Ask Me Help Desk - How do I get rid of sexual desires towards my male friend?

Lately I have been pretty much in constant "heat" over the thoughts of my male friend. I can't seem to stop thinking of wanting to have sex with him. We have never had sex, held hands, kissed or anything like that but I want to very badly. I know part of my problem is that I have not had sex for almost 2 years now (before I met my friend) and I am 44. I have Bipolar and I know that this is a common side affect of this disorder but it is getting out of hand. What's worse is that he will be moving in with me at the end of June. I am looking forward to that very much but I am worried about my desires for him, especially since we will be sleeping in the same bed. I do not feel comfortable talking to him about my feelings for him. I know that he does not want to have sex right away. He says he wants to remain friends and let the friendship grow (he told me yesterday that he waited with his last girlfriend for 2-3 years before they consummated their relationship and with his wife it was even longer). I really look forward to having him living with me for companionship and to share household duties, finances, etc. but I worry about my desires. Even when I try not to think about having sex with him, I think about other sexual things I've done in the past. I don't know what to do. Masturbation is out of the question once he moves in as I don't want to "get caught". I also don't want to see anyone in person because I am rather embarrassed about this situation. I also don't want to go on more medication for it as I am on A LOT of medication right now. Does ANYONE have any suggestions on what I can do about this PLEASE!! Thank you.

First thing-- why will you two be sleeping in the same bed?

Is this going to be a long-term living arrangement or temporary?

Hmm...interesting situation. Here's my opinion:

Come right out and tell him about your feelings. You cannot control your emotions, only your actions (it's difficult, I know). He might react a few different ways; since there is a lease involved (and you are sharing the same bed, really?) he might become uncomfortable and want to move out. He might not mind the idea. It might be a mixture of the two.

You need to realize that you have to do what is best for you. Are you willing to be miserable living with this person, even though he is a great guy? Holding back on this now will just make things harder in the long run.

I also must question your decision to move in and share a bed. Are you really just friends? Think about it.

~ Tee

I have an incurable sweet tooth.I love sweets ,so in an effort to curb any intake of sweets,I do not even go through the cookie aisle at the store.

Why tempt fate?

Why would you be willing to share a bed with someone who you want to have sex with and can not ?

That sounds like psychological torture.

Prior to moving in ,you should be up front about your feelings or the rooming situation could become very awkward,especially if he does not return your feelings.

You need to get this out in the open before you move in or the result could be the loss of friendship and undue financial hardship,when you find you do not have a roomie any longer.

Thank you everyone for your answers. But I guess looking over what I wrote I forgot to mention a few important pieces of information. First of all, he is moving into MY apartment that I have already. His name will not be on the lease and I am not asking him for any money (long story) I invited him because he wants to get out of where he is living now but is not ready to be out in society by himself. He is new to this area. We will be sharing the bed because I only have 1 bed and when I told him we could share the bed I wasn't having as strong of a sexual desire for him but it seems to be growing. We've decided that we can cuddle and hold hands and lightly kiss but he doesn't want to go any further until we know each other for quite awhile longer. I don't know what to do. I want to have sex. I can't tell him how I feel and I would be soooooo disappointed if he didn't move in. We talk a lot about his moving in and he is just as excited about it as I am. We talk about all the activities that we could be doing such as swimming in the apartment building's swimming pool, etc. but I need to figure out how to get rid of the sexual desires I have towards my friend first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJK1964

Thank you everyone for your answers. But I guess looking over what I wrote I forgot to mention a few important pieces of information. First of all, he is moving into MY apartment that I have already. His name will not be on the lease and I am not asking him for any money (long story) I invited him because he wants to get out of where he is living now but is not ready to be out in society by himself. He is new to this area. We will be sharing the bed because I only have 1 bed and when I told him we could share the bed I wasn't having as strong of a sexual desire for him but it seems to be growing. We've decided that we can cuddle and hold hands and lightly kiss but he doesn't want to go any further until we know each other for quite awhile longer. I don't know what to do. I want to have sex. I can't tell him how I feel and I would be soooooo disappointed if he didn't move in. We talk a lot about his moving in and he is just as excited about it as I am. We talk about all the activities that we could be doing such as swimming in the apartment building's swimming pool, etc. but I need to figure out how to get rid of the sexual desires I have towards my friend first.

You can't just flip a magic switch and turn off your sexual appetite (gosh wouldn't it be nice though!).

You don't need to share a bed. Seriously, you will develop even more feelings for him (and he might as well) and if you haven't sat down and discussed that you wanted a real relationship with him then that's just gonna lead to more problems down the road.

If he wants to cuddle, hold hands, and kiss, then he has some level of interest in you. He sounds like a decent, somewhat conservative guy who has probably been burnt before. If you really want to explore your emotions for each other, moving in together is a bit out of place so early on, but it's worked for some people.

Just make sure that you both want the same things before you jump in too fast.

~ Tee

Quote:

Originally Posted by CJK1964

Thank you everyone for your answers. But I guess looking over what I wrote I forgot to mention a few important pieces of information. First of all, he is moving into MY apartment that I have already. His name will not be on the lease and I am not asking him for any money (long story) I invited him because he wants to get out of where he is living now but is not ready to be out in society by himself. He is new to this area. We will be sharing the bed because I only have 1 bed and when I told him we could share the bed I wasn't having as strong of a sexual desire for him but it seems to be growing. We've decided that we can cuddle and hold hands and lightly kiss but he doesn't want to go any further until we know each other for quite awhile longer. I don't know what to do. I want to have sex. I can't tell him how I feel and I would be soooooo disappointed if he didn't move in. We talk a lot about his moving in and he is just as excited about it as I am. We talk about all the activities that we could be doing such as swimming in the apartment building's swimming pool, etc. but I need to figure out how to get rid of the sexual desires I have towards my friend first.

Maybe if you are busy doing the activities you mentioned,you will be getting rid of some of your pent up sexual energy.

Regarding the inability to masturbate while he is there,you will have bathroom privacy and privacy in your room,I am confidant he would honor that if you request it.

If he is willing to kiss and cuddle and sleep with you,I would not be surprised in the least if very soon ,you are getting your sexual desires answered.

If he is human ,he will succumb to his own desires eventually. Play it by ear and don't rush him,you might just scare him off :)

If you can't use the "Love" word, try discussing your feelings in the context of fantasies that you each have. Let him start, just ask what he likes. Don't come on to him but let him know that cuddling, kissing, and whatnot get you worked up. He may back off but then again he may realize you're ready for the next step.

Turn desire off? No such thing.