There is so much here I don't even know where to start

I was dating an ex model who was in all ways model looking.

Problem is she was very insecure about her looks and brains and weight. When I met her, I noticed these traits and I had some reservations about seriously dating her, but I think we both entered the infatuation stage hardcore and we both went with it. And besides, she was beautiful, and I thought she was worth the risk. She was amazing when her mood was right, but could be hateful and negative and really *****y.

She moved shortly after we met to another city and took a job. I expressed my concerns with starting a long distance relationship like this so soon after meeting so we had a few nice discussions, and we both agreed we'd give it a shot. I would travel to her city (a better one) and visit her once a month or so.

Well, problem was that she would call me ALL the time; this went on for months. She would call me all the time, and I would call back as soon as possible. She would want to be on the phone with me from the minute she got off work to the time she went to sleep. Eventually she wanted me to call her at her desk at work every day, and she would call me from work every day.

And we really could just talk and talk and talk. There were a few times when we were on the phone for 12 hours at a time. No ****. It truly seemed like something remarkable. And we were intensely attracted to one another, and had a great time together. Eventually, the Love word was exchanged and we started to talk about the future. This was probably in month three.

Some how, though, the niceness wore off on her end, and she started to be come extremely critical of me. At first, I would "argue" back at her comments, then, after her saying some stuff about "that's just how she was, and she admitted she was moody" and a man should be able to take it with out getting mad back. Now, I must admit that part of my motive of arguing back was because I didn't want her to "step all over me." She would talk about other guys hitting on her, she would talk about all her stresses, but when she did she would YELL and often YELL at me. This soon passed, and after a few visits to her new city -- one ten days long, and some great sex, we seemed to be punching threw to new levels.

Now, currently, I am not saint either. I just moved back to my area from across the country before I met her, I was intending on attening a graduate program, but decided not to enroll this year, then spent some time looking for work while I am preparing school apps. So in the beginning, brought all these concerns to her, and she kind thought that it didn't matter, we would "figure things out" together. Sounded good to me.


Things began to take a **** shortly after we spent 10 days together. Because of some travel, and a new job, I had developed an erractic sleep scheduedling and I wasn't always available to take ALL her calls. This ****ing pissed her off, and she started to complain about how I didn't care about her (this is a contining theme) how I didn't want the relationship as much as she did. She began to focus on all my flaws, and pick at me, and instead of getting mad, I just kind of played it cool.

This pissed her off more, and she began to constantly say "we should break up" I would say "that is fine; let's think about this" and she would "break up" with me only to call me ASAP the next day. And I would answer. After about the fifth break up in two weeks, I stopped answering that "post break up make up call" and she got really pissed.

All of this hot and cold along with her dramatizing everying caused me to cool obviously, and she must of sensed this and up the aggression, and last Thursday she went off on me for about an hour and suggested we take a break. Now I am not completely stupid, so I said that sounds fine with me. So I cut off all communication for 3 days. She called me, I didn't answer. She texted me, I didn't answer. I was again, how I done at various times, trying to make myself scarce. Cause although I leaned on her about issues like job/school, I never came off as super needy. I just tried to be there for her while she was stress, so I make myself available on the phone.

So on Sunday morning she texted me at 9am to "call her asap" I didn't. She called me at 3pm and told me she had to talk. That she had got drunk, and beause she didn't know about what was going on in our relationship, she went home with a guy and stayed the night but just "kissed" my response was "why are you tell me this?" She said that just in case we got back together she wanted me to know. I said OK.

So I didn't talk her all day. She called me last night and she said a few cursor why "Miss yous" and I did the same. She calle me at 10pm tonight and she was going on and on about some stuff, and she was acting weird -- off handly criticizing me and acting as if she didn't care about me, and started speaking of future plans in the "past tense" like " I wanted us to..." etc. I said you are being weird, I know what you are doing -- you are ****ing with me here. She started saying she "wanted me and missed me and loved me"; I said I missed her too. She abruptly cut of the phone conversation and went to bed. This was odd and I had an uneasy feeling. I called her and asked her if thought that did she think things were weird and that she thought we were just "still figuring things out". I agreed with that, and she kind of just said "I am so ****ed up; I can't deal. I have confusion in my mind. I want to be alone. I am having panic attacks." I said "I understand and respect that. Just try to stay calm." She said I just want to be alone. I said, I understand, good night.

So presumably this was the official break up. But who the **** knows. I sincerely care about this girl, but I am baffled.

