OK this is the case the mother in law does not have much because she livs on food stamps
Her daughter sends her 200 monthly for her and her son.
She is so ungrateful
Even if we helped her it would not be enough because she's not working/
I mean she needs to learn her place. We are not going to baby sitt her and buy her everything she wants. Every month she wants something new, like rugs or couches..

She is doing okay but she wants more... becuz my husband used to give her everything she needed... half of everythinga and bought furniture...

But the problem is not that my husband does not help her financially
The problem is that she demands it
She is jealous and does not want to try on her own.
Things change and she has to know it..
LIke hello I do not even ask my husband for furniture..
I comend him for watching over his mother. But she has everything now
Her daughters are going to college and one of them is a grad...
She helps her a lot and she still complains

She is seriously sick
I can't believe her

What she wants is for us to support her
What she needs is a husband
We can't be there one hundred percent
What else does she want?
She has her basic needs and a little more than that because she receives help from her daughters.. like buyiung her expensive clothes and furniture

So if she wants something she is going to have to work for it
She does not have the right to ask for things
I would seriously support my husband in helping her if I knew she did not have what to eat even if it meant for me to cooperate more in the house financially but nooo
She needs to learn self control and be happy with what she has.

She says "He is my son".
I understand that that bond will never leave but he can't just take responsobility for her fuly
I would not mind if he toook groceries once in a while for her to take a break, but not give her money that she would give away or take the luxury to not work...
We all work married, single with kids or sick parents... its too hard and I don't know she is just too religious and thinks God will send her all the help yet she fights over the money her son won't give her...
If she really trusted In God she would work and we would give her things without her asking for them

I always told my husband for us to take her things or shoes on sale stuff like that but she is just.. she needs a husband... I feel bad for her but I can't sacrifice my marriage to devote to her like give all my money to my husband for him to help her or work with the purpose to support them while I sacrifice myt own cleaning and cooking time and doing other things just for her... She just needs to learn to move on

LIke o my goshhhh... I wish I could help her but Can't over worry about people and sacrifice your savings and all your life for one person

The best person answering your Q would be your husband. Try telling him your perspective and he may alo convince his mom to re-marry

Best of luck

I am wondering because your English is so poor, that there might be cultural considerations here?

Does she come from a culture where it is expected that her children will tend to her in her senior years?

I am also wondering why you didn't realize how 'needy' she was when you married her son. Did you not realize that the family was obviously very close, and all the siblings support their mother to some degree?

That you hold such resentment toward her is putting a lot of pressure on your husband, and will eventually put a wedge between the two of you, and the rest of the family.

It is probably a situation that is not going to change. Your husband and his sisters all comply with the mothers wishes and expectations. Complaining about it, won't change it.

That she is ungrateful in your eyes isn't really the problem in my opinion.

Well she is not a senior... she is 47... I mean everyone has to work.. I just don't see why I can't come first.. for instance he bought her a house... and when I asked him of us he said no.. taht life is too hard... I mean yeah did know she is needy but well I mean doesn't she need to work?

When he married me he told me not to work yet now he does.. but he has never told her to work,, I think she is needy bcause she wants too... she does not like to work.. yeah she is cultural... she even said I was supposed to do everything...

U may be right but it needs to be consulted with me

For instance she asked him for 1k that we just had for rent and in secrecy never wanted me to know anything about it... it was between them

If he talked to me about it.. communication and said well this is what my mom wants... then I could prob say "welll we can't give it to her now, but maybe in the future or half"

I'm just depressed because I wanted to be part of that

I mean if he does give her its like us giving her... we were best friends...
And to a certain point I do envy her... I know I should not.. and your words are very kind...

I just do not want her to rely on him so much financially that he will care more for her needs and when I need something he will say no.

Yeah we are working on that.. on his communication skills... its just... depressing
Like if I knew she really needed something like clothes and stuff.. I would not mind... if he had enough for us and a savings account for us

The problem is not only her.. I guess my husband too because he would think the money we madde waas his money and what I made was mine..

