My boyfriend and have I a good relationship... not everything is perfect but things between us are usually good and easy. We have a really great sex life. Everything is OK... I guess we've just passed the "honey moon phase".

Lately I have been have sexual day dreams about a male co worker of mine I never used to find attractive unitl he moved offices right next time mine and we've gotten to know each other better. The connection I created with him is just so natural... its like our spirits flow together. Sometimes I think he could be my soulmate especially now that I have the sexual feelings towards him... to the point I fantasize about sleeping with him during masturbation and catch myself starring at my boyfriend wishing it was him.

I love my boyfriend but sometimes I'm just not fulfilled with our relationship.

What should I do about this. I feel like I'm living some sort of lie being with my committed boyfriend and fantasizing about sex with another man and feeling all these butterflies I've NEVER felt before in my stomach every time I think about him.

My co worker has already made me aware he has a thing for me too. He said he feels the connection as well.

Well fantasies are one thing completely natural and safe I have them all the time I never act on them though just keep aware work relationships hardly ever work out... It is like you have a new toy someone that is interested and interesting it is normal to flirt and such but don't act on it

I believe you should get straight with yourself and sit back and think about what you want.Write down all of the good and bad qualities of both man and then compare them with each other. Once you have done that, you can choose which one to take.Yhis choice won't be easy, so go slow and choose carefully.

I had this start, I knew I was attacted.

Didn't take long to turn into a full blown fantasy, with me nit picking my boyfriend to death, because I was emotionally unattaching myself.

Then came the frustration building to the break-up, all the while fantasy/flirtation continuing.

Then the 'new' relationship began. It was wonderful, who knows what would have happened. Lust, sex, closeness... great new relationship.

Then I realized what I had given up... did my own groveling, to come back and worked out the relationship that was important.

Next time, I won't play with the fire!

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I love my boyfriend but sometimes I'm just not fulfilled with our relationship.

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I love mine too and sometimes I want to clobber him but there is a big leap between dissatisfaction and cheating.

You are always going to meet other men who you are attracted to but that does not mean you should act on that.

You are always going to have times when the BF is not your favorite person but that doesn't alter the fact that if you have a committed relationship,you should stay true to that.

Bottom line is ,is an affair worth losing your BF over?

I quit a job before because I was so into this guy at work ,I knew If I had stayed I would have strayed.

Instead of trying to find a source outside the relationship to fix the problems inside the relationship,work on your issues.If it can't be fixed and your relationship does not move forward,then have your fantasy come true.To do so before is just going to add more problems to your existing relationship.

Perhaps if you concentrated your efforts on the BF and making that better ,you would feel less compelled to stray.

There is an old saying...


The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.



Its because its an optical illusion.

My grandmother always told me "the grass may look greener on the other side but if you look hard enough you will see they have weeds to".

Think before you do something foolish. I read and answered some questions about the guy your with, if it is the same guy, and I know your relationship isn't perfect especially with the baby moma drama.

Neither is messing around with someone you work with. It is fun while it is working but a downer once it ends. Also, some jobs, like mines, are against workplace relationships--like mine.

If your not happy where your at and if you don't want to stay and fix the problem then leave but don't do it because of any outside influences nor do something your regret.

It is okay to have fantasize about someone other than your partner. I've been guilty of this.

Artlady and Liz have this one pegged. Work on one relationship at a time. It's amazing how much concentration can help. Choose which one yourself, but just this once do it the guy way, one thing after the other.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

There is an old saying...


The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.



Its because its an optical illusion.

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I like this one too:

The grass may look greener on the other side, but yours could be greener too if you watered it and took care of it more.

Relationships that are in the stage you are in become more real in many ways. We start to fantasiz about the 'fire and passion' we had at the being of the relationship. If one some catches our eye we start with the 'grass is greener' syndrome. You have to be careful of this. It may not be that the new guy is a better mate, just that you have to recognize the significance of this stage of the relationship you are in. Ask yourself - would you still be happy if this new man didn't exist. If the answer is yes then leave fantasy as exactly that-fantasy.

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Originally Posted by artlady

Instead of trying to find a source outside the relationship to fix the problems inside the relationship,work on your issues.If it can't be fixed and your relationship does not move forward,then have your fantasy come true.To do so before is just going to add more problems to your existing relationship.

Perhaps if you concentrated your efforts on the BF and making that better ,you would feel less compelled to stray.

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I don't feel COMPELLED to stray. The connection I've made with my co worker is a natural one that neither of us forced, planned , or even wanted. It just happened and I don't know what to do with these new feelings. There is nothing significant in my relationship to fix. Everything is fine besides the normal disagreements all couples have. It's just that the connection I have with him I feel is not as strong and will never be as strong as the connection me and my co worker could possibly have. I've never felt the way I feel about my coworker towards my boyfriend.

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Originally Posted by 21yearsandhurt

Ask yourself - would you still be happy if this new man didn't exist. If the answer is yes then leave fantasy as exactly that-fantasy.

