 |
I just found out my son who is 31 is huffing. Tried to get him to go and talk to someone who can help him, but he won't go. Any suggestions how to talk him into going? He is very intelligent. I worry about him but I can't force him to do anything.
Lynn
Go find out reach programs that can help you understand it better.
Do research and then you will be better prepared to deal with the storm ahead. You can't change him, but you can change yourself. So look up any and every program that is out there offering to give you information, councel and any other help.
Good luck.
You say he's intelligent? Well, if he keeps huffing he's definitely going to lose a LOT of brain cells and also get irreversible kidney and/or liver damage.
Why would he huff? And what is he huffing?
Can you tell us what his drug history is, and if there have been major problems in the past with substance abuse.
How did you find out, and what are his circumstances. Does he live at home?
Are there mental health issues here that have been assessed and diagnosed?
More information on the history of this man will give us a better idea of what's going on and why.
Thanks.
Yes huffing is more of a teen thing, not a adult has he had previous drug issues but perhaps money issues getting those drugs now
Dear Lynn,
This may sound harsh but I've read about and talked to others who have tried to "help" their family members deal with these sorts of things. Unfortunately, the only way to help to to let them fall, and fall till they get the idea that they need to get better. As the christians say, "God helps those who help them selves." This I realized, after living with family who are addicts, is the cold hard truth.
I don't like it any more than you people, but unless they find it with in themselves there is no need to try; Less we become enablers. Best to wait, and give aid at their lowest when they may come to their senses.
Peace be with us all.
I am afraid he is going to die before he falls to the point he realizes he needs help.I know we can't help him if he isn't ready but what should we do in the meantime?Quote:
Originally Posted by Nestorian
Lynn
p.s. thank you for your reply
The simple fact is there is NOTHING you can do. If you had the money and resourses you hire an attorney who would find a way to perhaps have him committed for mental health evaluation, but even then, unless he is considered a danger to hisself they won't keep him
So you don't give them any money, don't provide a place to stay, you let them hit bottom, sleeping on the street if that is where they end up
Have you ever seen through a blue lens? A documentary on drug addicts on the streets of vancouver, mad by the RCMP who patroled there. Its cold, hard, and true. Some will save themselves after years and years of slef destruction, and some will die. Then there are those who will pull themselves out, only to get dragged back in later in life. It's sad but, if any one becomes an addict, they essencially are nothing more than mindless Zombies walking the earth in search of their next victom (fix).Quote:
Originally Posted by lhall1955
These are the people who are dead to us, because we can't save them, they have to realize they are the only one's who can save them. When it gets so bad that the perosn you knew is gone, you long for them, but all you get is a shadow creature, or some one possessed by a deomon so much so that it nearly entirely has crushed the soul of whom ever once did occupy that body.
I know of many like this, and some apart of my family. Tho, theirs is a much slower decent into the dark abyss I call, mental degeneration. See they like ALcohol, which is a much milder drug, but nonetheless just as destructive, and is a mind killer.
I'm like you, trying to figure out what I should do. Save them from suicide attempts, reckless driving, poor money management, asking for hand outs, and why should I try to help them by enabeling them? No, until they can give up the drug/addiction, they are not the people I love, but shadows. Like wraiths in the night standing before me, all I see in them is pain. You and I, as hard as it is, must learn to let go of them before we become consumed by their poor choices.
Be strong, and focused. You can't help those who don't help themselves.
Peace be with you.
P.S. Sorry if that was over dramatic, or too much about me, but I figure you'd take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Take care of yourself, OK.
I am not sure what all he has done. He is unemployed just since January. He is renting an apartment from his Dad 40 miles from wher I live. His Dad locked him out of his apartment after he foun 71 cans of Dust Remover in his apartment. He has been pulled over by the State Police once and arrested in a parking lot for inhaling.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake2008
He is staying with my husband and I since Friday. He told me this morning he hasn't done anything since Friday. But tonight I found a slip that he bought 2 cans last night.
What am I to do?
Thanks for replying
I am sorry you are going through this. It is a terrible stress, and a very dangerous situation.
While booting him out, and letting him hit rock bottom until he realizes that he has to help himself is one option, it is not one I recommend until all avenues have first been exhausted.
This doesn't take a lot of time, but the immediacy here is producing red flags and alarm bells all over the place, and it's time to get moving.
Call your family doctor or medical clinic for a referral to the nearest addiction treatment facility, or counselling service. If your son is willing, make an appointment for him to be assessed and tested, with a complete physical. Provide all the information you can on what he CAN do, and offer to make the appointments, and go with him.
As long as he's trying, and getting help, please don't abandon him. Once you have provided information, made suggestions, and helped him by making appointments, and he still refuses to follow medical advice, then you have some tough decisions to make. Boundaries must be set. You have every right to expect that he will follow through.
Your conscience will at least be clear if you do that much. Enlist the help of his father, and between the two of you, agree on a plan of action.
