Ask Me Help Desk - No Orgasm now No Sex

I am 23 year old Woman and never had an orgasm, I am aware this is unfortunate but can happen.

I have been with my current partner for 2 years and he is very good about this.

In prev relationships I have faked orgasms as I thought just it was easier when I finally felt comfortable to explain I had never experienced one it has been reacted to differently my first boyfriend of 6 years was upset id faked it for so long (3years) and quite disappointed in me asked me to never lie to him about things like that again I understood this reaction but when I didn't orgasm or fake it he became upset and after a few months of this the questions started Am I not good enough? Am I not doing it right? Do you need to see a doctor? Etc etc.

My second boyfriend of 1 year when he found out just ignored id ever told him and we ended in a massive argument if I didn't fake it so gave up and faked it every time he knew I was doing this but apparently enjoyed it never the less.

As I said earlier my current boyfriend is amazing tells me all the time how he has heard of it all the time and for me to try and relax enjoy the moment etc and if it happen it happens which is all very nice he also has asked me to be honest and not fake it however as its been about 8 months since I've told him he now seem disappointed after sex each time that I have not each.

For me? I enjoy sex oral etc and am very open to new things I have tried toys clitoral pleasure and masturbating none of these have given me an orgasm. I have a massive build up then nothing it just ends its not amazing or a nice feeling just stops leaving me extremely fustrated.

The problem I'm facing now is the guy I'm with now is the best in bed I have experience he is gentle kind and really really good at everything sexual ten times better than anyone I have been with before he is great at getting me to the breaking point within minutes which is a lot more than any others have achieved but all this means is I'm left feeling even more fustrating to the point of crying after sex nearly every time I can't even imagine how this must feel to him. The fact is it gets too much for me I've gone completely of sex I'm not interested in having such nice feeling to have such utter disappointment afterwards. It his not his fault so I still give pleasure to him most nights and occasionally I will still have sex with him but I try my best to make it end as soon as possible I'm scared eventually this will break us up as I know he started to feel unwanted what should I do??

Learn to masturbate YOURSELF to orgasm.

If YOU can't please you, how the heck can you teach anyone else to please you?

I do masterbate and again love the sensation and build up but just stops again I have tried everything I can think of to have a orgasm and given up with the fact I just can't have them.

No... you just haven't learned that the orgasm isn't the goal.

Seriously.

The more you think about it, the harder you try to reach it, the more elusive it will be.

You need to RELAX, and just enjoy the sensations you've got, rather than pushing towards a "goal" of an orgasm.

Orgasm isn't just about physical feeling, it is also about state of mind.

Thank you for your responses but I really have tried to relax gone into expecting nothing or the oppersite gone in with a posistive mind set and expected that I would neither worked as I said I am pretty certain I will never orgaism and there are people who just can't but what can I do to improve my sex drive? I know its going to be dissapointing so I just don't want to do it I have also stopped masterbating for over 8 months and don't miss either?

So you've been having regular sex since you was 14 based on your numbers. Been faking it all along.

You've developed a habit that's going to take a bit of time to unlearn.

You are

#1 going to have to learn to unfocus on the orgasm you so despirately want. That works against your goals.

#2 going to have to learn how to masturbate in private so you can relearn your own body. As Synnen commented, If you can't do it for yourself, how can you expect someone else to do it for you.

#3 Once you learn yourself... THEN you can proceed to familiarize HIM with all your buttons. Since he will have to learn all over again because nothing you indicated before was correct. Most guys care about your pleasure. But they need a correct roadmap to find their way around town until they learn all the streets.

Do those and you can get back on track. Its not going to happen overnight... but stay optimistic and not push for results right now and you will most likely get there.

Are you on birth control pills? Sometimes doctors prescribe a pill without testing the patient's hormone levels. I would go to a doctor who specializes in bio-identical hormones and treats women of all ages who have sexual disfunctions and not just post-menopausal. Birth control pills cause excess estrogen levels to prevent pregnancy but a side effect of too much is loss of sex drive. A proper balance along with additional testosterone therapy may be all it takes to take you over the top to have an orgasm.

