My relatioship ended August of 2008 when my ex girl friend (28 years old) broke up with me (23 years old). We were dating for 2 years and we were both in love and we both were head over heels with one another. We were like best friends and were very comfortable with one another. I realized that I wasn't seeing my friends and family and I was always with her 24/7 so I spent an extra day or two with my friends and family instead of her and that was the reason for her to break up. Well we were still seeing each other and hooking up from August until the day after Valentines day. In my mind I thought that we would get back together because we were still having sex. I was so wrong.

Well she finally told me that she was dating someone after I had to pull it out of her. This was back in Feb. Well her new boyfriend just became recently divorced after a year and a half of marriage (He is 30). He walked in on his wife cheating on him. I was completed crushed over this. She was my first love. I went through all of the stages and I am finally trying to get over this whole mess.

I stopped talking to her, email, texting for about a month. We work at the same company and there is a chance that she would need to call my department to complete a transaction. At first I told her that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence and that his wife left him for a reason. I also told her that she will regret not giving us a second chance. She was like your right I will regret this. Well he made her go on her face book and change the status to in a relationship and we went through her phone and read my texts. I am guessing this is because he is insecure of what happened to him last summer with the divorce.

Well I stopped talking to her, emailing, her and texting her. After a month she happens to call and get me on the phone at work (there are other people in my department that answers the same line) and gets me. I did the transfer for her and she asked how I was and how I have been doing. I just gave her a very short answer and didn't ask how she was doing and kept it short and sweet. Well I get an email from her after the phone call and she said "I hope you dont have me".

Another month goes by and I get her again on the phone and she tells me that there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about me, that she has pictures of me up in her house. That she gets butterflies in her stomach when she hears my voice. She also said that she fights with her new boyfriend about me all the time about me. She also made a comment that if she was single she would give us a second chance. She also mentioned that she dreams about me all the time. Well I took this as a sign that she wanted to get back together.

So I go over to her hosue that night and she shows me the pictures up in her bedroom of me and her. She said that she wakes up every morning and looks at them. I told her about her new boyfriend how he has been flirting with all these other girls and actually accepted a date with one of them which I stopped. I told her that I loved her and that I only care if she is happy and don't want to see her get hurt. Well after 2 months of them dating, she tells me that he has already asked her to move in with him and that he wants to have kids. He made a comment to her that he is going to knock her up one of these times.

She said that she is confused and needs more time. I asked her to really think about what she wants to do cause I am done waiting. 2 months is enough and I am almost at the point of no return.

I just don't know why she is with him if she is saying all of this to me. He is clearly on the rebound and with her being his first girlfriend from a divorce, they don't normally last. She is also rebounding because he is the first boyfriend since us. She tells me that she loved me more than her previous boyfriend of 10 years. I just don't know what to do at this point to make her realize that he doesn't have her best interests. Can someone help me understand what is going on and what I need to do to make her try to get back together with me?

Let's start chronologically. I don't think that you guys broke up because of that one incident. It was a buildup and that one incident was the trigger. She was obviously confused about her feelings with you.

After you break up she finds this new divorced guy. It doesn't matter what she sees in him, the fact is she chose him over you, even though she was confused about her feelings for you. That's unfair to you and to the guy. Even if she comes back to you, who knows when she will find a third guy to be with.

You should go back to ignoring her. The longer you drag this out with her, the harder it will be for you to move on. Don't let her mess with your mind anymore.

If she really cared about you, should wouldn't be anywhere near that guy and she would be putting the effort to get you back.

It's time for you to let her go. You were making great progress, especially when she called you at work conincidently. Short answers.

Go back to no contact so that you can heal from this break up. You've been through enough.

You are listening to her words, and not paying attention to her actions.

FACT- She is still with him, and feeding you crap.

Fact- To avoid that kind of confusion, disappear from her life, mourn your loss, and rebuild yourself, without her influence.

Stop talking to this girl, she just wants your attention and to have you as a fall back guy to sleep with when she is single.

She doesn't really have any respect for you. I totally agree with talaniman. She is saying things to keep you around her as a close friend and tells you how much she hates this guy but what is she doing? Living and sleeping with him.

Stop talking to her, not for a month but forever... She's older than you and while you might hook back up eventually she will just dump you again the next time someone her age comes along.

If we do happen to get each other at work and she asks about me and says she misses me, should I tell her that she has made the choice to give her love and affection to her new boyfriend and that I am moving on and she needs to respect my feelings and let me go, that I don't want to hear it that stuff? I just don't know how to word it in a way that puts and end to it.

Naw, none of that sloppy stuff, be polite but busy and unavailable. No need to be rude, or sloppy, but let your actions speak for you by say hello and keep it brief, and avoid any personal conversations. HI, AND BYE is enough to convey a powerful message. Work is for business, not personal distractions so be about business.

Thank you very much for your advice. I feel like each time I try to walk away she sees it and tries to pull me back.

For the past few days I got her on the phone and each time it was hi, completed the transfer, and have a good day. I got an email from her and she asked some random question. I didn't respond. So then I get a text 45 minutes later "Okay Gabe, you can't email me back but you can talk to my neighbor." I responded telling her that I was very busy and don't have time. Then she sent a response back "I am really sorry I am bothering you when you are really busy. I hope you have a good day".