Tell him that he is out of options, and he must accept help, and come to the conclusion that he will not be allowed to live in your home, or be bailed out, or supported by you, until he takes steps to start on the road to becoming clean and productive again.
I am not concerned that because of his age, he should not be helped, and I don't think that under these extreme circumstances, that he should just be booted.
All I can tell you is that there is hope, and there is help available, seek it out, and insist that he needs to comply. Failure to do that is another ballgame, but let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Please post on what you've done, and how you're coping.
He won't agree to seek help at this point. He says he doesn't need help. I think I am going to make him start paying for every day he lives here. And tell him this can not be a permanent arrangement. He needs to figure out what he is going to do and where he is going to go. Thanks for replying
That seems like a harsh thing to do, but he won't realize he needs help until he realizes no one will support him while he is destroying himself.Quote:
Originally Posted by lhall1955
Be strong, and good luck.
As an alcoholic/addict in recovery, I disagree with the comment that there is NOTHING you can do. If not you then who? There needs to be an intervention of some sort.NOW. Show him the results on the brain, liver, lungs, kidneys, basically every organ in the body from deep inhalation of these harsh chemicals. Let him understand the pain he is causing the loved ones in his life. Don't wait until your standing around at his funeral saying " I should have done more". Get him to realize that he is GOING TO DIE if he keeps on with this addiction. Get him to a detox center/psychiatric ward ASAP. I'm lucky I didn't kill my liver with the combination of alcohol and painkillers , actually amazed. I owe it to my wife to help me see the real damage I was causing. I always said " I only abused the drugs and alcohol, not my wife and kids" but what a lie that was. A drug/alcohol addition is like throwing a rock in a pond, the ripples go in every direction. I'm clean and sober today because I needed help seeing the damage I was causing. That and my devotion to our LORD Jesus Christ. For yourself, in the meanwhile, I highly recommend going to the next available Al-anon or Nar-anon meeting( it's for family members of alcoholics and addicts)they're worldwide and anonymous. GOD bless you.
Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Relocate
You helped you self brother, only you can reason yourself out of a situation that you reasoned yourself into. You had to accept the help of others, you had to make the choice, you had to do the work, see the pain and empathise with others how it was affecting them. As I suggestted to her, go to out-reach programs, that includes such things as AA, NA, and a large number of other government funded agencies, they are out there, though they can be hard to find.Quote:
Originally Posted by jmjoseph
Still, her son must choose for himself. She can tell him all she wants how much it hurts, and what it is doing to his health, but if he doesn't care, then she would be best to let him find out the hard way. As I"ve said, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it."-Unknown.
So to answer your question, "If not you then who?": Him, he must save him self. As I've heard a million times before form various christians who told me, "Helping people can easily be twised into "Enabaling". God helps those who help them selves."
Felt I should clear myself up, and explain why it is important to help, but only when the person is willing to help themselves. Other wise you are taking resonsiblity for others actions, and that will only lead to madness.
Peace and kindness be with you.
Make no mistake, this is unfortunately not an exact science, nor do I claim to have the best answers, but a 31 year old who is "huffing" dozens of cans of dust remover can't think clearly enough to see where he's gotten to, and in MY opinion has bottomed out already. I have two young sons and can't imagine letting something like this progress any further. I had to hit bottom too like you said. People have different levels, like an elevator in a high rise, it doesn't necessarily have to be in the basement to break down.I agree about the enabling part, but we're not talking about smoking some weed, or drinking a few beers.Peace be with us all, and may GOD bless this family.
Indeed. Unfortunately, the desition is theirs. Giving shelter/food/clothes and other necessities is enabaling, as they then can use their money, how ever they obtain it, to buy more what ever they choose to, or more to the point they may just start steeling it.Quote:
Originally Posted by jmjoseph
It's sad, and feel free to deal with it as you see fit, but remember, if you fail you only fail yourself and I suspect not for the reasons you'd think. On the other hand, you still tried.
"Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on."- led-Zeppelin Stairway to heaven.
Lynn,Quote:
Originally Posted by lhall1955
A friend of our family..
His name was lets say "pete" the painter...
He was painting our house one day and one of the kids caught him
Inhaling paint thinner
He denied it...
Well it is sad to see someone do this...
It causes severe brain damage over time and will cause permanet damage if not stopped
Try calling an addiction hotline or doing a intervention to stop this immediately before it is too late...
Pete the painter did...
He takes meds now but he is paint thinner free
My boyfriend is having a similar problem. And I know how hurtful it can be. What helps me and him both is reading the Bible and praying. Since we have started doing that, he has realized that his huffing is really not what God has planned for his life. And that he is ruining not only our relationship, but his relationship with others. I look for the signs and triggers that make him want to huff, and help him through them. We also do more activities together to take up a lot of his free time. I know that if he is with me then he isn't out doing something else. I hope this helped, and you guys will definitely be in my boyfriends and I prayers.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:55 AM. |