Hi,

I was born an american citizen and was just granted Israeli citizenship (which is NOT considered approved unless I stay in the country for another 1.5 months - if I leave, the citizenship is cancelled/ forfeited according to Israeli law.) My husband and I are headed for a messy divorce it appears - and I am fearful of him for many reasons. I am 3 months pregnant and trying to figure out where will be the best place for me to raise the baby (If he bails on child support, I am not confident I can support myself and baby in Israel for many reasons).

He has already told me that if I leave the country, he will have me arrested for international kidnapping. I am afraid he will never let me leave Israel ever again based on custody laws. I am wondering if I leave for America now and let my new citizenship in Israel "expire/get cancelled" is it still considered kidnapping since I would technically not then be an Israeli citizen, but an American citizen?

I have NO interest in denying my husband visitation rights or kidnapping our child, I just don't want to be forced to live so far away from my family if I will need their help own the road... or forced to live in Israel if my husband is going to withhold support. My husband is very powerful and has the means and connections to make my life a living hell - so I feel I need t know my options before they are no longer available.

Any advice or help would be very helpful.
KM

Dear Mother to be,

First off, take a deep breath and congratulations on the baby! Your situation is a serious one. Second, you are very lucky to have a family that loves you and you must call on them at this time. You are in the race of your life. If your baby is born in the USA then the baby will be a US citizen. If you never took the baby out of Israel, how can it be considered kidnapping if it is an American citizen. It's clear your husband is not the man you thought you married and is acting out of complete desperation. You must think of your child and what kind of life you are going to subject him/her to if you stay. If your husband is dangerous (as you mentioned) you must not subject your child to this type of lifestyle. Babies do not change men. Babies grow up fast and their cuteness wears off. I'm afraid that if you have the baby in Israel, you will be at the mercy of this man. You will severely limit your options if the baby is born in Israel.

You can be guaranteed that being forced to live away from your family will become a reality if you have the baby in Israel. You state that your husband will make your life a living hell but you should realize, he will make your baby's life a living hell as well. This saddens me. Please do the right thing for your child (and in return yourself) and invite your husband to join you for the birth of your child in the States. Then you two can work on resolving your marriage if that is the case. A man in this situation could eventually try to convince you that his love for this baby will change the way he treats you but I would guess that is just another way to trap you to stay. Be smart! Some women suffer from what is called Baby Brain while pregnant (meaning they can't think as clearly as usual). You will have no one to blame but yourself!

The USA has an ENORMOUS amount of resources for women in your situation. You mention that your husband may bail on child support. If your husband is Israeli then I'm not sure how child support can be enforced from the USA but if by chance, he is American as well, I would imagine luck would be on your side. If you stay in Israel, he might not have to support you in the way that you would desire. If it were me, I'd rather be out of luck in my homeland with OPTIONS than to be stuck in a country where you are being held captive by your husband and laws.

While I might be a stranger, I know the pressure you are under must be intense. Your family is probably pulling you in one direction, while your husband another. Ultimately this is your choice. It might be hard to rationally think under this pressure. From a mother who has been in a similar situation, I can only encourage you to be strong for not just your baby, but for yourself as you draw on your reserve strength. You can always go back to Israel with the child but not vice versa. I believe the Israeli laws require such things as permission from your husband if you want to share your little bundle of joy with your family back home. I imagine your husband will not grant such a privilege and I can't imagine how that conversation will go with your child when you explain to them why they are permanently bound to that country. Especially, if you are not able to give your child the life you think you can assuming your husband does or does not financially and emotionally supports you. And knowing that you have the chance of giving birth in the USA, you could be giving that child a life filled with love and FREEDOM.

Remember, a life without options is a life behind bars.

Best of luck.

... And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Honestly, I say come back to the states. Stay with your family if you have to for the time being. You are already an American citizen therefore you are able to come back. As mentioned if you give birth in the states then your child will also be an American citizen. This dosen't mean that the child won't ever be able to know their father but I don't think Israel has the same kinds of laws that protect a single mother. I could be wrong but I have a feeling that you would be better off where you have a support system (your family) being a single parent.

What country were you married in ? How long have you been living in Isreal ?

Thank you to everyone who responded to my post! All of your advice is much appreciated and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your heartfelt responses.

Califdadof3, in response to your questions. I was married in Israel 13 months ago and have been living here with trips back and forth to America for 3 years. My Israeli citizenship was granted in March of this year.

Thanks again and again!

Thank you to everyone who responded to my post! All of your advice is much appreciated and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your heartfelt responses.

Califdadof3, in response to your questions. I was married in Israel 13 months ago and have been living here with trips back and forth to America for 3 years. My Israeli citizenship was granted in March of this year.

Thanks again and again!

Hi,

Please find the article below and the excerpts a wake up rally! I would absolutely recommend that you give birth in America to maximize giving your child the best life you can. You may even gain some respect in the eyes of your husband. And that could turn your whole situation around! As someone noted, he can be a part of the birth. If he won't even make the journey to the States, I doubt he will make the journey of Fatherhood. And it's better to find out on your terms than his (meaning not being stuck in another country where you will not be taken seriously-see below).

Is he planning to be at the birth? What if he isn't? Would you then at that moment wish you had your options! Because then, it will be too late:(:(

Divorce in Israel: Men get the final word | csmonitor.com

Divorce in Israel: Men get the final word


JERUSALEM –
It's been nearly three years since Ariela Dadon began trying to divorce her abusive husband. But she can't gain her freedom or the right to remarry because her estranged husband has refused to grant her a get, a Jewish divorce writ that can only be given by a man to his wife - never the other way around. "We and others who are denied a get are like prisoners who can't get a pardon," says Ms. Dadon, who is raising two small children while she puts herself through graduate school in accounting.

She also makes endless visits to religious courts in a bid to get the judges to force her husband's hand. The catch: He won't do so unless she forfeits child support, among other demands. Groups such as Mevoi Satum, a nongovernmental organization whose name means "Dead End," says there are thousands of women here like Dadon. While rights groups have lobbied for it, neither civil marriage nor divorce exist in Israel.

The Israeli rabbinate acknowledges only that there are between a few dozen to up to 200 cases at any given time. But the Rabbinate - which holds sway over the religious life of Israel's Jewish majority, governing everything from birth to burial, was to hold a groundbreaking conference here Tuesday to address the problem. Last week, however, it cancelled the event - which had been tailored to ultra-Orthodox guidelines of a closed session, no women, and no media. The move was widely seen as caving to pressure from ultra-Orthodox leaders, though no reason was given.
...
Shula Kadourie, a mother of six who recently got her divorce after a four-year wait, says that the way she was treated in the process damaged her faith. It also made her wonder if she weren't living in more of a theocracy than a democracy, like many others in the Middle East. In court visits, she was regularly told to sit and be quiet; the judge was interested in hearing her husband's side of the story only.
...
"Israel is the only country in the world where there wasn't supposed to be an issue of [Jewish] women stuck waiting for a get," Ms. Azaria says.
...
Dadon, who had her last court appointment three days ago, is still waiting. "To give up my demand for alimony, fine, but I won't give up on behalf of my kids, on getting them the support they need," she says. In some court visits, judges have asked her for evidence. She included police reports after several instances of physical abuse.

While this may be relevant Im not convinced it is. Since the OP was still a U.S. citizen at the time of marriage then so the U.S. may hold jurisdiction. If that's the case then nothing in the preceding article may apply.