My ex wife and I have joint custody of our 7 year old son. She is taking me back to court to try to get full custody because I will not let her take our son whenever she wants. We have a court ordered schedule and I like to stick to it. She only wants to take him when it is convenient to her. She also made a comment that if she gets full custody she will get more child support. She has a history of abandoning our son. She does not do his homework. She always takes him to school late or not at all. She says that the main reason that she wants full custody is because she wants him in her school district so that she don't have to drive to pick him up from school. She lives about 20 miles away from us. He has been in the same school for 4 years now and all of his friends are there. He plays sports there as well. He has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and she says that it would be in his best interest to be with her so that she can monitor his condition. She has made false claims to child protective services on me and my wife. She has made false claims to the police claiming to be our neighbors. She is also bringing up the fact that my wife had a dui and a drug possession charge 11 years ago. Will this make a difference in court? It was 11 years ago. I know this is a lot of information to take in, but an help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you

Is there correlating documentation from the false claims you can use in court? DUI 11 years ago means nothing, she has to prove your wife has driven drunk with the child in the car recently. Sounds like your son is well adjusted where he is at, and courts will be reluctant to change that without her proving there is "cause" for the change, not just because mom wants to change custody.

I will say this and I guess make everyone mad.

The worst words I ever hear in child custody is "I have a schedule and I stick to it" that means you are not doing at times what is best for the child, but doing it to spite the other person at times.
So she gets him on Tuesday for a special event,
That is what is suppose to happen, the two of you are suppose to have a set schedule that you fall back to, if the real schedule of working together for the benefit of the child fails.

So yes, you are suppose to let her have the child from time to time when it is things good for the child,

So you have basically left her no choice but to fight it out in court, instead of trying to be adults and get along for the good of the child.

I will assume there are reasons you got custody instead of her, so that needs to be bought up

I do let her take him when it is beneficial to him or if it something that he wants to do, but that it the only time that she wants to take him. She only takes him if there is some sort of public event that everyone can see her at and think that she is a good mom. Every other day she says that it is not worth driving to my house. So in reply to your rude comment, I am not trying to spite her.
Anyway, I do have paperwork about the false police report, but I don't know how to get paperwork pertaining to the child protective service reports. We have papers saying that the claims were fasle and they we do not need their services, but not saying that she was the one that called. The case worker told us right out that it was her and that we might want to look into pressing charges because she calls them repeatedly on us. These calls are supposed to be confidential. Is there anyway to get something proving that it was her?
Thanks

Even if child protective services knows who the caller is/was they should not have told you this information as it should have been kept confidential. You can call up and remain annonmous and call up as many times as you want to. Yes, I've been told that by several different workers that came to my home on alleged charges about my son when he was little and had to deal with my nutcase neighbor calling in all sorts of outlandish allegations. The agency is supposed to send out a worker to investigate the charges whether they are true or not. It's their job to do this. You should not have been told this information by the worker as it in place to protect the callers identity in the instance where there is a real allegation that is proven true. As far as filing charges, no such luck. It would be different if it was a police report that was falsified, but a child protective report is a totally different matter. You may try filing charges on the false police report. You could get somewhere with that.

I wouldn't even begin to subpoena the worker who told you she was the caller either as the worker will probably lose her job over this disclosure to you.

You have the paperwork showing that the charges were unfounded. That should be sufficient.

What does your attorney say about this entire scenerio? I hope you are not going into court without one.

Is there a guardian ad litem assigned to the case?

They would evaluate both sides, as we are only getting your side of the story right now, and give a recommendation to the court for custody.

Apparently joint custody is not working for both parties, so she has the right to bring it to a judge to decide custody. It will hopefully end a child stuck in between petty arguments.

You said the child has been going to the same school for four years.
That would make him about 8 or 9, right? That's a close age for the judge to listen to what he wants, but they will probably still talk to him.

From what you posted, you are the custodial parent, yet you said she thinks she will get MORE child support? Is she getting support now or does she think you will have to pay more than she is?

But based on the circumstances, it takes an awful lot for a change in custodial parentage. She would really have to prove you unfit as a parent to get a change made.

I agree you should go into this with an attorney. You should have you proofs ready, but I think the onus of justifying a change will be on her.

I knew I should have never posted this question. I bet a lot of the comments would be different if I was the mother and asking the same question! The fact is his mother is a complete dead beat that wanted nothing to do with our child for 3 years and now all of a sudden wants custody so that she can sit home and collect child support but I guess that is OK because she is the mother and I am just a measly father. People are so close minded that it makes me sick.

