would you ever consider moving across the street much less to another state for somebody who won't even buy you dinner? Your parents being control freaks have nothing to do with watching there daughter throw her life away for a useless human being. Quit making excuses.

You had your fun initially. Time to move on. You've seen his REAL colors. He did all that initiall yto lure you in - he is sadly a CON MAN.

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Originally Posted by jbakhtiar

He's a really great guy

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No, he's really an *******. A great guy doesn't use people. A great guy doesn't play a mother with a young girl. A great guy will actually feed his girlfriend (What a concept). Give me a break! Would you wish this problem on your daughter in 20 years? Reread your original post. What would say to someone else if they wrote those exact words? I'd rather live the rest my life alone then put up someone who wants me to move my child and I to another state but can't promise to pay for food.

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Originally Posted by jbakhtiar

He's a really great guy

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No, he's really an *******. A great guy doesn't use people. A great guy doesn't play a mother with a young girl. A great guy will actually feed his girlfriend (What a concept). Give me a break! Would you wish this problem on your daughter in 20 years? Reread your original post. What would say to someone else if they wrote those exact words? I'd rather live the rest my life alone then put up someone who wants me to move my child and I to another state but can't promise to pay for food.

If it were my girlfriend and I loved her - I would do everything in my power to feed her/take care of her.

Why earth would you move? Let alone consider being with him?

I think some people know the answers before they come here. But, a lot times they want tr heat what they want to hear instead of the truth.

Well, you've got some decisions to make. To me it just sounds like you and he aren't compatible. It sounds like the two of you have fundamentally different beliefs and expectations concerning this sort of thing. I won't go so far as to say that it can't work and you should just end it now but it doesn't sound good to me. Maybe if you sat down with him and had an honest, heart-to-heart discussion with him about your concerns it may serve to iron out some of the doubts you're experiencing.

Your solution is so easy. Let him move where ever and you move on with your life. Why be with someone who can't promise you a relationship? Oh! Don't forget to thank him for not marrying you. Good Luck.