I have a boyfriend of two years and I believe that he may be the one I would love to spend the rest of my life with. Just recently he came to me and stated he believes he has a drinking problem and wants to quit drinking and attend AA meetings to help him. My problem is that I am only 23 years old and I am not ready for that kind of responsibility so to speak. I am not ready to stop drinking and quit partying. I know that he will be the one stopping all of this but I feel I shouldn't be getting drunk and having fun at a party drinking while he can't even have one beer. I'm not sure how I should act with all of this? I want to be there for him but how can I if I'm drinking? I want to be with him but at the same time I don't want to be with him because I want to have a boyfriend that can drink and party with me! Am I just being a jackass for feeling like this?

No I'ts just what you've been conditioned to believe, or think. Like brain washing as the rest of us have been, all of us are. Comercials are the means, and various other advertisements, even the music/movies/games/T.V./and just about everything is trying to get us to want more.

When is enough enough?

Ok, you won't like what I'm about to say, so please forgive my disregaurd for other peoples feelings about this.

Alcohol is very dangerous to people. As it alters our thinking and blinds us to the reality of our circumstances. There have been many studies and apparently too much too drink now means, more than one drink in an hour, or more than 4-5 in a night. Some people say well it's not like I do it every day, I only do it on the weekends. Yes, this type of alcoholism is called "binge drinking". Very hard on your system, and aparently you'd be better off drinking one drink a day, so your body can cope with the alcohol. YouTube - Binge Drinking

Now, Alcohol and the brain. After you exceed so much alcohol you get a "buzz", this is your body telling you it can't handle any more and "you are poisoning" it. Your systems start to fail, and so you get that funny feeling, a "buzz". Then you feel loose and relaxed, this is your brain being attacked. Your natural inhibitory brain function is turned either way down or off, depending upon how much you have had to drink, and so you start to do things you normally wouldn't. Pretty much the rules of life are being blocked and forgoten. As we keep drinking, the higher rational/intelectual brain, the cerebral cortex begins to fail and we pretty much become animals, or at the very more cave men. YouTube - Alcohol vs Brain (documentary) - Part 1 This may have good info for you, I suggest you look for the second part too it, I think there is 3 in toatal.

So onto something I've simply gathered on my own. Our brains do produce new brain cells to replace the ones we loose, however, the new cells do not have the info the ones we killed off while drinking did. This is just my theory, logically deducting the ansewres based upon my knowledge of how the brain works, and the knowledge I have on how alcohol affects the brain. Pretty much getting drunk is a self stupidifying act. It's like saying I don't want to be intelegent, I want to be mentally challenged. Sad but so very true.

We loose control of ourselves and have "fun" with total disregaurd for others, ourselves, and the consequences of our actions. It's up to you, do you want to keep playing at a game where you willingly make yourself like a MS patient, or a clinically mentally retarded person? You could drink less and be more "responsible" and drink only small amounts or none at all. Either way, the responsibility is on your head as it stands, why not open your eyes and accept it?

Every time you drink you put yourself at risk for any number of foolish insidences. For example something as harmless as drinking form some one else's cup can get you killed or very very sick. Herpes, can be contraced through this porcess whether there is an open cole sore is present on the lip or not. This info I gathered from the Merck manual of medical information. If there is an open sore on some one with Syphillis and it's in their mouth, or more to the point on their genitallia and they rubb it; how much you want to bet they own notice, as their sensory system is not capable of sending messages to the brain? This means all they have to do is touch you, or something else and when you touch it, well as long as there is just a bit of the clear discharge from the (ulcer) open sore, you can contract Syphillis. I'm unsure as of yet whether you can contract it through the skin, but the Merck manual of medical information seems to indicate that you can.

Keep all this in mind, do you ever think of it while you are out? The odds are small, but just waiting for you to make one drunken mistake. I believe the question you should be asking is, Can you forgive yourself if you did get sick or died because you'd been drinking?

As for your BF, why not try new avenues of excitement, and explore other ways to have fun? There is a big old world out there and if you started to look at it, you'd be amazed at it's depth and interesting features.

