I met a great guy on an internet dating site, we talked daily on the phone, spent 4 weekends together. The ex-wife saw me around more frequently, they live in the same town, have 2 kids, I live a couple of hours away. Now.. she wants him back, he says he needs some time to get it resolved "once and for all". He started seeing a therapist about the situation, he is very codependent, adult child of an alcoholic, she is very dysfunctional, sounds like a very toxic relationship that would never work. He can't seem to break away. My heart is broke, have stopped contacting him, and he hasn't contacted me for week.

Obviously he was not over her, and he should not have been dating till it was over and final or once and for all as you stated.

And the ex will be in his life until the kids are grown, and it appears she knows how to push all of his buttons.

So until the relationship hits bottom, he is sounds like he is not willing to walk away.

TOO MUCH LUGGAGE... these are the warning signs... he still is interested in his children mother... never believe totally a man's view of another woman... you have already made a serious observation "...he is very codependent...". This man is looking for a mother... let him grow up and you get off the computer for a while and go to wine tasting classes, join a cooking class that is focus on specialty foods... go to cyber bars... keep yourself surrounded by liked minded people ( in the positive)... tonight go get your nails and feet done... relax... OK

I would run away. You don't really know him that well yet and it only sounds like this will end in heart break for you.
Get out now while you don't have too much ties up emotionally.

He obviously has some serious issues to work on himself right now which he probably should be doing alone anyway.

But if you are in a long distance relationship with a dependent person and an ex wife that is getting involved then that enough red flags for me to suggest to get out now.

And maybe lok at meeting people in person. The net has a way of hiding these chracterstics about people!

So please leave him be and let him sort out his life. If in the future he can prove to you that all his issues have been worked out then maybe you can look at something with him. But right now it just seems to hard for things to work, sorry.

Good luck and keep us posted!

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Originally Posted by suzieq18

he is very codependent

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This is a red flag!!

If he is co-dependant are you sure you want to be in a co-dependant relationship?

Just because he leaves/divorces her that does not mean the depenancy will stop. Sometimes it becomes worse.

You should probably let him work his problems out on his own and find a healthy relationship for yourself.

Just my 2 cents.

Keep up the no contact and find a healthy man out there. He is not healthy, as you already know. Besides sex he can do nothing for you but catch you up in his personal problems.

Yeah - I agree with all the others - this isn't good. Too many red flags.

They broke once for a reason and this poor sap wants more?

No contact.