Hello all. Id appreciate some opinions in my relationship issue.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. We've lived together for about 1 year.
We have our ups and downs as everyone else does.

Recently I sat her down to talk. I felt that something was up, just a gut feeling. As it turns out she wants to move out. She wants to be on her own for a while to become a better woman for us. She feels like a child because she has been taken care of her whole life, and wants to feel that she can take care of herself. Although I had to pull this out of her, she says she didn't want to hurt my feelings so she stayed and that she is afraid I will leave her if she moved.

I love her and want her to do what she needs to do. I will admit though that it has hurt my pride as a man, because of the possibility of a woman moving out because she has another man she wants to pursue etc. Regardless, I accept what she feels best for herself and don't want any past relationship experiences to affect how I deal with her. She wants to stay in the relationship, just under separate roofs. I just don't want to be taken advantage of or give her the have your cake and eat it too situation.

Id like some additional perspective here.

Going to be a little bleak here friend.

Regardless of what she tells you about why she is moving out, it mostlikely is bad news wrapped around a story to make you feel better.

I highly doubt this is her wanting to see if she can survive by herself, that seems like a B.S line to hide the fact she want away from the situation she is in. I would hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Sorry.

Hmm

Any others?

I agree with BMI. This is her nice way of saying goodbye.

Hmm, I guess I will have to consider this possibility. Any others?

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Originally Posted by eternallight

hmm, I guess I will have to consider this possibility. Any others?

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Think about it. If she were happy, this wouldn't have even come up.

This is true that she is unhappy with something, and indeed it could be me.. only time will tell this, unless she makes it clear..

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Originally Posted by eternallight

This is true that she is unhappy with something, and indeed it could be me.. only time will tell this, unless she makes it clear..

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She may never tell you what it really is, what's making her unhappy. She may skirt the issue so as not to upset or hurt you.

Do you want to know how to find out what is going on in her head? Feign complete disinterest. Totally ignore the subject. Do not ask repeatedly, "What's wrong?" The more you ask, the more she will back off. The first lesson in karate is learning how to use an opponent's weight and movement against him. You move toward him, and he will back off, but if you allow him to move toward you, you can pull him forward and get him off balance. The same is with this girl. The more you move in toward her (to find out what's wrong), the more she will back off. The more you show indifference, the more interested she will become and will want to lean in to your indifference to change it and resolve it.

Im not really interested in playing these type of games, although I do see the point you are making

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Originally Posted by eternallight

Im not really interested in playing these type of games, although I do see the point you are making

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If you ask her over and over again, "What's wrong?" you are playing her game of being baited and dangled. By moving on and being indifferent to what is pushing her out the door is NOT playing her game and is good for you.

I agree with that.. It is her choice to leave, and she will have what she desires in that

Some people cannot commit to a full break for a variety of reasons so they try to wean them self from their partner.

Erroneously thinking that it is somehow less drastic and therefore less painful.

They also may do this because they do not have the confidence to be totally independent and they need their partner there as a back-up.

In a healthy relationship,people live together as equal partners and have individual and fulfilling lives.There is no need to live in separate quarters to achieve that.

As has been stated,prepare yourself for her to further distance herself from you as a means to severing the relationship all together.

Going backward in a relationship and hoping it will improve is more wishful thinking than anything else.

Just my take on it.

First let me say thanks to all of the advice so far.

I spoke with my girlfriend a little while ago. I was very straightforward and made all of my concerns clear to her. Now she wants to stay, if she can pay half the rent/bills. This would mean more money out of her pocket, but it is what she wants. Im not sure that a woman wanting to find another boyfriend would request this type of arrangement... In the past I have paid these bills, as I had them before she moved in (she moved into my place) and felt that as a provider I should keep paying all these bills. She says she's felt like a kid with me taking care of everything and wants to feel like she is handling her life too.

Boy o boy things are confusing, but I've made it clear to her that I don't want her to stay for my feelings because I don't need that. She says that she loves me and wants to be with me, but she felt like nothing was hers to handle.

Damn... Now Im wondering was this my fault for trying to be too much of a man and paying for the place and bills? What do you guys think about this?

I think your conclusion about trying to be too much of a man is baseless. Also, I would advise against you trying to lay the blame on yourself for the events that have taken place. At this point in time you (and we) are clueless as to why she even began this whole situation, it may very well remain that way.

If you love and care for her than let it aside and focus on fixing the little things, in time you will be in a better situation to asess your future. I'd use this as a warning sign that perhaps things may not be perfect or that the relationship still needs work, be careful and attentive to these signs.

Good luck to you.

Nah, I don't have my own place yet or a girl living with me but from what I read, it's not your fault. You've been providing before she even moved in, but she feels obligate to help out as well... I mean it's not a bad thing if she is helping out as well as long y'all work together on everything and solve any situation together as it comes up in life. It's like you giving and receiving XD. I'd say give it a shot and see it through and see how things go cause you never know, it might just work and it could just satisfy her needs. The girl I used to be with, is just exactly like that... she loves to help others and her family and would provide anything before she thinks of herself. And if you provide for everything she feels insecure about all of it and like what you said "she feels like being a kid." So yea... my suggestion would to see it through. (It's my own opinion tho)

I'm going through the same thing right now, we were engaged and she lived with me and just 2 weeks ago after I co-signed for a $20,000 truck. She tells me that she thinks we should live separately for a bit. She moved out 2 days later, doesn't have a place yet but has her belongings in our storage. I was calling and texting as to how I felt and how I wanted her back for days and saw that I was actually driving her farther and farther away. Now I don't contact her one bit and she bites here and there to find out about me. Just be careful, when you take care of everything, your soulmate will start to see you as a father figure and not the signifcant other that you are. That's what happened here with me... remember relationships are 50/50 and a two way street. Loyalty and trust are the foundations that can't be broken either.

I appreciate the responses...
Yes I feel that it is worth it to see how things go. Then if what she says is true, I will know just by letting her actions speak. And if things don't work, those reasons will have to surface.

I can only imagine how women feel in this day and age when they think they aren't being treated equal. I am a bit more traditional, but if all she wants is to feel she can handle things with her own money then I'm going to let her do just that. I can't really complain because if she's paying half the rent its half I don't have to pay, and kept in my pocket.

As to why she even began this whole situation, we have had issues with her expressing feelings in the past and when I look at this situation I think she didn't see a way to get me to understand she wants to feel independent this way. I know I can give off the impression of not being changeable, and although her issue is with me there she needs to demand how she wants to live instead of holding it in. Maybe she felt like my kid and had better not try to change how I do things. She is already going to therapy for this issue in expressing herself, so the best I can do is let her learn in her own way...

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Originally Posted by ConfusedandLost

I'm going through the same thing right now, we were engaged and she lived with me and just 2 weeks ago after I co-signed for a $20,000 truck. She tells me that she thinks we should live separately for a bit. She moved out 2 days later, doesn't have a place yet but has her belongings in our storage. I was calling and texting as to how I felt and how I wanted her back for days and saw that I was actually driving her farther and farther away. Now I don't contact her one bit and she bites here and there to find out about me. Just be careful, when you take care of everything, your soulmate will start to see you as a father figure and not the signifcant other that you are. Thats what happened here with me.......remember relationships are 50/50 and a two way street. Loyalty and trust are the foundations that can't be broken either.

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Man I'm sorry things went this way for you.. sometimes its at odd times when they tell you how they've really been feeling.. Within the past couple of weeks we just made plans for our summer vacation and several activities, and now this issue comes up. Makes you think because they knew they felt this way the whole damn time but still went along with our plans. They seem to be too concerned with what we want than to speak up with opposition.