Is she nuts? Is she testing me? Was I the guy she just used to learn on for her big move? Found another guy? Either way she "fell out of love" in less than 14 days.

All I know is that I am cutting off all contact.

Please help me understand this!

Sorry for length.

WOW, from what I read she is needy, clingy, moody and confused, big-time!

Long distance relationships are a tough call, trust me I know, done it for 1 year.

Do you think she is worthed?
I mean you are arguing while living apart from each other its not a good sign.

I think she has a lot of issues and you are going to need a lot of patience. I do not think the relationship is worth the trouble that comes with it. I got a little tired reading about all of her ups and downs, living with them could really tax a person.

Quote:

---

All I know is that I am cutting off all contact.

---

You can't begin to understand but I like your plan, and I think you should stick to it.

You're doing the right thing in cutting off all contact. She sounds like she's emotionally unstable so don't let her play you and bring you down with her, You hold on to the power here ; don't surrender it to her. Wait until she calls you. When she does, don't answer right away. Call back when it's convenient for you, if it's convenient for you. Either way, she sounds like a game player so don't throw all your eggs into this one basket, if you get my drift.

Yes she's insecure. She very likely will be this way always. You cannot fix her.

You took a chance on something that seemed worth the risk. Hey, taking chances is important. Don't let this setback keep you from taking other chances with other women. But knowing when not to hide your head up your a$$ is important too. I speak as one pnce guilty of said act. Its hard to listen to reason when your head is... well you get the point. Sounds like you know what not to do, thank God. Don't make the mistakes I made years ago.

Go for the grad program asap if its what you really want. It gets so much harder as time goes by, especially if you are in a program like the sciences where the research sucks time away from you.

So, as others have said... she might have been fun, she might even have some really great qualities... but if you stick with her you have NO reason to complain, as you KNOW what you are getting. A lifetime of being under the thumb of an insecure person. You really think its going to get easier as she ages and her looks go south?

Find someone more real and confident. I might find an attractive woman a lovely temptation (im a faithful husband folks, just talking here) but a strong, confident woman is even more so.

Let her go. You can't save her or fix her. Remember the fun and move on.

Thanks for you help guys; I am seeing now her behavior is based on some fundamental personality flaw. We aren't teenagers anymore. Dating someone like this probably too taxing.

But she really seemed normal at one point (before the move). I think its breaking her down. I don't know.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wowwhat

But she really seemed normal at one point (before the move). I think its breaking her down. I dunno.

---

Oops - watch it - sounds like someone thinking they can change her... careful.

dude... whoa there. What I find almost comical about your post is, you seem to understand her games, haha, probably better than she does... whats strange is your asking our (the board) opinion of your scenario when its pretty clear that you don't need our input...

Anyway, I think what you might be asking in all of that^ is... is it worth the "tests" , the "games" the "drama?" We can't really answer that though because we don't know what your true needs really are. Only you do.

Underneath it all, it sounds like you 2 have a pretty intense connection, beyond the physical thing...

I say play ball, personally. Just stick to YOUR program... by that I mean, you know what works for your life (what got this girl attracted to you in the first place) and what doesn't...

As long as you stick to YOUR guns, game plan, program, whatever you want to call it, have fun, learn, live, love...




And never forget, it's just a test... its always ALWAYS a TEST. Question is, can you pass? Is it worth it to even try to pass?
Keep us posted dude.;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by wowwhat

...Problem is she was very insecure about her looks and brains and weight. When I met her, I noticed these traits and I had some reservations about seriously dating her, but I think we both entered the infatuation stage hardcore and we both went with it. And besides, she was beautiful, and I thought she was worth the risk. She was amazing when her mood was right, but could be hateful and negative and really *****y....

...Please help me understand this!

---

This is your baseline normal before the move?

Look, everybody needs to find their own kind of weird. Some people like a challenge. She's certainly a challenge. Your prerogative. If she makes you more happy more than miserable, well who knows?

I dated a person who struggled with insecurity and anger and after seeing the needless chaos that was created for no good reason, would never do it again... at least not when the swings are so severe.

So your prerogative. If you think its too much, there are a lot of people here who wouldn't find fault with your walking away. Not like you are married.

If you decide she's worth the effort, well, like I said... only you can make that decision. Most here would say you are setting yourself up for a lot of needless noise and frustration. And you KNOW how she is. You don't get to date her AND bi+ch about her knowing that YOU chose to stay. It never works when you date with the intention of getting the person to change later.