Wow thank you MR EASY, that was fantastic advice I will def look into this I have been on some sort of birth control since my sex life started at 16 (im nearly 24 and for first year or so not sexually active with first boyfriend) first I was on the pill started this before had sex or mastibated for the first time then had coil fitted when I was 20 had that removed aftre 6 months awfull expierance and went straight back on same pill as before so you may have a very good point never even thought about that thanks so much

You're welcome. I managed a natural health products company and we had a sister company that specialized in natural hormone products. They helped women balance their hormones and birth control pills were the number thing that caused most of the problems. In recent years there have been more OB/GYN's specializing in bio-identical hormones. If you can't find one, search for a compounding pharmacist. They could tell you which doctors prescribe custom compounding for hormone balance.
Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by saffron2903

wow thank you MR EASY, that was fantastic advice i will def look into this i have been on some sort of birth control since my sex life started at 16 (im nearly 24 and for first year or so not sexually active with first boyfriend) first i was on the pill started this before had sex or mastibated for the first time then had coil fitted when i was 20 had that removed aftre 6 months awfull expierance and went straight back on same pill as before so you may have a very good point never even thought about that thanks so much

He is DEFINITELY right... hormone levels in women fluctuate and need to be balanced and tested at LEAST once a year... even at a young age... if your hormones are out of balance, lack of sex drive is just one of the many problems you can face... depression, weight gain, lack of energy, lack of EVERYTHING exciting in your life... I went through 10,000 (just an exaggeration) doctors to find the right one... you would do well by reading one of Suzanne Somer's books... yes, Suzanne Somers... she knows and experienced un-balanced hormones, did the research and told the world what she found... she Literally saved my life... it was on her blog that I discovered what was making me mentally off... and I mean MENTALLY off... my doctors were over-dosing me on just ONE hormone... once I found out what the problem was, FINALLY found a doctor that studied Wellness and Longevity, (hormones and getting the body back to its' normal state) I came back mentally stronger and happier than ever... and my libido is raging like it did when I was young... My hat is off to Mr Easy... he knows...

IWho, her book, The Sexy Years, did countless women a big favor by helping them understand what was causing their problems. Excessive estrogen can cause all those bad side effects you mentioned and more. After working with members of the sister company I could look at a woman and know if she was estrogen dominant or not.
I'm glad to hear that you got the help you needed and you're doing so well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrEasy

IWho, her book, The Sexy Years, did countless women a big favor by helping them understand what was causing their problems. Excessive estrogen can cause all those bad side effects you mentioned and more. After working with members of the sister company I could look at a woman and know if she was estrogen dominant or not.
I'm glad to hear that you got the help you needed and you're doing so well.

And I'm glad to finally meet someone who knows about this and shares the knowledge... I didn't put two and two together when I read the problem above... so glad YOU did... :D

It is just so sad that so many doctors prescribe a "one size fits all" birth control prescription without proper testing to match the patient's needs. These poor women end up with headaches, mood swings, heavy periods, painful cramping, fibroids and sexual dysfunctions, loss of sex drive, no orgasm and have no idea what is wrong. They can't understand why they're on diets and can't lose weight. Hopefully, we can get the word out and help them understand what is causing so many problems.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrEasy

It is just so sad that so many doctors prescribe a "one size fits all" birth control prescription without proper testing to match the patient's needs. These poor women end up with headaches, mood swings, heavy periods, painful cramping, fibroids and sexual dysfunctions, loss of sex drive, no orgasm and have no idea what is wrong. They can't understand why they're on diets and can't lose weight. Hopefully, we can get the word out and help them understand what is causing so many problems.

And then unfortunately, the men in their lives don't understand why the woman goes on this roller coaster ride, cries for no reason, gets angry, has no libido, etc, etc, etc... makes me want to scream... it took me a YEAR to find the right doctor... and I have to drive 120 miles ONE-WAY to see him...
:eek:

Hi Just thought id give an update, I have spoken to a couple of doctors regards to this found out I have polystitic overys and not producing a certain hormone aparently this means I have to be on some sort of concereptive so I can get the hormone I explained have been pill coil pill again never off them but told same thing stay on the one I'm on now I'm seeking other doctors to help with my hormones hopefully this will be the answer thanks again for all the wise advice