He used to spend like crazy and when they asked for stuff he would not think about it twice and with me if I said ohh can you buy me that lotion or something little he would say "you owe me money"

I mean that's ridiculous

We are getting better

I guess I hate the fact that he still thinks he has full responsobility for her

I always have supported him when she needs things she can't afford. I even pick out clothes for him to buy her if he wants to buy her... but its just that relationship that they have... and I wanted to be part of that as in she would ask us both not my husband because he spends so much and she knows it. I just want her to understand that she can't asssume he is made of money because he is not...

Now we have an account where I tell him we need to leave money for us and the bills because before he did not care.. he would spend one thousand on stupid toys and would then say why I don't help him with the rent...
I don't think that is fair.. why would I give him our savings for things he does not need?

I guess I come from a very sacrificed family.
My mother taught me to not buy things that were not necessary and I gues I have not udnerstood him. He likes to live in the present and I for the future

For instance I want a home for us and our kids... not him just thinking about ah ome for his mom.. I wanted her to live with us if she needed to but we are both suffering from depression and she gets crazy on me that if I insult her in anyway she will call the cops... So I mean I can't live with that... emotional thing
Imagine just for talking back to her I end up in jail.. and they just stare at me go in?

When they talk about me he just stays quiet.. u know and when I say something about them he will go crazy and leave for hours...

But your right there are things I must udnerstant

Well, that paints a bigger picture of what you have been going through.

I don't know if I could live that way. When you marry someone, you marry them, you don't usually also marry the mother in law. Except in some cultures of course, it really is about tradition and not unusual for adult children to support their elder parents. It is expected.

But to be in this situation if it is not a cultural, accepted way of life, just the preferred life of the mother in law, is really overstepping bounds and expectations all the way around.

That she is only 47 and so dependent on people like this- why is that? Is she disabled?

Did you understand how the family worked before you married your husband?

Because these money deals are done party with your money, I would say you have every right to have some say in how it is spent on his mother. You sound like you are willing to compromise, but is your husband?

He and his siblings seem very dominated by her, to the extent in your case, that your husband makes secret deals for large sums of money. That's just not right.

He needs to talk to you, and modify his expectations of what a marriage is, and that you have an equal part, and say, in all that goes on within it, and where his mother is concerned.

If he's not willing to cut the aprox strings, grow up, and put his loyalties where they belong, then I don't honestly know what the answer is.

If however, this is what his culture dictates, and you are the odd man out so to speak, there is not a lot of hope in what I've seen so far to suggest that anything is going to get better.

If there is anything to compromise between you and your husband, he is going to have to step up and consider your feelings, and your needs. Counselling would be a really good option to give you an opportunity to speak to a professional and be heard with your husband.

I wish you luck, and I'm sorry that you are so unhappy. I would be too.

No she is just depressed and she does not want to charge rent to her son that is twenty years old..

She loves to help people but does not herlp herself. She is too obsessed with her religion and cleaningness so she wants a perfect life for herself, a super clean house, time with her son that is twelve, the rest are adults and never havepaid rent.its the girls that give her stuff but never rent even if they have lived there. So that's why I get mad.. becus its not like not want to help but its too much you know...
I don't even depend on my husband for things

This other case: she wanted a sofa.. so she said can I borrow 200?
He said OK but I need them for rent... but her plan was to keep that money..
So they went together with the daughter and the daughter supposely was going to pay for the couch? And she forgot her wallet? So he paid for it
So if he lent her that money before and then paid for the couch. She did keep the first 200
Her daughter hid the money but we went together so the mom ended up paying my husband...
I was so upset because she already had a couch.. you know... she just wanted to get rid of the other one...
So that happened and she spoooke to me on the phone and said "well i thought he was going to give me that money, but he made me pay him" I was like ughhhh who is she

I told her well "he just lost his job and he has money but for the next two months rent and his citizenship".. she says "well i can't touch my savings either so we are on the same boat... we are used to him giving us money"

When she gets money she donates it to her church how awful and then says she needs furniture ?and money for other things..?

She says she is too tired to work... but we are all tired... I don't know
She's used to the government support so what she does not get from it she asks for it somewhere else because she knows she will get it.. cus my husband is dumb he will do anything...

Yeah its just driving me crazy all these two months because I know it will not change..