I am enrolled in a graduate level career training program and am doing very well in that program (straight As). The Dean of the program, however, is a very difficult person in my limited experience with her. She filled in for one of my instructors in a class, and previously the instructor advised me to share a concern about the text for the course with her, as the Dean is responsible for selecting text-books and this one had truly been very problematic.
A concern very similar to that which had been cropping up all semester (errors in the instructions for homework, primarly) came up related to the Dean's in-class assignment. The results of the assignment were aweful - we broke up into groups, worked on this assignment trying to follow the really bad directions, and in so doing, none of us got into the same zip code with a reasonable answer and the exercise was a ridiculous waste of time.
At any rate, the class atmosphere was very casual - Saturday morning, everyone on a first name basis, lots of personal conversation (including the Dean) and I felt comfortable in that atmosphere in sharing with the Dean that similar problems with instructions were very common in the text, and I was finding it most frustrating. I shared that I found that there were so many errors in the book, it was becoming a difficult distraction and obstructing my learning process in the class.
She was very offended by my criticism of the book and twisted what I said into some perceived personal attack on herself and everyone who chose the book to start with, which of course it wasn't. I explained that I meant no offense to anyone, and was only saying the book had some errors pertaining to homework assignments, that it had been openly discussed in previous class sessions, and that I simply thought she'd want to know but of course, I didn't expect her to necessarily agree with me.
She would not accept my explanation, and began to personally attack me, suggesting I was in the wrong program, telling me I was ridiculous, saying I was immature and so on. In fact, I was respectful of her but only after she began insulting me, I likely was not very good at hiding the fact that I was offended and very irritated with her for speaking to me that way in front of all of my adult classmates. We're like, all in our forties!
Anyway, I couldn't end the discussion so I politely excused myself saying, "I'm sorry I brought the matter up in class - please know I didn't expect it would upset you so much, or I would not have mentioned it. I should have talked to you privately. At any rate, I'm sorry for taking up class time and I think perhaps I should just excuse myself at this point. No offense, I just don't want to disrupt the class any further". And, I left. I did not storm out or anything, I just left like a grown-up.
Later I sent an email to the dean reiterating my apology, and also explaining why I became so upset with her, stating that the personal comments she made about me shocked me and that I felt they were inappropriate, but that I was willing to forget about the whole thing and move on. I complimented her many achievements on our behalf in the program, as well, and shared that I hoped this one disagreement would not give the impression that I was generally unhappy with the program.
Some time later she refused my application to do an internship based on "my behavior" in that class. She offered to meet with me so that I could "prove" that I was a better person than she thought (in other words, to apologize and grovel some more). I knew that I was at my limits with this person - frankly, I feel she was in the wrong, I was not. I apologized anyway - several times, to both her and the entire class. I feared that if I met with her, she might be similarly abusive, and I might say too much in response.
So, I wrote her to say that I felt too much had been said already, I hoped she would accept my earlier apologies, but that I didn't feel we should meet again to discuss the matter, and as such, would remove my request for an internship from the table.
I've now learned she's heard about some jobs I applied for through the grapevine, and told a potential employer not to hire me. I lost the job as a direct result of this bad mouthing. What should I do to muzzle this individual so I can get a job?