Just stupid stuff like she needs my attention because its not enough from her new boyfriend so she needs attention from me.

Well its been two weeks and I got an email from her today.

"How is everything Gabe.. How do you feel being 23? Did you have a great b-day and did you get my b-day text?"

Sent another right after that without a reply from me.

"I quite smoking!! I haven't had one in 3 days and all set with it.. I also had the flu and that helped me quit. I told Marc that if he didn't quit then I don't think it would work"

"lol.. He said he will quit so we will see.. I will leave you alone now J have a great day and I will get that CD made for you. Hope all ur fam is doing well.. Tell Jerry I said hi for me"

I responded with:

"Hey, I just got back. I blocked my mom in with my car in front of the garage. I had to leave and come back. She is going to pick up my brother at school today. I just got a call from her at 9:40. I made it home on the bike in 12 mins. Moved the car and then back to work in another 20 mins.

Being 23 doesn't feel any older. I had a great time on my birthday. Thank you for the birthday text even though you sent it on a Thursday and it wasn't until Saturday. But I can say you were the first one to wish me a happy birthday J. I have been having a good time. Did you see the trophy? Vegas here we come.

That's great that you quit smoking. When I got the flu back on last March that is what got me to quit. Stay strong. I hope it works out for you. I will tell them that you said hello. I hope your doing well."

She replied:

"Yep seen the trophy.. Heard all about it.. Great job.. I also heard that there are going to be a lot of changes on the pool team!!

Glad you had a wonderful b-day and also ur having a great time in life out of all people u deserve it :)

Also heard about the new girl and hope she makes you really happy as u made me at one point :)

Take care Gabe"

After that I didn't reply as much as I really wanted to. I kind of feel like she was trying to get a reaction out of me. Then 20 minutes later she sent another email

"You want all the pic's of us on that CD?"

How do I respond to this? I don't know what she is trying to get at. I am kind of 50 50 with wanting to get back with her and the other half of me is happy this this new girl I started dating.

Just stuck and not sure what her motives are.

she is trying to string you along.

I wish is right (again =) ) she broke up with you in the first place for something other than that incident. She was just looking for an excuse. (my guess is she had already found the new guy)

in any case. It time to move on my friend. However hard. Her attempts to "care" about what's happening in your life are not genuine. She is trying to keep you thinking about her.

the best thing at this point for you is to just stop interacting with her until you have healed and moved on. She is going to keep that cut open as long as she can so that she can crawl right back into you heart whenever she wants.

there is some good advice on getting over a break up here.

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She's playing you. That doesn't mean she's doing it on purpose necessarily - she may be genuinely confused. But she was with you, and dating another guy. Now she's with him, and saying all this stuff to you.

Whether she's had intimacy with either of you when she was technically dating the other doesn't really matter - she's cheated on both of you emotionally.

I don't think you need this noise in your life. There are women who know their mind, and who don't make men they care about go through all this crap. It's immature and inappropriate, and grossly selfish of her to be sharing these feelings with you when she's also deciding not to be available - really stupid.

Is she trying to see if you'll take her back before she leaves the other guy? Uhm, I think that's what she did when she left you for him. Again, she may mean well, but whether she does or not, what she's doing is childish and you should move on and find someone else. Older isn't always more mature - sounds like you're the adult in the relationship.

Well we hung out on Wednesday night to talk. I wanted to be able to just cut myself off from everything and walk away. Well she was telling me that she missed her period for almost two months and thought she was pregnant. When she finally had it she told him and he was really pissed off about it. I see it as he is trying to trap her into having a kid with her and then think that this will mean that she will be with him for the rest of their lives. He just got out of a divorce back in the fall last year. They haven't even been together for more than three months. He wanted her to move in with him right away and wants to start a family now. I tried to get her to open her eyes to what he is trying to do but it doesn't seem to work. Each time I started to walk away she kept on saying please don't go. I miss you, please stay a little longer I never get to see you anymore. I miss hanging out with you. When I finally left she sent me several text messages saying "I would love to make love to you right now". I responded to her with how can you say this to me when you have a boyfriend. It must not be that serious if you are pulling this crap behind his back. She also said that she was thinking about everything that happened and feels really bad for what happened and wished things were different. Well the next moring I get a text from her asking if I have been seeing a new girl. I have been going on several dates. Nothing serious right now. She was like I shouldn't have said that stuff to you. Have fun with your new girl she is perfect for you. I told her that all I want was a CD of all of the pictures of us from when we were dating cause we always put them on her computer, and that good luck with your new boyfriend that is going to you over.

Well I get a text from her last night and she was like one of his friends saw your bike outside her house and that he asked her about it. She said that I was talking with her outside and that I didn't go in. Well this was complete BS. I work with him and he is a manager here. He is a great guy and always respected him. I don't know if I should talk to him outside of work and let him know what has been going on with what she has been saying to me and that we did hangout and talked last night and show him all of the texts that she sent me. I am trying to move on but I feel like when I am at a certain point, she tries to rope me back in.