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Yes I would still be happy with my boyfriend if my coworker didn't exsist. And I'm happy with my boyfriend even though the co worker does exist. I just feel like my boyfriend is OK for me but my coworked is who I'm SUPPOSED to be with... Our feelings towards each other juts feel that natural. Like we were pre destined to be together.

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

i don't feel COMPELLED to stray. The connection I've made with my co worker is a natural one that neither of us forced, planned , or even wanted. It just happened and I don't know what to do with these new feelings. There is nothing significant in my relationship to fix. Everything is fine besides the normal disagreements all couples have. It's just that the connection I have with him I feel is not as strong and will never be as strong as the connection me and my co worker could possibly have. I've never felt the way I feel about my coworker towards my bf.

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I would say you need to decide... although it sounds like you have.

You are truly at a crossroads. The emotional affair you have already begun with an physical affair that will probably soon follow.

I have been in your shoes, it's a crossroads that can emotional destroy the men in your life. So you have to make a choice.

While you are not compelled to stray, you are highly tempted. Planning isn't need in chemistry sometimes it happens.

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

i don't feel COMPELLED to stray. The connection I've made with my co worker is a natural one that neither of us forced, planned , or even wanted. It just happened and I don't know what to do with these new feelings. There is nothing significant in my relationship to fix. Everything is fine besides the normal disagreements all couples have. It's just that the connection I have with him I feel is not as strong and will never be as strong as the connection me and my co worker could possibly have. I've never felt the way I feel about my coworker towards my bf.

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And you aren't the first to be in this situation. Many others have. What they do is remove themselves from the situation, out of respect for their partner, out of doing what's right.

Unless you do you are trying to have it both ways and nothing good will come from it. Your boyfriend will leave you, you will likely have to leave your job because of friction. It's NEVER a good idea to fool around with a coworker. Nothing good ever comes of it. And I've been in the workforce for 28 years now and never once seen an office romance work.

If your boyfriend means anything to you , you will stop with the coworker, and stop now. If you don't then you will deserve what you get.

I feel like I'm living some sort of lie being with my committed boyfriend and fantasizing about sex with another man and feeling all these butterflies I've NEVER felt before in my stomach every time I think about him.

My co worker has already made me aware he has a thing for me too. He said he feels the connection as well.

I see you've indicated a feeling of connection to this guy at your work like a feeler to see how he feels about you, I call that a no no, do you also tell him about your problems you encounter with your boyfriend? I bet you do, shame shame shame.

This guy is interested in you for whatever reason that may be, but he should if he was a decent person would stay out of other peoples business and not interfere, i.e potray a white knight in shining armour.

I believe you will give in to your tempation as many people do in your circumstance and later realise that there to are weeds in this new green grass? Lol.

Think long and hard about moving into another one before finishing the present one, you just might regret it unless of course you are blessed.

Cheers.

I feel like I'm living some sort of lie being with my committed boyfriend and fantasizing about sex with another man and feeling all these butterflies I've NEVER felt before in my stomach every time I think about him.

My co worker has already made me aware he has a thing for me too. He said he feels the connection as well.

I see you've indicated a feeling of connection to this guy at your work like a feeler to see how he feels about you, I call that a no no, do you also tell him about your problems you encounter with your boyfriend? I bet you do, shame shame shame.

This guy is interested in you for whatever reason that may be, but he should if he was a decent person would stay out of other peoples business and not interfere, i.e potray a white knight in shining armour.

I believe you will give in to your tempation as many people do in your circumstance and later realise that there to are weeds in this new green grass? Lol.

Think long and hard about moving into another one before finishing the present one, you just might regret it unless of course you are blessed.

Cheers.

Chrissy, is this the guy with the newborn baby or a different guy?

How long have you two been dating?

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

i don't feel COMPELLED to stray. The connection I've made with my co worker is a natural one that neither of us forced, planned , or even wanted. It just happened and I don't know what to do with these new feelings. There is nothing significant in my relationship to fix. Everything is fine besides the normal disagreements all couples have. It's just that the connection I have with him I feel is not as strong and will never be as strong as the connection me and my co worker could possibly have. I've never felt the way I feel about my coworker towards my bf.

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Hi Chrissy I'm sorry, I meant nothing judgmental by using the word compelled.If I offended you by that it was not my intention.
You do find him compelling.
If you are falling in love with someone else than nothing will stop that.
I always worry about someone going from one relationship to another and you know all the reasons.

You have to be true to yourself.If the BF and you are done,it does no one any good to hang on.
I wish you the best!

Chrissy, The only one I know that can make this triangle thing you're falling into work out well is Woody Allen. Let me repeat my advice in somewhat more direct terms: Choose.

The only reason the grass ever looks greener on the other side is because the person whose lawn it is uses more manure to make it look that way.

Stop seeing the co-worker. You owe it to yourself and to your boyfriend to make a decision about THAT relationship without another person being involved.

If you don't feel a "connection" with him, then maybe you should just break it off already, so that he's not wasting any more time with you.