My boyfriend is a registered sex offender. In 2000 he was 19 she was 16. He did 5 years in prison. He has been out for 2 years and is currently on parole for 1 and a half more years (he had 3 1/2 total). He will then be on probation for 13 years. We have known each other for 13 years. We have been dating for just shy of 2 years. He is now 26 and his life has been basically ruined. I have a 10 year old son. We would like to get married, what can we do?

In my area he would need to get permission from his PO. Is he allowed around ANY children?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

In my area he would need to get permission from his PO. Is he allowed around ANY children?

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He is allowed to be around children in his family, but that took a year and a half. I am in Georgia and the laws are really harsh. All sex offenders are treated the same regardless if you are a pedophile, rapist etc...

I realize this is the law section, forgive me Judy, but why would you want to be involved with a sex offender? Is this the kind of role model you want for your 10 year old son?

No problem - good to get input. My gut reaction is that this was underage sex which OP feels is in category other than rape or sexual assault.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I realize this is the law section, forgive me Judy, but why would you want to be involved with a sex offender? Is this the kind of role model you want for your 10 year old son?

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I have known him for 13 years. He is a registered sex offender by statute. 3 years in difference of age. When I was a freshman in HS my boyfriend was a senior. In 1988 that was the "cool thing" to do. He was 3 years older than I was. In that year, it wasn't a problem. I love him. I know him. He was at the hospital when my son was born. He just chose to make a very bad error judgement that he will pay for for the rest of his life. Does he not deserve a second chance?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

No problem - good to get input. My gut reaction is that this was underage sex which OP feels is in category other than rape or sexual assault.

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To me it does not matter. I would not want to raise my children thinking that this is okay. Especially a SON!

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Originally Posted by tambara74

Does he not deserve a second chance?

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Maybe some people would think he deserves a second chance. By all means I think some felons deserve a second chance. But not a child molester.

You see, I am a mother of four children. I raise my children to believe in right and wrong. To me this is wrong. He is a pedophile.

This, to me, is not setting a good example for the boy.

Loud clunk... off my soapbox... back to you legal eagles. ;)

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Originally Posted by J_9

To me it does not matter. I would not want to raise my children thinking that this is okay. Especially a SON!!

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No it is not okay. He has "learned" form his mistake and he is not the same person he was 9 years ago, who is-I'm not Thank God. I just think the laws should not be the same for everyone, depending on the crime. Should he be alone for the rest of his life? Should he just sit alone for the rest of his life for a mistake that was made when he was young and stupid?

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Originally Posted by tambara74

We would like to get married, what can we do?

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Hello t:

You don't need to explain yourself to people. I'm NOT a sex offender, but there's been many a time when a girl COULD have cried rape, or when I was young, I COULD have screwed somebody a few years younger than me... Have I screwed drunk girls?? Yup, and that could have been rape too.

Then, of course, the state makes them PAY even more after they've done their time... It's wrong, and your BF is a VICTIM of the state - not the other way around.

But, back to getting married. His PO shouldn't stop you.

excon

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Originally Posted by J_9

To me it does not matter. I would not want to raise my children thinking that this is okay. Especially a SON!!




Maybe some people would think he deserves a second chance. By all means I think some felons deserve a second chance. But not a child molester.

You see, I am a mother of four children. I raise my children to believe in right and wrong. To me this is wrong. He is a pedophile.

This, to me, is not setting a good example for the boy.

loud clunk.....off my soapbox...back to you legal eagles. ;)

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Thanks for your advice, but I do not agree that he is a pedophile. He is anything but. So do you think alone is where he belongs? A pedophile is a person man or woman that preys on children for sexual purposes or gratification. She was 16, promiscuous and her parents knew full well what was going on. He made a terrible error in judgement. She was not a child, but by statute she was. It was his fault, he takes full responsibility for what was done. It was an on going relationship not a hey let's get in this van and I am going to take it incident. I do appreciate your input though.

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello t:

You don't need to explain yourself to people. I'm NOT a sex offender, but there's been many a time when a girl COULD have cried rape, or when I was young, I COULD have screwed somebody a few years younger than me..... Have I screwed drunk girls??? Yup, and that could have been rape too.

Then, of course, the state makes them PAY even more after they've done their time.... It's wrong, and your BF is a VICTIM of the state - not the other way around.

But, back to getting married. His PO shouldn't stop you.

excon

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Unfotunatley, not everyone thinks like you do. He is not a pedophile and yes, he is a victim of the great State of GA. It's a shame, but it's the way it is and there is nothing that he can do about it. He is not a threat to any children, and who's to say if he ever had children, he would be allowed to be around them. It's a sad situation.

I'm going to have to agree with tambara here. I don't see this as a habitual offender. This seems to be a case of a young and foolish boy who couldn't keep it in his pants. Frankly, this may be a perfect example for a young boy. Someone who made a mistake and the price he has paid for it.

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Originally Posted by tambara74

he is a victim of the great State of GA. It's a shame, but it's the way it is and there is nothing that he can do about it.