I appologise again for any harshness. I am not exempt from this cold harsh truth, as I too drink. However I keep it to one drink an hour, and no more than 5 a night. I must be more watchful as I take meds to keep my mood balanced as it is, so I also must be mindful of that as well. If I feel funny I simply quite and switch to water. I understand how hard it is to find people to have fun with out drinking being involved.

I hope that helps, if not, ask more questions, I've more info for you. Take care at anny rate.

To add to the effects of long term alcoholic behavours, this web site may show you just how painful it is to "party/have fun".
Alcohol Dementia

As my sister took a course that revealed the long term use of alcohol, I'm talking months of four drinks a day habbits or simply binge drinking, can cause much organ damage. The most important of which may very well be your brain. As a result, you are increasing the risk of such illness as Dementia as well as Mood disorders.

Alcohol Poisoning

Different sources say different things on how much alcohol people can handle. That is up to you to try and figure out between the lines.

There are some who say there is benafits to drinking, and yes there are; however, they are very minumal and there are healthier ways of acquiring these benafits. Proper management of ones diet for one, and regular exercise. Alcohol is benaficial, but not enough to make it wroth consuming as a means to be healthy.

So take all of that in to consideration when making your choice.

May peace and kindness be with you.

You're right... you can't be there for him and drink at the same time.

If he's having trouble with alcohol, I commend him for stopping and attending AA. You seem to be not ready to really be there for him as your partying days are not over.

It's not unusual for young couples to come to a crossroads that spells the end for their relationship. It happens.

It's not that you're a jerk but you're not ready to settle down or settle into a sober lifestyle. You're only 23 once.

On the other hand he needs to take care of himself and address whatever issues/problems he's having.

Neither one of you are wrong and if either of you gave up what you need to do at this juncture in your life would just lead to resentments.

It sounds to me like you may need to come to an arrangement where you go out once a week with your friends and don't expect him to be there and he goes to meetings and doesn't expect you to give up drinking entirely (except around him).

And if that doesn't work and your relationship ends, honor the differences and make it an amicable parting. It sounds like it's just a matter of growing in different directions.

Susan thank you for your input as for Nestorian, what the hell are you talking about? You have said nothing about my topic and question at all. Did you not even read my question?

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Originally Posted by lovemydoodle2

susan thank you for your input as for Nestorian, what the hell are you talking about? you have said nothing about my topic and question at all. did you not even read my question?

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I gave you information on the facts about Alcohol. I leave it up to you to see the wisdom in my words, if you can not, then you are not ready for it. That is all. There is nothing wrong with that.

And yes I did read your question, and I would tell you what to do with your sistuation, but I felt it to be better to inform you so you can make your decision wisely. After all, you are the one responsible for your actions.

Forgive me, as I have said before, I mean no offence. As you asked,
"I'm not sure how i should act with all of this?"
How you act is up to you. As i try to point out here, "No I'ts just what you've been conditioned to believe, or think. Like brain washing as the rest of us have been, all of us are."- Nestorian This statment was to answer how you should act, then I asked, "When is enough enough?" This was a question directed at you, to see what you think of my answer. I see you do not like it, and I knew you wouldn't. Fair enough.

I want to be there for him but how can i if im (or) drinking?
Kind of answered your own question there eh? I know what it's like trying to live with some one who is a drinker, when you are not. I try to separate myself form them when ever they are drinking, and I find them painful site, the same was true with many of my old friends.

I want to be with him but at the same time i don't want to be with him becuase i want to have a boyfriend that can drink and party with me! Am i just being a jackass for feeling like this?

Only you know the answer to that, our opinions on the matter are subject to your description of your situation. That is why I sent you all that information, to learn, and be informed. Take control of your life as it is yours.

I wish you nothing but peace and kindness, and most of all Wisdom.

Nestorian gave you a very good answer but one you don't want to hear. Susangpyp also gave you good advice.
You can go out an party without alcohol no matter what others are consuming.
I see this was posted in May, are you still seeing your boyfriend?
Did you change your life style to help him?
Jehda