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Originally Posted by AGGRAVATED

I knew I should have never posted this question. I bet a lot of the comments would be different if I was the mother and asking the same question!! The fact is his mother is a complete dead beat that wanted nothing to do with our child for 3 years and now all of a sudden wants custody so that she can sit home and collect child support but I guess that is ok because she is the mother and I am just a measly father. People are so close minded that it makes me sick.

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Excuse me? What could have justified that off that wall rant? I went back and read through the thread. I don't see ANYTHING that was said that had anything to do with the gender of the custodial parent. Except maybe some confusion based on your wording. Even Fr_Chucks remarks were gender neutral. His remarks could bear no matter which parent was custodial.

For the most part, the responses you got were supportive of you retaining custody. What is it today, this is the third thread I've had to deal with today where the OP attacked people trying to help.

We are so close minded for recommending attorneys.

A judge is going to hear all the facts from both sides and make a decision. There are going to be two-sides presented. Present that she is a 'dead-beat' accurately then a judge will see it.

I don't understand your hostility, I am a father going through a circumstance with some similarites and all these posts were good advice. I would LOVE to be able to walk into court with what you have, but I wouldn't walk in without an attorney, and you have to remember the judge will hear both sides, not just yours, no matter how strong a case you think you have. Your response was not merited to the advice you have received here, merely because it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

It has nothing to do with me not getting the replies that I want. I am being told that I don't do what is best for my child, I do things to spite my ex, I gave her no choice but to take me to court, and that I am putting my child in the middle of petty arguments. This is all complete nonsense. SHE DOES NOT BOTHER WITH HIM! I apologize to the people that were not being judgmental and thank you for your help and suggestions.

If joint custody is not working, then this is her option, just as it is yours.

Your child is in the middle! It's unfortunate that you do not see that. Whether that be your fault or hers doesn't matter. Joint custody that isn't working puts the child in the middle.

That wasn't judging you or her, just the situation.

A GAL will evaluate and determine all factors and focus on what is best for the child.

I understand that my child is in the middle of an ugly situation, but he is not in the middle of arguments. There are no arguments. She does not even bother trying to talk to me. She doesn't show up on her days to pick him up and that is that. There are no calls saying that she isn't coming. She just don't show up. I let her take him on my days if it is something that is beneficial to him. I told her no about 3 weeks ago because I had plans with my son and this is what happened. She refuses to try to talk. She went right to her lawyer and filed for custody. We did have a GAL that suggested that we keep the custody just as it is and she refused to agree with that, so now it is going to trial.

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Originally Posted by AGGRAVATED

It has nothing to do with me not getting the replies that I want. I am being told that I don't do what is best for my child, i do things to spite my ex, I gave her no choice but to take me to court, and that I am putting my child in the middle of petty arguments. This is all complete nonsense. SHE DOES NOT BOTHER WITH HIM!! I apologize to the people that were not being judgmental and thank you for your help and suggestions.

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This is a bit more understandable. Your initial rant was focused on gender bias and there was none of that.

But even this rant was not totally justifiable. I don't see a lot of what you complain about in the responses, theough there is a germ of it. But I have to wonder why you were so quick to take offense.

Well then have your facts in hand, including a calendar of all the days she has not picked up the child.

Go to trial with facts, if you cannot communicate verbally, start communicating through email. Then you will have proof that she does not respond. The person that can win this for you is you. The answer is document, document, document.

If you tell a GAL that joint custody is not working and no longer an option he should make a different recommendation to the court or enforce joint parenting classes.

Good luck to you, but in Family Law, leaving your emotions at the door is a great benefit.

There were a lot of replies that I appreciate and agree with and I am thankful for those replies, but what people don't understand is that I am willing to work with her and she wants no part of it. She wants all or nothing and that is not good for anyone. Of course I am going to get defensive when I am being told that I am not doing what is in the best interest of my child. I am the one that raised him. I would do anything for him.

I apologize that you found my comment offensive, it wasn't meant to be.

I was not saying that you were not doing what is in the best interest of the child.

Just that she will have rights also.

The more you show that you are flexible and she shows she is not, the better the outcome will be for you.

Justwantfair,
Thank you very much for your advice. I have tried to communicate through email and she changed her email address so that I can't contact her. I do have all of the days that she didn't pick him up and I plan on taking them to court. Since she didn't agree to what the GAL suggested, it is now in the hands of a judge to decide. I'm not sure if all states work the same way, but in Pennsylvania when you take a custody case to court all members of the family now have to go through a psychiatric evaluation, including the children in both homes. I just think that this is a whole lot for children to have to go through. This is where a lot of my anger and frustration comes from and I sincerely apologize, but I am just so disgusted with the whole situation.
Thanks again for all of your help.