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I do have to disagree, at least in part, with the above comment. Granted he was young and foolish, but he made his own choices. He is a victim of his own naïveté. Georgia is only the instrument of his victimization not the exploiter.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm going to have to agree with tambara here. I don't see this as a habitual offender. This seems to be a case of a young and foolish boy who couldn't keep it in his pants. Frankly, this may be a perfect example for a young boy. Someone who made a mistake and the price he has paid for it.

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He has been a good example setter. Even though my son is only 10 he knows from the those two have-leave the girls alone until you know what you are doing. Focus on school and your extra curricular activities. At the time my boyfriend was on his way to college, which now he can only attend online, since there are some 17 year olds on college campuses. At first, they wouldn't even allow him to go to church, because there are children there, but it was his right to go to church. He has to watch where he lives and works-he can't be within 1,000 feet of churches and schools. He has a hard life ahead of him, he shouldn't have to do it alone, no one should. He was young, he grew up quickly in prison, the hard way. 19 in prison with habitual rapists, habitual murderers, child molesters and sexual predators, which he is not.

Here's my concern -

He broke the law. That's why he got the sentence he got, that's why he's living with this. As a side note - who had him arrested and why? The girl's parents? This brings the question into the legal forum.

If this is a discussion about who SHOULD be a sex offender, then it belongs on a discussion board, not the legal board.

It's all about what the law says. Other than that it's about the OP's relationship with this person. It would further appear that the boyfriend has contact with OP's child - I don't know if that is allowed by the terms of the parole/probation.

Again - if it's law, here is fine. If not, it's a relationship question at which point someone has to address what the father of the OP's child thinks about all of this.

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Originally Posted by tambara74

Thanks for your advice, but I do not agree that he is a pedophile. He is anything but. So do you think alone is where he belongs? A pedophile is a person man or woman that preys on children for sexual purposes or gratification. She was 16, promiscuous and her parents knew full well what was going on. He made a terrible error in judgement. She was not a child, but by statute she was. It was his fault, he takes full responsibility for what was done. It was an on going relationship not a hey let's get in this van and I am going to take it incident. I do appreciate your input though.

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As you said - she was a child. He was not. They apparently had a sexual relationship. He meets the legal definition. Whether she was promiscuous, whether this was with parental approval does not matter. If the parents knew full well, who had him arrested?

Equating stealing a van and exploiting a child makes no sense.

You know him. We do not. As far as your relationship with him is concerned you are hopefully the best judge of his character.

And by the way... he has been in counseling with men who have molested their daughters, granddaughters, grand sons and sons. They have abducted perfect strangers children from playgrounds, stores etc... My boyfriend is the youngest in the sessions. They range in age from 40 to 78... the real predators convicted several times over. He spends 2 hours a week in class with these men. How warped would that make you to sit and look at these real pedophiles and know the state thinks you are just like these men? You are condemned just like they are because you were 3 years older than your puppy love girlfriend. I have seen these men and I have talked to these men. They need serious help, that they will never be able to obtain because they are sexual predators and they thrive on that hunt for children. According to his PO and his counselor that he has been seeing for 2 years-he is not a threat but yet and still the state says he has to attend these classes with these men as part of his treatment.

Again - if the parents knew, he had their consent, who had him arrested?

And, again, by definition, by Law, he is a sexual predator, a molester. Whether that is fair is NOT a question for the legal advice board.

You can defend him all you want, make all the excuses you want - it is what it is. You asked how to marry him, that question was answered.

Now it's a debate and I think it should be closed.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

As you said - she was a child. He was not. They apparently had a sexual relationship. He meets the legal definition. Whether or not she was promiscuous, whether or not this was with parental approval does not matter. If the parents knew full well, who had him arrested?

Equating stealing a van and exploiting a child makes no sense.

You know him. We do not. As far as your relationship with him is concerned you are hopefully the best judge of his character.

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The van part was a stereo type. Child molesters-vans-abduction... her parents had him arrested. His parents finale got threw to him that he needed to stop or he was going to jail. I remember his mom telling him, he couldn't save her from that situation, let DEFACS handle it, but it was too late. The 16 year old didn't want the relationship to end. Her parents were alcoholics/drug addicts and still are. He was worried about her in that environment in the first place. When he tried to get out of the situation-that's when the arrest came into play.

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Originally Posted by tambara74

The van part was a stereo type. Child molesters-vans-abduction...her parents had him arrested. His parents finale got threw to him that he needed to stop or he was going to jail. I remember his mom telling him, he couldn't save her from that situation, let DEFACS handle it, but it was too late. The 16 year old didn't want the relationship to end. Her parents were alcoholics/drug addicts and still are. He was worried about her in that environment in the first place. When he tried to get out of the situation-that's when the arrest came into play.

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Thanks-close it.

Hello again, t:

Just a wee bit more discussion - because I CAN.

I have no problem with convicting statutory rapists. In fact, I have no problem with convicting ANY sex offender.

The problem I have, is the sex offender registry's that make an offender PAY long after their sentence is complete.

If offenders are so bad that they need to be watched, then they should NEVER have been let out of jail. But, to let them out, and hound them forever makes absolutely no sense to me.

excon