I got her on the phone at work yesterday. She asked me if her boyfriend tried to talk to me about me being at her house. I said "what does that have to do with work"? She replied why can't you tell me. I told her that it is irrelevant and have a good day and hung up the phone. I got a text from her 5 minutes later saying that she didn't deserve to be hung up on.

Sooner or later you will get tired of this stupid drama, and leave the girl alone. She isn't doing anything to you, that your not letting her.

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I sent her a reply and saying "How can you be with this new guy and say all this to me? I guess it isn't that serious and you are wasting your time and his if you are doing this behind his back."

I told her that I don't want to hear her say she misses me, or anything to that extent because it means nothing when she has a boyfriend.

She replied with "Its true what I say".

I left it at that and I got a text from her around 11:30 the following night. I guess her boyfriend found out that her and I hung out and was pissed off cause I was in her house. She asked for me to say that I didn't go inside if he talks to me.

I didn't respond.


I'm Stuck.


Do I talk to him and have a conversation about what happened and show him the text messages from her? Me and this guy got along very well and ever since they have been dating I feel like she is making each of us look bad and want to hate the other. He probably thinks of me as the jealous ex boyfriend that won't get out of the picture and trying to ruin his new relationship even when I have been dating a new girl for the past three weeks.

The thing that makes we want to more is that he previous marriage ended with him walking in on his wife cheating on him. He really is a great guy and I feel like if I don't say anything then she is getting away with all this crap.

What do you think?

I really don't understand why she is doing this.

No you do not talk to him. You do not talk to her. When she tries to contact you tell her that she needs to sort things out and you don't feel right being in the picture.
You are right as long as she is still with this guy you are helping her emotionally cheat on him AND you have no guarantees that she will ever leave him for you. Then with her history you still have no idea if she would leave you again.

Stick to your guns. She IS IN a relationship and you seeing her would only complicate things.

Go to no contact, especially no more with meeting her no matter how innocent it may seem at the time.

Why she is doing this?
She is probably confused about what she wants and realizes she isn't happy and wants you to make it easy on her.
Even if she really wants to leave does not mean she will. Many girls say they are miserable in a relationship and given opportunities to leave they still stay.

I agree with N0help4u that you should not talk to either and put no contact into full force. Because by talking to your ex, you are giving her false hope, and she's giving you mixed signals. I say mixed because if she really loved you, she would not stay with her boyfriend. She would have broken up and solely pursue you.

BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT, is her boyfriend still your manager? This could really hurt you at work. I would say, let him know that you want nothing to do with his girlfriend anymore and that you don't have anymore feelings for her whatsoever. That way, he won't hold anything against you at work and you can move on with your life.

But you should definitely stop talking to her. Don't respond to her messages. Stick with no contact against her.

Oooooh. This can only end it tears.

It feels like she's playing the both of you - she cheats with him while she's going out with you and he's just come out of a relationship where he's been cheated on, she's not using any contraception, you're with a new girlfriend and now she's trying to hook up with you again.

She's seriously emotionally retarded, and you're playing with fire by having contact with her again. She needs to deal with this on her own, don't let her pull you in with all the talk and the flattery about your sex life. She was dishonest with you, and now she's being dishonest with him.

Ask her to leave you alone and let her know that you're with someone else now. Tell her you're not available and not interested in having contact with her anymore.

If he's your mate, and you're worried about him, then let him know that she's been contacting you but that you're no longer in the picture. Tell him you don't want to see her, and that you have a new girlfriend. That way he can deal with her and her games on his own.

This is so simple, the sex with the 30 year old is not that good perhaps, and she wants you as a boy toy,

You can't stop talkling to her, you can't stop reading her text messages and so on, so you are being used and abused.

What do you do, really do NC< not play NC, no text, not talk to messages, no nothing

Thanks for the advice. It just sucks where I am at right now. I don't get after all she has done my heart still loves her. The are both rebounding with one another.

I feel like she is doing the whole "Grass is greener" thing.

I was talking to her friend and she dated her previous ex of 10 years. They split after 7 years and she dated this guy for three months. She went back to her ex.

Its funny how back in Jan I even said, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence and that his wife cheated on him for a reason (It could be from being a control freak or he is not that great in bed).

When I asked her about it she even said that it wasn't that good and that she misses our many wild and crazy nights. Then after getting her to start thinking about it she sent me that text about wanting to hook up while she has a boyfriend.

I guess her little phase will wear off eventually and by that time I am going to be gone. I just can't wait for the day that she comes back on her hands and knees begging.


I don't know why she doesn't see the warning signs.

She is seeing this 30 year old guy that just officially became divorced in December, started dating her in Jan, said that he is going to knock her up one of these times, got upset that she got her period cause she missed it for 2 months, tells her he loves you multiple times through out the day (only after dating a month), wants her to move in after being together for three months, and would put a ring on her finger today. Would you see that as being strange? Or is my ex just blind?

Its like he is trying to trap her thinking that if he got her pregnant then she will be his. It would be almost like a reason to get married that he is trying to make up for lost time and rush right into it this new one. The guy is the exact opposite of me.